Even if I believe, I'm worried I won't get better

[Alice]

I'm starting to feel acceptance of the TMS diagnosis, mostly because everything in Sarno's book (rereading now) is so familiar to me. But if I do have TMS, I don't feel convinced it means I'll get better.

If TMS is caused by anger or repressed emotions but you still have those emotions, can you get better from the TMS?

I believe that my symptoms started because of issues with my husband. Things were really bad between us for a while. He was telling me that he wished we hadn't had children together and he didn't feel like he should do anything to help me take care of them because he didn't want them--not what I wanted to hear while working full time and two small kids! And so much more stressful when I started having chronic pain.

Things are better now, after marriage counseling, but he still is very far from being a family man. On weekends, I am often on my own watching the kids while he wants "time to himself." And on top of that, my job has become more stressful. Fortunately, the kids have gotten older, which has made things easier for me. But I've still got plenty of stuff that makes me angry and anxious.

Is it enough just to say that I realize these emotions are causing my pain? Or do I actually need to deal with the emotions?

 

[Celayne]

In my short time working on my TMS, I think you do need to deal with your emotions, at least somewhat. By that, I mean that you (we, all of us) need to come to terms with the emotions, maybe that is just accepting them for what they are but to me just knowing that the emotions cause pain isn't quite enough. Maybe I just don't 'get' it but I feel that facing the emotions and either accepting them or being able to banish them somehow would be most helpful. I am NOT a therapist so I could be way off on this.

Have you looked at the TMS Recovery Program on this site? Or the several week course (the name of which I can't recall although I am doing it)? They are free with loads of good information and exercises to get you started with working on the emotional aspects of the beast called TMS.

It can be hard at times, but be NICE to yourself, don't let externals get you down. It's hard having a husband who is not supportive. Been there.

 

[Alice]

Cricket: I'm doing the SEP now. I'm trying to be disciplined about it, although I'm going on vacation in a week and I hope that doesn't get in the way.

Things are better with my husband now, so maybe that will help. Thanks for the feedback.

 

[kbarlow]

The thing to remember is that you cannot feel those repressed emotions. Thats what the pain is there for, to distract you because those feelings are too much for you to handle consciously. Well thats what your unconscious mind thinks anyway.

If you can feel emotions, they are nothing to do with your TMS. Its the emotions you cant feel that are the issue.
Given what you've been through with your Husband I would guess that although you consciously feel that everything is ok now, your unconscious mind is reliving the painful emotions that you went through during those hard times. The result is pain.

I dont have the answer as we are all different and I'm only going on my own experience and what I have learned so far. I hope this helps. Hang in there.....it works

 

[MelG914]

Alice, I went through a very difficult period with my husband that lasted 7 years. I knew leaving him would not help my anger or pain either. Our kids are grown now and our marriage is happy again-kids are hard on marriage! I am convinced my anger is still in there from that period of time and now that I know I have TMS I am trying to sort it out. The other night I did an exercise where I verbally shouted my anger at him out loud. He was out of town. I started having symptoms! Like you I don't know how else to deal with it. That exercise was supposed to release it and create calmness. Not sure it did. I keep reading that healing comes from re-training your brain not to create pain when those feelings come. I have had better luck with imagery. When you feel pain picture a really wonderful calm experience you've had and imagine yourself there. Mine is a spa experience I had on a cruise. That works pretty well for me. It's understanding and believing that you have TMS that heals-not getting rid of anger as that will likely never happen completely. You need to tell your brain that causing pain is not how you are going to deal with your emotions anymore!