Day 12 Does anyone have days when they just don't want to journal?

[Skeleton Bob]

I really didn't feel like journaling today, but I did it anyway. Only for about 10 minutes, but that's better than nothing.

I was looking forward to writing about personality traits. I know I can be a bit of a perfectionist, and people tell me I am as well. I think I go a bit over the top though. I am always telling myself things like

- Your memory is terrible, you idiot!
- That was so obvious, how did you not understand it
- Your not good enough for this/that/the other
- You will never be good enough to do that
- You could have done that much better
- That is all your fault and no-one elses
- You are not intelligent enough

That is just some of the thoughts I am telling myself. Would I dream of being so blunt and telling someone any of those, no of course not (plus I'm a people pleaser so of course I wouldn't!). So why am I treating myself so badly?! It's a real opener realising that you treat other people better than yourself. Clearly something has gone wrong, and no wonder I have a load of TMS pain. My subconscious is furious for all the criticism!

I am going to try and have less critical thoughts as see how I get on. I kind of feel like this some sort of breakthrough, hopefully I'm along the right lines.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Hi Bob! To respond to the title of your post, consider this: perhaps a reluctance to do this work might be your negative fearful brain trying to hold you back? Good job pushing through!