Desperate

[Tennis Tom]

I'm sitting alone my husband is shut in the spare room playing his guitar, he's had enough of my problems.

How does your husband think/feel about your TMS???

 

[Mermaid]

Ahhh, dearest Mermaid, I'm so sorry to hear that you are suffering so right now. Know that many of us have been there and can empathize with how dark and hopeless things can seem at time. I know that you know all the TMS healing techniques, and so practical advice is not what you need most at this point. However, I think you may find it helpful to read over your past posts that have been so helpful to so many here on the Forum. This may help you to connect to that more hopeful part of yourself that is overwhelmed right now.

It sounds strange, but I am glad to hear that you are in the hospital. It can be a good place to let go and let others take care of you for awhile. There is healing to be found in that alone.

I know you have been through hell with medication issues in the past, as have I and many others on the Forum, but I do believe there is a place for the right medications on a temporary basis to help us get through such a difficult period, e.g. old style anti-depressants and pain medication. They can sometimes let enough light in for us to see our way out of the darkness.

Every time I sat down to write my Success Story, I had a major relapse of symptoms. It would make me doubt myself for awhile, but then I was able to see that the fearful part of my brain just did not want to see my success written out, as it was like a death sentence to the TMS defense strategy that had protected me for so long. I remain hopeful that we will see your Success Story posted in the future.

Keep us posted on how you are doing. We are all here to support you as you have supported so many in the past.

With the warmest of love, I wish you peace, hope, and well being......

How does your husband think/feel about your TMS???

He thinks it's bullshit. He's about as far away from a TMS personality as you could imagine, so doesn't accept the concept. He thinks I should just pull myself together and says "stop reading all that crap, it's making you worse." Sometimes I think he has a point, because I'm finding it so hard to shake TMS I panic and feel like a failure reading how easily other suffers have recovered.
I don't want to make him sound cold and unsympathetic because he'said not. He gets as frustrated as I do because my TMS effects his lifestyle too. He'did like us to be as carefree as we used to be before all this started.

 

[MWsunin12]

He thinks it's bullshit. He's about as far away from a TMS personality as you could imagine, so doesn't accept the concept. He thinks I should just pull myself together and says "stop reading all that crap, it's making you worse." Sometimes I think he has a point, because I'm finding it so hard to shake TMS I panic and feel like a failure reading how easily other suffers have recovered.
I don't want to make him sound cold and unsympathetic because he'said not. He gets as frustrated as I do because my TMS effects his lifestyle too. He'did like us to be as carefree as we used to be before all this started.

One thing that stood out for me was that you wrote that your husband was "playing his guitar." I think those of us with TMS don't do enough of "self-soothing" enjoyable activities. I've come to realize that happy people don't have TMS. They may not be happy all the time, but they return to some sort of peaceful state quickly because they don't have the self-punishment and fear of punishment aspect so many of us seem to have.

If I may suggest, as a thought: Both your Mother and your job are demands, even if you do love both. Our symptoms are our ego "demanding" that we focus on ourselves. I'm with the very insightful @balto. You need to do some things that create a sense of pleasure. Me, too. I don't do it, either.

Thinking of you today. Thank you for letting us all "grow" through your challenge as well. We are here for you!!

 

[Tennis Tom]

Thanks for your candid answer Mermaid, sometimes spouses are on-board with TMS and supportive, and sometimes they're not. It's a shame you are in such agony and he is strumming in the room next door. When I was in my own TMS/"clinical depression" a few years back, my brother who is also my business partner, (or was would be more accurate now), showed me no empathy, and advised me to buy a house and fix it up in order to get better.

 

[Mermaid]

One thing that stood out for me was that you wrote that your husband was "playing his guitar." I think those of us with TMS don't do enough of "self-soothing" enjoyable activities. I've come to realize that happy people don't have TMS. They may not be happy all the time, but they return to some sort of peaceful state quickly because they don't have the self-punishment and fear of punishment aspect so many of us seem to have.

If I may suggest, as a thought: Both your Mother and your job are demands, even if you do love both. Our symptoms are our ego "demanding" that we focus on ourselves. I'm with the very insightful @balto. You need to do some things that create a sense of pleasure. Me, too. I don't do it, either.

Thinking of you today. Thank you for letting us all "grow" through your challenge as well. We are here for you!!

