Day 9 Destructive behaviours

[Urbanjourney]

Definitely have become aware of my destructive behaviours over the years and have new perspective on them. Previously would have used them as a way to improve ie "You don't look like someone who goes to the gym" thinking this would then slingshot me into action to change things.
Through the process of the SEP, i've come to realise just how much i've been self critical...."you look old and therefore not the adventurer or sports person you once were, you're losing your hair, you look average not like those sports people you admire, your voice is very mono tone and boring unlike the actors you watch on TV" etc etc.
It's definitely a process of trying to turn a super tanker around in a bathtub but the change to self loving has to begin somewhere - if you don't try, the answer is most definitely going to be no every time. I love what tis program has allowed me to see and how it will positively effect my life and those around me.

 

[Forest]

Great work. You're not alone! I definitely saw myself in what you wrote.

 

[BloodMoon]

Another thought-provoking subject from you @Urbanjourney; I'm greatly appreciating your postings!

I'm an old lady now and I have to say that, although I don't like my crepey skin and wrinkles etc., I am the most content I have ever been my whole life regarding my appearance. Why? Because I can relax, having decided that I'm not going to be a King Canute trying to control the inevitable. I'm not going to have ridiculous plastic surgery or even 'good' plastic surgery that makes you look like someone else (I saw Michelle Pfeiffer, who's around my age, in a drama the other day and I only recognised her because I knew she was in it - she didn't look ridiculous but she just didn't look like her!)

Anyway, it's great not to be worrying about my appearance like I did when I was younger; particularly as a woman you're accused of 'letting yourself go' if you're less than ideal in the looks and the weight department. I'm pleased to be relieved of all the judgement and the struggle. Now, I do things - exercise, lose weight, etc - for my health in my old age.

I love this poem - perhaps you know it? - written by British poet Jenny Joseph in 1961:

Warning

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

 

[Volcano1963]

This thread is a deep one for me. I was in front of my Dad’s grave the other day, it also holds my mom and youngest brother. My sister opted for the ocean as the resting place for her ashes. The paralyzing sciatica right after my Dad died last february is what led me to this forum and the wiki, SEP, and community that is supporting my recovery.
I pulled the 3 of disks at the grave and today, after reading this thread, a meaning opens up…the three parts of my pain, (1) parent/child resurgence, (2) healing from crushed leg/ankle, (3) old age. Learning to distinguish the underlying source of pain and differentiate what brings the pain to the forefront is a challenge. Each part (source?) seems like a different facet toward learning to be fully embodied and capable of opening up to my full experience, my sense of agency, my willingness to be who I want to be. The challenge of a lifetime!

@BloodMoon , i’m sad to report the link says video unavailable.

Here’s A Nanao Sakaki poem I’ve loved for a long time

In the morning
After taking cold shower —–what a mistake—–
I look at the mirror.
There, a funny guy,
Grey hair, white beard, wrinkled skin, —–what a pity—–
Poor, dirty, old man!
He is not me, absolutely not.
Land and life
Fishing in the ocean
Sleeping in the desert with stars
Building a shelter in the mountains
Farming the ancient way
Singing with coyotes
Singing against nuclear war–
I'll never be tired of life.
Now I'm seventeen years old,
Very charming young man.
I sit down in lotus position,
Meditating, meditating for nothing.
Suddenly a voice comes to me:
“To stay young,
To save the world,
Break the mirror.”

 

[Urbanjourney]

This thread is a deep one for me. I was in front of my Dad’s grave the other day, it also holds my mom and youngest brother. My sister opted for the ocean as the resting place for her ashes. The paralyzing sciatica right after my Dad died last february is what led me to this forum and the wiki, SEP, and community that is supporting my recovery.
I pulled the 3 of disks at the grave and today, after reading this thread, a meaning opens up…the three parts of my pain, (1) parent/child resurgence, (2) healing from crushed leg/ankle, (3) old age. Learning to distinguish the underlying source of pain and differentiate what brings the pain to the forefront is a challenge. Each part (source?) seems like a different facet toward learning to be fully embodied and capable of opening up to my full experience, my sense of agency, my willingness to be who I want to be. The challenge of a lifetime!

@BloodMoon , i’m sad to report the link says video unavailable.

Here’s A Nanao Sakaki poem I’ve loved for a long time

In the morning
After taking cold shower —–what a mistake—–
I look at the mirror.
There, a funny guy,
Grey hair, white beard, wrinkled skin, —–what a pity—–
Poor, dirty, old man!
He is not me, absolutely not.
Land and life
Fishing in the ocean
Sleeping in the desert with stars
Building a shelter in the mountains
Farming the ancient way
Singing with coyotes
Singing against nuclear war–
I'll never be tired of life.
Now I'm seventeen years old,
Very charming young man.
I sit down in lotus position,
Meditating, meditating for nothing.
Suddenly a voice comes to me:
“To stay young,
To save the world,
Break the mirror.”

So so good. I too was at my mum's grave on Sunday and that will be another post as it's been some golden discovery for sure.
And also, in my mind for discussion was the question of differentiating what particular emotional burying is the key to my pain - which can be a challenge to work out but even as writing this, my thoughts go to "this is possibly the tendency to be impatient for the answer - I want to get there first before anyone else so I must race through this". Another great lesson for my uncoscious brain.
"To stay young, to save the world, Break the mirror" - What a poem! Thanks so much for sharing.

 

[Urbanjourney]

Another thought-provoking subject from you @Urbanjourney; I'm greatly appreciating your postings!

I'm an old lady now and I have to say that, although I don't like my crepey skin and wrinkles etc., I am the most content I have ever been my whole life regarding my appearance. Why? Because I can relax, having decided that I'm not going to be a King Canute trying to control the inevitable. I'm not going to have ridiculous plastic surgery or even 'good' plastic surgery that makes you look like someone else (I saw Michelle Pfeiffer, who's around my age, in a drama the other day and I only recognised her because I knew she was in it - she didn't look ridiculous but she just didn't look like her!)

Anyway, it's great not to be worrying about my appearance like I did when I was younger; particularly as a woman you're accused of 'letting yourself go' if you're less than ideal in the looks and the weight department. I'm pleased to be relieved of all the judgement and the struggle. Now, I do things - exercise, lose weight, etc - for my health in my old age.

I love this poem - perhaps you know it? - written by British poet Jenny Joseph in 1961:

Warning

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

I'm just so happy and appreciative of everyone in this community who is taking time to explore with me without judgement - it's a gift for sure.
And I feel i've always had an awareness in life about how the big old marketing machine works in the beauty industry and possibly with retail as well but that knowledge still doesn't protect me 100% from those few ads wherever they pop up that seem to hit the spot and tell me "Hey you, you look like a putz and you need to buy this product which magically transforms you into the guy on the box - fit, strong & highly successful"
Through reading all the information on neuroplasticity, it helps you understand the education you've been subtly getting your whole life and that the magic is that learned can become unlearned - I love that as something to work towards.
And also a great poem you've included - leads you nicely to the second last stanza where the truth bomb emerges....fantastic!