Happy Holidays, everyone! I'm looking for some help. After about 1 year of a ton of "tendonitis", I finally discovered TMS in Oct. I've had great results. My pain was diagnosed as follows Knees: patellar tendonitis -bilateral Left elbow - pinched ulnar nerve (cubital tunnel), golfers elbow, tennis elbow, and tricep tendonitis (I'm a left handed artist :/ ) Right elbow - tennis elbow Right wrist - tendonitis, carpal tunnel That's just what I saw doctors and physical therapists for. By Oct, the pain had spread to both ankles (achilles and peroneal pain), my right shoulder, my right pec minor, and my left pec major. I went online one day looking for some type of mediation or something, anything, to help me deal with the depression of constant pain. Instead I found a blog from a young athlete who spoke about TMS; I'm so happy I did. So it's been 2 months since I read my first blog post about TMS. Since then I've read Dr. Sopher's "To be or not to be pain free" and Sarno's "Mind body prescription." I'm very excited to say that 99% of the upper body pain is gone. The ankles have pretty much calmed down except when trying to throw me for a loop (but that only last for a few mins or so) The knees though, those damned knees. If it's not the left one hurting, it's the right, and vice versa. Don't get me wrong, I've made great strides with them and I've gotten up to 5 mins or running and 6 mins of walking for my warmup. I was unable to run at all before. I emailed Dr. Sopher and he said that he has no doubt that I have TMS. (He got a much more background detailed story). I had a theory that my upper body pain left so quickly because I cared about it less, and my knees still hurt b/c I care about them more. Dr. Sopher agreed that that was what was going on as well. I've been soul searching and I've come to this point. I made running, jumping, climbing and being physically athletic part of how I define myself. In my circle of friends and family I've always been the fastest, the most agile, and quickest. Losing that, to the point where I could barely walk, really ripped at my core. I felt like my body betrayed me. Waking up and being unable to be athletic felt like a part of my heart or soul was dying slowly, every morning. I had a few people (they must have been jealous of me this whole time) who seemed to revel in it. They said "now you'll never be able to be fast again", "you'll never run again". They can still run, way slower than I, but now I couldn't run at all, so they became better than me, more powerful. I hate that and I hate them. (But they're my best friends….) Their comments and my pain developed into this beast that terrifies me. I can't stand! I can't stand, that idea of them being right about me and my injury. The hate and rage and fear that that generates in me is awesome and all consuming. I want to stuff it in their faces. I want to take their noses and rub it into the dust that I leave as I streak by them at my old, quick, pace. I also just want to run for joy again. Just to run and run and not worry. But I still have the knee pain and I'm progressing, but slowly, and every time I have a bit of a setback, the fear of them being right about me come back and I worry, "maybe I won't really get back to my old self?" Here are some more realizations. 1) This beast of worry and fear about my friends opinions has to be slowing down my healing/dealing with TMS 2) Having a physical aspect of myself (athleticism) as a major defining characteristic for myself, has to be slowing me down. It's stupid, we all get older and can do less athletic things and I shouldn't care about it. So what if I can run? So what if they think of me as a different person? But I care, I care oh so much! I also think that all the people saying "you're 30, you can't run anymore are full for crap", but I still have to overcome that as well. 3) My athleticism has been my armor since childhood. I was bullied in jr. high. I was bullied until I got my class on the soccer field in gym class. Then they stopped bullying me. Then, I was bullied in high school, until I held 3 school records for soccer. Now, I feel like my armor is gone. Now, I'm asking for help and guidance. Does anyone have an suggestions for getting over this? I've journaled. I write little sticky notes reminding myself how good I'm doing each time I increase my running time by 30 sec-60 secs. I yell at my TMS sometimes. I coddle it and tell it I'm okay sometimes. I take days off. Yet, it's always there, lurking. Edit: Geez, am I a freakin' perfectionist? I just re-read this. Yeah, upper body is fine now and instead of enjoying that, I'm saying "why can't I fix my knees that fast too!?" I'm not happy unless I'm perfect. Damn, it's hard to even shut that off a little :/ Still, any help would be awesome! Thanks!