Doing things differently

[nowtimecoach]

I enjoyed several days without any pain, twinges or reminders that I have TMS. It Was GLORIOUS!!!!!!! I managed to get through a situation that required some stressful thinking about finances. Resolved it without bringing up TMS. The real test I thought would be to manage pulling off a party for 30 people this saturday without my back seizing up. I kept (and keep) reminding myself that it doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be the END ALL BE ALL party. I could see myself running into those thoughts and running myself ragged with trying to attain that. I patted myself on the back every time I caught the thinking and changed it. I could feel the changed attitude and belief resonating in my body.
Then as life does, I got thrown a curveball when my computer died with everything on it. I kind of live my life through these damned little boxes so the stress level went through the roof. I bought a new one. Figured I'll deal with the debt later. Fortunately had a back up service so yesterday was spent trying to restore and get back all my files. I don't need to go into all the details but the TMS came roaring back. What was different is that I kept reminding myself that it doesn't mean its going to stay forever - that I had lots and lots of anger and stress and pressure built up. I realized today that I went running yesterday but it was to relieve the pressure of the TMS (which was actually creating MORE pressure) when what I needed was a calming and relaxed walk. I could see more clearly the stress and pressure I was creating which helped me stay in "right mind." Instead of focusing on the TMS pain, I kept moving toward soothing the part of me that was freaking out and making things worse.
We'll see what the next couple of days bring to me. But for now, I am grateful that I had a backup service to restore all my work... that I have a birthday tomorrow and a big party to celebrate friendships and an awesome life. If TMS comes around, I'll put my arms around it, let it know I don't really need its services now but if it stays like an unwelcome guest, I'll just keep focusing on the good life I have and the gratitude I have for this forum!

 

[yb44]

I realized today that I went running yesterday but it was to relieve the pressure of the TMS (which was actually creating MORE pressure) when what I needed was a calming and relaxed walk.
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It just goes to show, nowtimecoach (what does this mean?), that we don't have to go with a vengeance. This just exacerbates the pain. I was digging in the garden this week trying to get my vegetable patch ready for planting. This digging business has been a major trigger and one that I have avoided whenever I can due to fear of symptoms returning. Previously I used the digging as a means to vent my anger at various people, as if I were digging their graves! As you say it just brought on the pain. This time, however, I paced myself. I set out to do a small section and as I turned over the earth I did so mindfully, not thinking about some past event that pressed my buttons or a person that p****d me off. Result: small gain but no pain. I am actually looking forward to making further headway with my digging this long weekend

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Nowtimecoach, anyone would feel pain or go ballistic with all that hit your fan.

A crapped out computer, buying a new one, and having the files restored would be enough
to make anyone scream. Here's a quote I found today on how someone else deals with their stresses:


“My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.”

Phyllis Diller

 

[nowtimecoach]

Thanks yb44. I liked your reminder to break things down... progress....
Walt - that is a great quote. I had a huge flareup yesterday and I had to keep working on this thought that I can control the TMS. I was so disappointed to have pain after so many days of normalcy and freedom!! I kept thinking "What am I doing wrong?!!!" I'm in better spirits today - the tms is here but I also understand that I have a volcano pressure valve and I've let too many things get to me. It may have been a little over the top to have a party for 30 people and not expect some kind of tension. I"m just going to try and enjoy myself the best I can.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Glad you liked the quote from Phyllis Diller.

I hope you enjoy the party coming up. Maybe try to spend most of the time with someone there that you really like.