What was the most disheartening thing a doctor has told you about your symptoms? In what ways have you kept that in your mind?
The optometrist that so devastatingly misdiagnosed and mistreated me told me that many people who have vision like mine consider suicide. He meant to encourage me not to commit suicide but what he actually did was tell me that my vision situation (largely created by him) was so bad that some people kill themselves over it. (He also told me demons might be involved. I dont doubt that the evil one is out to get us, but...I actually just needed an updated glasses prescription and a neck treatment.)
He is a lot like my dad. Older, vehement, and negative. A very big personality, very hard to contradict. Also makes decisions for you.
Awful, awful man.
What he said is still stuck in my head and is one of the big causes of doubt about my TMS. What if he was right, and I do need $15K worth of vision therapy to recover?
I know it's not true because a second and third opinion both confirmed that my eyes are completely healthy, and now I am finally in a correct prescription.
I think the connection with my dad helps keep this hope alive.
But I am now feeling a lot of anger about this as I experience my symptoms improving with the TMS work (and with having gotten the correct prescription, of course. Just a contacts prescription! A normal thing! Not some awful condition!). Also a lot of blowback because by firing this guy I was sort of firing my dad from my head which feels dangerous.
But screw that, I want him out of there.
So there's anxiety that is masking anger because it feels so dangerous to be angry at an authoritarian man.
The optometrist that so devastatingly misdiagnosed and mistreated me told me that many people who have vision like mine consider suicide. He meant to encourage me not to commit suicide but what he actually did was tell me that my vision situation (largely created by him) was so bad that some people kill themselves over it. (He also told me demons might be involved. I dont doubt that the evil one is out to get us, but...I actually just needed an updated glasses prescription and a neck treatment.)
He is a lot like my dad. Older, vehement, and negative. A very big personality, very hard to contradict. Also makes decisions for you.
Awful, awful man.
What he said is still stuck in my head and is one of the big causes of doubt about my TMS. What if he was right, and I do need $15K worth of vision therapy to recover?
I know it's not true because a second and third opinion both confirmed that my eyes are completely healthy, and now I am finally in a correct prescription.
I think the connection with my dad helps keep this hope alive.
But I am now feeling a lot of anger about this as I experience my symptoms improving with the TMS work (and with having gotten the correct prescription, of course. Just a contacts prescription! A normal thing! Not some awful condition!). Also a lot of blowback because by firing this guy I was sort of firing my dad from my head which feels dangerous.
But screw that, I want him out of there.
So there's anxiety that is masking anger because it feels so dangerous to be angry at an authoritarian man.
