Yeah, but I believe perfectionism and people pleasing don't just develop automatically and genetics are not too much of a factor,( parents have role in that tho but probably its more about what they teach you and not about "blood"). I think the underlying reason is low self-esteem. If you are a people pleaser you think deeply that you have to do something extra so people accept you and then you get some sort of satisfaction or temporary boost of self-esteem from that. Perfectionism is more like you have to prove something to yourself because you dont feel too valuable. I know people who are perfectionist because they want to impress other people so they feel better about themself- I am one of them too.
So people pleasing and perfectionism is only tip of the iceberg and means somewhere along the lines things happened in your life that you learned you arent't worth enough and should compensate.
Things like TMS happen for good reasons, they are distractions. I learned how much the pain and the efforst of finding the cure occupied 70% of my life.
And maybe you can't even name the events that caused you this kind of compensational behaviour cause you buried it deep inside yourself, or even if you know about it you probably don't give it too much weight. And boom you get the TMS.
I visualize it that everyone have a big bathtub and everytime something wrong happens bit of dirty water pours in it. Size of the bathtub depends on the individual (how much shit you can take in life) and the amount of dirty water that spills represents the size of the problem. There's a threshold where it breaks out from your bathtub and gives you symptoms. For a while you can just remove the stopper from the bathtub and drain the water and clean up the bathroom a bit- that's when people have very quick recoveries which can be immediate or takes a couple of days but they are fine. Other people let the dirty water to pour for years or decades. It contaminate the whole bathroom but with a bit of a cleanup you can still make your bathroom clean and nice- takes more time tho but you can still do it only yourself or with little help. And last case is when the water just flood everything and things in the house starts to rot. You can still restore your bathroom and house but you have to remove and change lots of things, taking out the stinky carpets and furnitures and changing them to new stuff, and maybe thinking about how can you minimize damage in the future in case it happens again. Its much harder, you may or may not capable of doing just yourself (therapy, self-helf groups, whatever).
So people pleasing and perfectionism is only tip of the iceberg and means somewhere along the lines things happened in your life that you learned you arent't worth enough and should compensate.
Things like TMS happen for good reasons, they are distractions. I learned how much the pain and the efforst of finding the cure occupied 70% of my life.
And maybe you can't even name the events that caused you this kind of compensational behaviour cause you buried it deep inside yourself, or even if you know about it you probably don't give it too much weight. And boom you get the TMS.
I visualize it that everyone have a big bathtub and everytime something wrong happens bit of dirty water pours in it. Size of the bathtub depends on the individual (how much shit you can take in life) and the amount of dirty water that spills represents the size of the problem. There's a threshold where it breaks out from your bathtub and gives you symptoms. For a while you can just remove the stopper from the bathtub and drain the water and clean up the bathroom a bit- that's when people have very quick recoveries which can be immediate or takes a couple of days but they are fine. Other people let the dirty water to pour for years or decades. It contaminate the whole bathroom but with a bit of a cleanup you can still make your bathroom clean and nice- takes more time tho but you can still do it only yourself or with little help. And last case is when the water just flood everything and things in the house starts to rot. You can still restore your bathroom and house but you have to remove and change lots of things, taking out the stinky carpets and furnitures and changing them to new stuff, and maybe thinking about how can you minimize damage in the future in case it happens again. Its much harder, you may or may not capable of doing just yourself (therapy, self-helf groups, whatever).
