TMS & chronic pain community, I desperately need your help! 2 years of chronic low back pain. Never gets better. In fact, it seems to just get worse. After months of trying all of the traditional physical approaches (MRIs, 30+ docs, procedures, injections, lumbar devices, Rx medications, physical therapy, acupuncture, chiropractic, exercise/gym, psychotherapy, meditation, yoga, herbs, supplements, CBD, kratom, medical marijuana, etc), I then spent a year and half dedicated and committed to the TMS/Mind Body approach. I was convinced it had to be TMS. It made 100% sense to me. I did months of daily journaling, trying to feel my repressed emotions, and telling myself it was just TMS and not physical. Multiple times each I have watched every YouTube video, read every book, listened to every audiobook, read every forum, facebook group, apps, etc. I fit the TMS mold 100%- perfectionist, people pleaser, worrier, hard on myself, etc. I am 44 with at least 20 years of severe chronic anxiety, bouts of severe clinical depression, and various forms of unexplained chronic pain. I see myself in every TMS story I read. However, no matter what I do, I just continue to hurt and NEVER feel the slightest improvement. I go to bed every night being positive and telling myself that tomorrow is the day I start to feel better, but it is the same thing every day when I wake up. I feel like I can’t break the cycle and see no end in sight and have just about lost hope. I hurt from the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep. On top of the back pain, I have minor sciatic pain sensations in my left butt, hamstring, calf, and foot, and some docs told me that the nerve is not properly functioning, but nobody can even directly correlate it to a pinched nerve or anything on the MRI (just some slight bulging)- and I know, that doesn’t indicate pain anyway! I dont “fear” the pain. I just can’t take the pain. I am sure I have repressed anger and sadness and other emotions that my brain doesn’t want me to deal with, but yet I cant seem to uncover it despite many reputable psychotherapists working on it. I had a happy childhood and family with no memorable traumatic experiences growing up. I have considered a TMS Doctor, but I feel like they are just going to tell me the same things I have read daily for 2 years (I could practically recite every Sarno and Steve O book at this point!), so I don’t know what that would do for me at this point. I am torn now between believing this is caused by repressed emotions (TMS) and wondering if this has now evolved into pain pathways that have become so strong. I really wonder now if dealing with emotions will solve my pain? Couldn’t it be that it is all neurological at this point and my brain and nerves are just signaling pain or interpreting signals as pain? How do you undo that? I believe Dr. Schubiner’s explanation of pain pathways, and I really wonder if that is my problem at this point, and if feeling my emotions can fix that? I don’t know what to believe anymore. I am really out of ideas and hope. I haven’t experienced any joy in any moment of my life now for 2 years, and there are no signs of anything changing based on the fact that I feel the same every single day now. What do I do? I don’t want to accept a life of chronic pain and misery. I’d rather not live at that point, but I have kids and a family who loves me. Your insights and advice would be so appreciated. Thank you so much.