I saw Dr. Schechter about 5 days ago who says that he thought I had all the "classic signs of TMS". This felt good. Then he did the 6 tender points and didn't find anything tender...one spot felt "ticklish" to me but not really hurting when he pressed. He said that having tender points are only "another thing to point that someone has TMS" but since I didn't have those tender points, he said that was okay. This kind of leaves doubt in my mind though as I read in Sarno's book that 99% of people who have TMS show these tender points. Is that no longer true? Any thoughts on that as it is causing me to have doubts.
He said he was pretty convinced I had TMS and that if I needed tests to help prove to myself and him (although he said he was quite convinced I already had it), then I should do it. I got a nerve conduction test that day and am waiting to see what Dr. Schechter shows there. I got that test done because I told him despite 10 years of arm elbow pain that turned into hand/finger/arm pain I hadn't gotten any physical tests really so he said I could get the nerve test to rule out carpal tunnel.
I got the work book journal thing and am trying that out now and bought his book Think Away Your Pain. One interesting thing is Dr. Schecter mentions in his book that Anger may not just be the reason as Sarno is a strong believer in but can also be Fear and Panic (stress) as I know I identify myself as one who "worries" and gets therefore anxious, has low self esteem when I feel like I have to prove myself to people I don't know, and try to win people's favor, and do the "right thing" because I don't want to be criticized or disliked. Then I have pressure to succeed because of how old I am and where I am in my life which is not where my expectations are (I also have these expectations because I feel a girl won't want to be with me if I am not at this expectation level I have for myself).
I guess because of my anxiety and general worry attitude, I keep thinking "what if" like he is just another doctor misdiagnosing me like all the other doctor's who haven't gotten me well...I never full believe doctors because I have been let down so many times and question them on treatment because I feel like I know more than a lot of them due to poor treatment I've received in the past and lack of caring.
I have these "pricks" that I get in my butt or low back and even in the upper back at times. They make me concerned that nerves are getting in trouble. I feel like if I misdiagnose myself thinking I have TMS, things will get worse and I am fooling myself....On the other hand his book does make me open to the idea but as soon as pain "pricks" up or hand pain gets too bad, then it wins and I start thinking maybe the low back butt pain is Piriformis Syndrome since I discovered that if I am sitting or lay on floor with my knees bent and I press my butt muscle on my left hard, it pushes on my tailbone and I get this like crunchy sometimes shooting pain in there because the tail bone already is really "sore". The Piriformis Stretch I saw on a PT Video (
) gave some discomfort in my tailbone if I pressed hard enough. That kind of freaked me out like maybe I have this. I feel like since my tailbone is always sore that it is structural which makes sense (right?) but I guess if it is pelvic floor dysfunction, not getting worked up mentally (stress and anxious) that these muscles will relax. Dr. Schecter agreed that it probably is Pelvic Floor Dysfunction when I said health consultant friend thought it was Pelvic Floor Dysfunction for the genital shaft/groin/rectal pain. He said that a PT who does Pelvic Floor Dysfunction could work in there however since my various issues accumulated over 10 years in different areas (arms/low back/butt/pelvic issues/calf nerve feeling), going the mind to body approach would be better instead of what is currently happening now in Pelvic Floor that may change later on. This confused me a bit though because since something physical is there why would a mind issue fix that if he is saying Physical Therapy could fix that as well? I read Piriformis Syndrome can affect the tailbone as well as the buttocks and genital pain just like Pelvic Floor Dysfunction can from which made me again question maybe I have that instead since the stretch seemed to make things upset in that area? I haven't ruled that one out unless TMS can solve that?
So yes, I am still unfortunately in my mind feeling like I may be misdiagnosed and going to be left forever with this stuff because I think "well all of this can't all be TMS". I go back and forth about it.
As you can see, sometimes I get in this down hill spirals worrying about all this, questioning everything. Re-reading this last line as I am going over my post here this also brings to mind that I feel like if I put my issues to people especially girls like in my previous relationships, they leave me when I express my insecurities which I assume is because it makes me not a "man" but weak that they can "rely on me".
So yes, I definitely recognize mental stuff and how that definitely makes TMS make sense to me but at the same time I can't help have doubts and think there are so many "structural possibility's" that I am just "missing something" by giving up and going to the TMS route. I also tend to self doubt myself hence this whole post.
Vent done...Hope speaking my mind somehow hopes and I hope this isn't too long...(part of me is apologizing because I feel like my behavior writing this long post is asking too much of people like I am too demanding and not worthy or weird writing a post this long). I try to be self accepting of myself but when I put myself out there to people I don't know very well I feel like I am not worthy or something.
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