What a brilliant insightful post. I couldn't agree more. I know I don't have enough pleasure in my life it's just hard to find the energy to do anything. I have to work full time, visit my mum in nursing home, my dad who is still independent at 89 years old thankfully, keep house and take care of all the practicalities of life. It doesn't help that we live in quite a remote spot, so it takes planning to see my friends. I'm always better in summertime when I can work in my garden in the evenings. The constant pain drains my energy too. I know I need a life and me time and all that stuff to get well, but that's easier said than done.

 

[Mermaid]

Thanks for your candid answer Mermaid, sometimes spouses are on-board with TMS and supportive, and sometimes they're not. It's a shame you are in such agony and he is strumming in the room next door. When I was in my own TMS/"clinical depression" a few years back, my brother who is also my business partner, (or was would be more accurate now), showed me no empathy, and advised me to buy a house and fix it up in order to get better.

Hey Tom most mornings I wake up feeling like I remodelled a house during the night !!
I'm sorry your brother gave you a hard time. My husband blows hot and cold with me, sometimes he's great and really understanding and sometimes he's a complete heartless shit.

 

[Mermaid]

Tom I forgot to ask, how did you turn the corner and get yourself free of TMS?

 

[plum]

Mermaid,

I'm a carer (my hubby has young-onset Parkinsons). My parents are elderly. My mum had a stroke last year and her mind is affected. My dad's mind is fine but he had surgery early in the year that didn't go as planned and the repercussions roll on. My mum-in-law is 90 and housebound. I'm peri-menopausal and have done the rounds of TMS for 16 bloody long years. I've earned my spurs and I really do understand the desperation you are feeling but I swear to you that the stranglehold of TMS can be broken.

I've written endlessly on here about how essential pleasure is for tipping the rage to soothe ratio in one's favour. I've also written a lot about what to do when the old school Sarno stuff fails. It didn't work for me. I crafted my own path. It's not easy but it is doable.

God alone knows how hard it's been to reach this point but once I started making gains, I knew in my marrow that I would triumph. I get setbacks and flare-ups and these always coincide with a surge in stress and pressure. Such as when I have to shoulder the burden of not only my hubby's care but the hospitalization of a parent too. I've been left holding the fort more times than I care to mention but here's the thing...it's made me resilient and strong. And the more I ground myself in the practices that soothe and nurture me, the more powerful this serenity and inner strength becomes.

You have to make time for yourself and for your healing. No one else will do it for you. You have to love yourself enough to do this. Screw all the new age shit. This is real good old fashioned self respect and self regard. Nurture your self esteem and when the shit hits the fan you become useful and compassionate enough to help, love and heal your people instead of behaving like the quintessential selfish bastard who never gets their hands emotionally dirty. Every family has a joker of that variety.

What else can you do?
Continue to suffer?
Run away?
Or give rise to the strong and gentle and beautiful woman that you are.

Plum x

 

[balto]

I know I need a life and me time and all that stuff to get well, but that's easier said than done.

"two prisoners looking out the window bars, one saw the mud, the other saw the stars."
sometimes we don't heal because we try too hard. We keep thinking there must be some deep buried traumatic emotion somewhere in our hard drive that is causing this monster tms we are suffering from. Don't make that mistake Mermaid. Tms is very simple. Here is the formula for tms:
Negative emotions over a period of time causing symptoms -> Tms symptoms create danger signal in our mind -> Danger signal causing fear emotion -> Fear is a negative emotion so back to number 1. looping and looping and looping... until you can stop your FEAR.

Don't go around looking for what causing it. Don't search for that "one" traumatic moment 30 years ago. That bully, that rape, that abuse, that abandon, that lost love, that homeless..... is not what causing your tms. It is what you think about it that is the cause. You fear it, you hated it, you don't like it... that is the cause. There are moment that you thought you were cure and then boom, the extinction burst hit you and you're back to square one. FEAR, that all it is. FEAR. Don't ever try to get rid of your symptoms. Try to get rid of your fear. Go slow, don't rush to heal. Focus on getting rid of your fear. Focus on how to enjoy your life right now. Think of your symptoms like a pimple on your face. Just live. Change your perception and LIVE.
Think about it Mermaid. If what happened to us can be the cause of tms then all the people who live in Somalia would be on disability right now. All North Koreans would be in the hospital.... Do you know why they are not? because they accepted their situation. They looked around them and everyone's life is just like them. It is the what they consider a "normal" life.

