Emotional work

M

Mando

Peer Supporter
Hi all,

I'm relatively new here. I have a rather long history (several decades) of CFS and allergies. I won't go too much into that at this time. Over the last few years I have begun to see the importance of calming the nervous system through various exercises. I really like all the information out there which helps with this aspect over recent years, i.e. FreeMe, Curable, Nicole Sachs, to name a few. I've only just started looking the last 12 months after accepting the life I had for many years.

One thing I really struggle with is doing the emotional work. One the very rare occasion that I have allowed to myself to let it out (cry) I have got great relief. I'm hoping members of this community may be able to give me some pointers of how to take a methodical approach to getting better with feelings and maybe stored trauma. I always push it down as I feel ashamed and weak to show emotions like that. It drives me crazy to hold onto it and not let myself let it go. I feel like I'm terrified to face this stuff and let it go / out. Can anyone relate to this?

Any tips, counseling suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
 
@Mando
Welcome! What a great introduction. Shows you are well into the work!
The Structured Educational Program might be a great fit for you to do the work. It’s free at TMSWiki.org (scroll down to find text link). The lessons guide you through the work daily, which help you with the resistance. You know what needs to be done. Try to stick with at least 20 mins of the journaling. If nothing comes up right: nothing coming up until maybe it does.
As for the emotions, it can take time. Sometimes a lot of time and physical body awareness. Emotions are physical sensations to you tune into your body after (or during) writing and just marvel aw what happens inside you: it might be a throbbing head of shame, hot tears of guilt, tickle in your throat of sadness, fiery heat of anger…note how that doesn’t stick around for long, just comes ang goes in a minute or two. Note it it just lasts seconds: this might be your resistance to allowing those sensations.
Try not to react if you sense resistance. The idea is to practice curiosity over self-judgement and not get into a whole thought of thought loops. Just feel.
Somedays nothing is gonna come up. Don’t sweat it.
You can also just practice it during your day. Take a minute to stop and ask “what am I feeling?” And just sit and drop your attention to your body sensations. I do this now when I sense an emotion. Even during a conversation, I drop into my body and let it flow, sense it come and go.
It’s kind of exhilarating and freeing when you get the hang of it.
 
Plus I would recommend this thread and the quiz about childhood experiences.
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/aces-quiz-online-printable-versions.27061 (ACEs "quiz" - online & printable versions)
If you answer the ten yes/no questions from your viewpoint as a child you might find childhood pressures you aren't aware of, even if they were subtle and not outright traumatic. That was my experience. Or, you might in fact have had one or more of the experiences listed. As Nicole often says, nobody escapes childhood unscathed.
 
Cactusflower said:
@Mando
Welcome! What a great introduction. Shows you are well into the work!
The Structured Educational Program might be a great fit for you to do the work. It’s free at TMSWiki.org (scroll down to find text link). The lessons guide you through the work daily, which help you with the resistance. You know what needs to be done. Try to stick with at least 20 mins of the journaling. If nothing comes up right: nothing coming up until maybe it does.
As for the emotions, it can take time. Sometimes a lot of time and physical body awareness. Emotions are physical sensations to you tune into your body after (or during) writing and just marvel aw what happens inside you: it might be a throbbing head of shame, hot tears of guilt, tickle in your throat of sadness, fiery heat of anger…note how that doesn’t stick around for long, just comes ang goes in a minute or two. Note it it just lasts seconds: this might be your resistance to allowing those sensations.
Try not to react if you sense resistance. The idea is to practice curiosity over self-judgement and not get into a whole thought of thought loops. Just feel.
Somedays nothing is gonna come up. Don’t sweat it.
You can also just practice it during your day. Take a minute to stop and ask “what am I feeling?” And just sit and drop your attention to your body sensations. I do this now when I sense an emotion. Even during a conversation, I drop into my body and let it flow, sense it come and go.
It’s kind of exhilarating and freeing when you get the hang of it.
Click to expand...

Thank you for welcome and the recommendation. I'll give it a go!

The hardest thing was writing the first post here, mainly because for years I have thought I have to do this all on my own. If I'm honest I'm ashamed that my health is like this, that I'm like this and it's hard telling anyone about it. It's just one big secret which I guess is the problem!

I've been doing journaling over recent weeks and breath work. I struggle with journaling as I don't feel I'm making much progress at all with it. Mostly I feel numb even though I feel anxious, lol.

Is it common to feel emotional more often during the day when practicing this work? I'm doing consciously connected breathing as per the presence process and hopefully this is all related.
 
JanAtheCPA said:
Plus I would recommend this thread and the quiz about childhood experiences.
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/aces-quiz-online-printable-versions.27061 (ACEs "quiz" - online & printable versions)
If you answer the ten yes/no questions from your viewpoint as a child you might find childhood pressures you aren't aware of, even if they were subtle and not outright traumatic. That was my experience. Or, you might in fact have had one or more of the experiences listed. As Nicole often says, nobody escapes childhood unscathed.
Click to expand...

Thank you for that. I answered yes to 3 but like you, on the surface I feel my childhood was pretty good. The years of pain and low self esteem might suggest otherwise...
 
Mando said:
Thank you for that. I answered yes to 3 but
Click to expand...
In my experience just observing and interacting here for almost 14 years, 3 ACEs is quite significant.

Start doing the Structured Educational Program on the main TMSWiki.org, which is free of cost and free of any kind of registration. Use your ACEs as a source of information when you get to the specific writing exercises. It should start to make more sense within the format of the program, rather than randomly trying to journal on your own!

The only prerequisites, which I think you already have at some level, are an open mind, and a willingness to be vulnerable as well as honest with yourself. Emotional vulnerability and honesty can't harm you, but the primitive TMS mechanism in your brain is responding to the fear and stress you feel about doing this work as if you are facing physical danger! This is because it literally doesn't understand any other reason why you might be stressed out. You will be spending a fair amount of time just calming down your irrational brain with rational and calming reassurances.

Remember what Nicole tells us, which is to Believe, Do the work, and always have Kindness and Patience for ourselves.
 
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