End of week 1- trying too hard?

[Robert_42]

Ive just finished week 1 and completed all the days… but nothing has struck me as much so far as the video by Forest regarding 'trying to hard.'

I think this is the case for me, but maybe for good reason?

TMS has completely taken over my life. I no longer fear TMS, I exercise now etc and fully understand that it is phycological but it still haunts my waking hours everyday.

The part of Forest's video when he said about people committing hard to the program and nailing it out in 6 weeks was very much like me. This is because of two reasons; 1) I want to be better more than anything 2) I am at University and the TMS work is quite time consuming so I need to focus on having quite a disciplined schedule in order to fit everything in.

But as I'm writing this it becomes clear that I am really bad at not caring. I am very driven and TMS has made things really hard. I know I have a lot of personality problems and when I think back to the time before I had TMS I was just as happy/unhappy as I am now- before TMS I had really bad acne and was just as stressed/negative and insecure as I am with TMS. So really TMS is not the problem, it really is a personally problem.

So I think I've made a breakthrough today in my recovery. In order to get better I think I have to stop caring so much, accept who I am, believe that I am good enough and be nice to myself.

The only problem is I want to do well? I want to get a first at university etc… so how do I stop caring and not become lazy/achieve less?

I feel I am rambling and beginning to question what I want in life again… so I think I'll leave it there.

Anyway thanks for listening.

From now on I am going to focus on being nice to myself and trying to have time to relax etc. Only problem is relaxing/having fun is soooooo difficult when your back really hurts. When I go out to have fun and relax and my back hurts for 2 hours all I can think is I MUST GET BETTER OR IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF. So yeah, not caring/relaxing is difficult….

Hope everyone gets better,

Robert

 

[Colly]

Robert be careful not to engage in calendar watching, as tempting as it is. We've all been there, but the frustration you're feeling only exacerbates your existing heightened tension levels, which in turn only increase your pain.

A tiny but wonderful book called "Hope and help for your nerves" by Claire Weekes will really help you at this stage in your recovery. It was critical to mine, as was Steve Ozanich's book 'The great Pain Deception'. Both of these books provided all the information I needed once I had read Sarno.

The "not caring" is more about just letting go and accepting the pain as temporary. Once you have belief you have TMS and then have acceptance of the pain, you'll stop fighting it, and it will dissolve… Claire explains this better than I.

TMS healing is not an overnight fix. You need to be patient and do the work. For most of us that's an ongoing process, but once you start to see improvements you actually feel more motivated to put in more time to get to know yourself. You will find that in time, as you put the effort in you will reep huge rewards for your efforts, and become a better person inside and out.

And above all, congratulations; you have found this forum and have discovered Dr Sarno. Stay the course, you will get there.

 

[heleng]

I am replying to your post as what you have said it really resonating with me. I am still at the accepting its TMS stage and am observing my thoughts and emotions and like you I am hard wired to achievement and getting results. I have realised how much pressure I put on myself. I have been having therapy the past two months and this week was the first time I have mentioned my pain and I explained how ashamed I felt about this. It led to a really good but very emotional session and I realised the depth of my inner anger. People who know me would never consider me an angry person in fact I am often told how soft hearted and forgiving I am. I keep the negative stuff inside and it has caused havoc with my body. My therapist helped me consider that anger when released is a really positive emotion as it sets up boundaries and lets out stress. I am like you, I want to get better as soon as I can and get on with my life but this pain is the result of decades of stress so it isnt likely to just go away all of a sudden. I talked openly about how much anxiety I have about the pain and how I find myself knotted up in worry and my therapist told me that this is fear and that I can learn to overcome it. I feel hopeful. I have had a good week with less pain, but yesterday I had to give a talk about my work to a group and I felt my back pain start to really hurt, and I felt myself becoming scared and depressed but I focused on what I was doing and the pain died down and I managed well. It was there but so much less and once I decided to not buy into it I felt much calmer.

I too struggle to relax but bit by bit I am sure I can unlearn my unhelpful habits and form new ones. I wish you happiness and an end to your pain.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

It's common that public speaking can bring on or bring back physical pain, so the talk about your work to a group and feeling some pain
is no surprise. You fought it mentally and felt calmer. Maybe some deep breathing before the talk would have helped.

Robert, don't be anxious about how long it takes to be free of TMS pain. It takes its own time as we discover our repressed emotions
which convinces our subconscious to stop sending the pain.

Colly and Heleng give you great advice. Read those TMS books and they will help a lot. They convince us that our pains are caused by
our repressed and negative emotions, not from anything structural. But we need to believe that 100 percent. Anything less doesn't work.

Robert, you are not going to hurt yourself more by resuming normal physical activities. Dr. Sarno promises that. Just don't expect
to be Superman. Take activities and exercises slowly, hopefully adding more every day or so.

 

[Ollin]

But as I'm writing this it becomes clear that I am really bad at not caring. I am very driven and TMS has made things really hard.
...

So I think I've made a breakthrough today in my recovery. In order to get better I think I have to stop caring so much, accept who I am, believe that I am good enough and be nice to myself.

The only problem is I want to do well? I want to get a first at university etc… so how do I stop caring and not become lazy/achieve less?

Robert, two things:

1. You want success in life (do your uni and have a career, I suppose). This would generate inner anxiety which manifests by fear of being lazy and not achieving as much as possible, pretty clear. But what is your final goal - does it maybe conflict somehow with your idea of a happy, fun-filled life? Maybe some part of you is afraid of what life path you're about to take? Food for thought.

2. You seem to blame TMS symptoms for making it hard for you to achieve. But is this really the case? I don't know what are your symptoms, whether they directly interrupt your work or indirectly, i.e. distract you mentally from focusing on what you set yourself to do. Would you work much harder and be the top if you didn't have these symptoms?

As you know, TMS is the voice of your subconscious, and it looks like this part of you is rebelling against self-imposed pressure. I was a bit like you in this respect, and the only reason my TMS didn't manifest earlier is that I really enjoyed the studies, I mean I was interested in learning everything, so it was more love than a chore. So I would advise you - notice what you *like* about your study, which are the pieces that fascinate you - and do them first, enjoy it and forget about the less-favourite stuff for the time being. The inner child wants to learn and have fun doing it. Such approach will not only relax, but also energize you to give you momentum to tackle all the rest of the learning material. This will ensure you will not be lazy. And stay mindful, keep your mind focused on the pleasure of learning, on the present moment, and let the future unfold as it's meant to happen.