Just accept what life is handing you, smile, enjoy it. When shit happened (and shit happened to all of us) just say F...k it, I'll be OK.

 

[Tennis Tom]

Tom I forgot to ask, how did you turn the corner and get yourself free of TMS?

I accepted what Dr. Sarno said, that TMS is part of the human condition, it is a PROTECTOR and not a punisher, a defense mechanism when life becomes too much. TMS is not logical, the gremlin pops up from time to time with weird symptoms. If I haven't fallen off the roof of a building or been hit by a bus, I think psychological to what may be bugging me. If it's a cramp it may go away in a moment, if it's a frozen shoulder it may be a day or two. I invite new symptoms to laugh at. I haven't had a symptom for awhile, I may or may not have arthritis in my hip that TMS docs told me to get a hip-replacement for--I just keep playing tennis everyday, more then the docs do I'm sure and run in the pool 30 minutes a day and some back-stroke to stretch out after tennis. It doesn't hurt in bed or sitting in a chair. I can drive all day, and would take off on a cross-country road trip in a blizzard in my Jeep in a minute. I'd rather keep the pain I know then get a new one. As, the Good Doctor said, TMS is part of the human condition. It's not something you're "cured" of, it's there because our subconscious decides we need the distraction from dealing with life consciously head-on. Success breeds success--just do it.

Mermaid, if you're not feeling better, call Georgie Oldfield.

 

[colls100]

@balto you're so right!

I've been lightheaded for years and only since I have been working on TMS I experienced vertigo for the first time, which really scared me and made me worry for days.

I read your post today and then maybe an hour later during a team meeting the room started to spin. I remembered your post and your advice, do not fear it! In my head I just told it 'I'm not scared, this is pointless, you're not scaring me' over and over again

I didn't try to hold onto anything, lie down, or tell anyone I was sitting with that I was feeling that way. And it resolved almost immediately. It had a second go at me a moment later but I used the same technique. I'm going to yoga in an hour as planned, and am not going to worry about it at all. If anything it's a good sign that my TMS is freaked out that I'm getting to the bottom of all this and is trying some scarier symptoms.

I really believe that fear is at the root of this. Before discovering Sarno I would of been back at my computer googling vertigo, a month ago I would have been searching this forum for vertigo, but now I think I know the answer. Just think f*ck it, I don't care and I'm not scared. And do what I was going to do anyway.

Maybe next time I won't feel the need to share my news that the symptom went away, because I won't care that it did!

I hope that's not too far away, this extinction burst thing sounds like an annoying f*cker!

Thank you so much

 

[balto]

I read your post today and then maybe an hour later during a team meeting the room started to spin. I remembered your post and your advice, do not fear it! In my head I just told it 'I'm not scared, this is pointless, you're not scaring me' over and over again

some wise people gave me some tip sometimes ago. Our mind follow our action. If we act as if we're happy, healthy, content, ... then our mind will be happy, healthy, and content. Keep your shoulder straight. Open your eyes wide and look confidence. Keep a smile on your face. Walk straight and say I am the best I can be.
Human are creatures of habit. Just be persistent and give it sometimes we human can adapt to almost anything throw at us. The first steps are always the toughest, but after sometimes that "thing" we want to adapt will become us. Good or bad habit.
Let take smoking and drinking as an example. That first cigarette, that first beer taste terrible. Burning, choking, horrible taste. And yet, if in our mind we "want to do it". We think it cool, fun, and make us look fit it. Then overtime, one day after so many cigarette, so many beers, we just couldn't live without them. To got rid of them we do the reverse. We go without them for a few day then few more days then one day we just quit. After a while they start to taste terrible again.
If you keep doing what you just say you did in your post then one day your body will just take the hint and adapt. It will not produce FEAR anymore even when you have all these symptoms. And then without fear the symptoms will just melt away.
Goodbye fear, goodbye symptoms.

 

[Celayne]

If you keep doing what you just say you did in your post then one day your body will just take the hint and adapt. It will not produce FEAR anymore even when you have all these symptoms. And then without fear the symptoms will just melt away.
Goodbye fear, goodbye symptoms.

I have been working on this, not FEARING my symptoms. I love the way you put this. Concise and true.