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Expressing Rage is an option

Discussion in 'Alan Gordon TMS Recovery Program' started by Forest, Jun 3, 2013.

  1. Forest

    Forest Beloved Grand Eagle

    A common reaction to learning that we have repressed rage is to ask what do I do with it? Let’s be honest, most of us are not skilled at managing our rage and anger. We either keep it bottled up or let it explode at inopportune times. It is important to understand that there will be times in our lives that create intense emotions in us. Whether it is rage at our boss or anger at our children, we do not need to release these emotions.

    You don’t need to quit your job to heal. You simply need to understand the connection between these events and the emotions inside of you. You can allow the emotions to be present, without acting on them.
    breakfree and clairem like this.
  2. BruceMC

    BruceMC Beloved Grand Eagle

    "Unacted desires breed hobgoblins of the mind"

    - William Blake

    "The Tigers of wrath are wiser than the Horses of instruction"

    - Blake
    plum and Forest like this.
  3. Stella

    Stella Well known member

    I think it is true that some people are afraid they will have to express anger all the time to get well. Just becoming aware of it, feeling it and letting it wash over me has helped me continue to heal. Awareness is by biggest challenge.
    breakfree, clairem and Forest like this.
  4. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    I just listened to Alan's session with Dustin, and it's affected me quite deeply in that hearing Dustin go through the actual process in real time, highlights the exact bind I've put myself in. The last couple of days have been hard and I've been wrestling with a lot of anger, feeling like sh*t, and shutting my husband out. I appreciate that Alan describes such ignoring as passive anger. I really see this now. Mostly I see how I have been stuffing my anger down. Sadness too. To be honest, these last few days have shaken me up, the volitarity and the holding it in check has had me feeling a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

    Anyway, I feel like something has clicked for me. The visualisation was powerful and dramatic, and brought home the nature of the repression in a very visceral way. And god bless Dustin. I admire the vulnerability and struggle of his experience without which I would not have this bounty.
    ladyofthelake and Forest like this.
  5. Forest

    Forest Beloved Grand Eagle

    I also really admire Dustin's courage and the courage of all of the participants.

    Regarding repression, what I love about this clip is how it shows that repression doesn't have to be something deep and dark, far removed from consciousness. It can be absolutely as simple and pedestrian as "I'm not going to think about my anger because I have to be a civilized adult." That's one of the reasons why I like the term "stuffed," as in "he stuffed his anger into his unconscious." It's not so much that Dustin is in complete denial of his emotions. It's more that he isn't prioritizing himself. He doesn't feel like he has time to feel his emotions because he has to take care of everyone. So he stuffs his emotions away. Rather than being mysterious and strange, it's just a practical (but unhealthy) response to a common dilemma.
    plum likes this.
  6. Oscar B.

    Oscar B. New Member

    Hi, I'm not sure if this is the place to post this, but I figured it fits pretty close with this thread.

    I have listened to the Gordon/Dustin interview and it was very good to hear how Alan had Dustin deal emotionally with his mother. I have a question about what Alan would advise for conscious anger.

    My work requires me to deal with some pretty demanding people and I get very angry, but cannot outwardly show this as it would be bad for business (I am a small business owner). I take time during the day to feel the "heat" of the displaced anger and revisit it. It's there hours and even days later. I just wonder, am I helping myself to process the anger by just being with it and imagining/visualizing clobbering my aggressor? What do you do with conscious anger so it doesn't become repressed?

    I've tried to integrate it by just acknowledging it, but it seems like and endless feeling of yukky stuff that never goes away. How should I process these feelings?

    Thanks for the insight.

  7. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I sometimes treat anger by going into the bathroom, covering my hand over my mouth, and screaming.
    Then I laugh. The angry feeling invariably goes away and leaves me with a good feeling.

    People who cause us to feel anger may very well have their own reasons for having TMS.
    I am learning not to personalize other people's behavior that angers me. Let it bounce off and away.
    plum, Fabi, Forest and 1 other person like this.
  8. Peggy

    Peggy Well known member

    Darren m: I like Stella's post. I would say the above about any emotion, grief, anger, impatience, frustration. Sometimes we just have to get on with life and feel feelings as we feel them and not save them up until later. This way there is less pain more often.
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  9. Oscar B.

    Oscar B. New Member

    Walt, thanks! I sometimes have a hard time separating the messenger from the message. I contemplate whether I need to buy a punching bag like a read in another post or is it sufficient to just feel it and wait for it to pass? Good advice, thanks!

    Peggy, that sounds like a good plan. My feeling is that just feeling it makes me want to act out. I want to scream and hit things which can't always be possible so I have to divert it for a safer time. Last night I was processing anger in bed (it seems to hit me harder when it's time to sleep :) . Stayed up all night waiting for it to pass. ugh! I am getting better at awareness of the emotions, so I guess that's a start. Just not sure what to do after they come pouring in. There's that doubt in me that I'm doing it wrong or in an unhealthy way. Thanks again for the comments and help.

  10. Gigi

    Gigi Well known member

    This thread reminds me of the various ways to approach an overactive subconscious. Sarno suggests "yelling" at it. I've done that, and had some success. But I've more recently found that embracing the message that my subC is trying to deliver--albeit in a dysfunctional way--works better for me. I envision my recalcitrant subC as a child in need of redirection, as opposed to a malevolent force.
    Fabi, Oscar B. and Barb M. like this.
  11. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Darren, and Others Here,
    I think Anger is so hard for us because it may threaten our sense of being loved and safe more than any of the other difficult emotions like hurt or sadness. I think this is probably why Dr. Sarno recognized it first among the repressed emotions. It threatens our connection with others. We were raised, most of us, to not be angry. And the training from our parent figures was to withdraw support and love, and safety when when we expressed anger.

    So, for me it is a tough emotion to feel, and allow. I think it takes time and familiarity and progressive retraining to allow the feeling, and not get stuck in some form of rejection or Inner Critic activity about it. I think that is what makes it "yucky or sticky," is the way we treat ourselves when we feel it. That is, our response makes it last longer. We need to justify to our Inner Critic about why its OK. We feel guilty about it. We wish it would stop. We obsessively monitor it to see if it is still there, or how much of it is still there. We want to take action to release it.

    Over time for me, I can feel anger more easily, and it is more fully there and then more quickly gone. It definitely releases itself when I don't reject it. I also see the more subtle ways that I make myself wrong for having it. Then I have a better chance of disengaging from this sticky relationship with it. Good luck to us all in this deep journey of self acceptance!

    Oscar B. and Ellen like this.
  12. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    I've spent many sleepless hours with anger about something or someone.
    The best solution I've found is deep breathing and telling myself to think-worry about it in the morning.
    Then I switch my thoughts to someone or something pleasant. It helps to put my Inner Critic to sleep, and me, too.

    I also have imagined the anger and its cause to be on my computer and just delete it. The visualization helps put me to sleep.
  13. BruceMC

    BruceMC Beloved Grand Eagle

    In my own family situation, my late father was always allowed to feel and express anger, but no one else was allowed to have such feelings. Sounds like a perfect formula for producing children who are good little repressors filled with all kinds of deep unconscious rage. What's that the English romantic poet William Blake says, "Unacted desires breed hobgolins of the mind"?
  14. DanBless

    DanBless Newcomer

    I am 100% pain free thanks to the people here dedicated to helping others eleviate chronic pain! The 1st ah ha moment was just learning about this diagnoses and treatment.

    I just recovered from some crippling potentially lethal diseases about 1 year ago. I used a neuroplasticity based program to fully recover. I was 119lbs at my worst, tried to commit suicide 6 times and was isolated from people because of severe allergies. The program called DNRS rehabilitates your limbic system. I bring this up because it relates to emotional/ mind body health issues.

    The 2nd ah ha moment was when i listened to the audio session on the anger issue here on the site

    It only took 3 weeks to fully recover from chronic pain i had for the last 25 years. My RA ( Rhuemitoid Arthritis) symptoms and pain are all gone as well!!! It is a simple and out rite miracle. I have degenerative discs, neck and back. I was in a potentially crippling accident when i hit head 1st into a shallow pool and blacked out. I lift wieghts again and play tennis 3 or 4 times a week for 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours a clip

    So it works ladies gentlemen. I thank the good Lord for this website and DR Serano
  15. mike2014

    mike2014 Beloved Grand Eagle

    I agree its not about expressing the rage to heal, but rather about how we manage the feeling when it arises.

    I find it useful to step away, cool off and move into a more sensible state of mind. When we express rage, its likely the other person will get angry and we will fuel the anger cycle. It's better to break the cycle, step into a neutral space diffuse the emotion which fuels your rage.

    I use this little EFT script:

    mouser and JoeB1 like this.

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