Decrease in sexual performance

M

mindfulliving

Peer Supporter
Hi all friends....i was about to post my success story on this forum and help others....but i seemed to have bumped into a rather odd symptom...and yes it has had a worried...

For a brief history...i had tms prostatitis like pain in my rectal and genital region....which went away once i learnt of tms...was replaced by anxiety...which went away after doing mindfulness meditation and feeling my feelings...basically treating myself better...

Now i have been hit with another symptom....i just got married three months ago....just a week before the symptoms started.....i caught my wife talking to somebody i was not comfortable with...and had made that clear with her...and she was talking to him about our private life behind my back and deleting messages from her phone....

This made me extremely sad and i tried my best to allow myself to not repress that sadness...i meditated daily and conciously felt that sadness, or that heavy feeling in your chest...

We were not completely ok but still managed to get intimate once...

One morning i was awoken by her and she wanted to get intimate...but i was unable to perform...

Boom right on from there....i got extremely stressed....i kind of knew it was tms and kept aceppting and meditating on even the most catrastrophic thoughts.....

After a week now....i suffer from mild depression and anxiety due to this problem....i can still perform during our intimacy....but it takes me some time
To prepare and that is stressing me out alot....i am doing my best and treating this as tms....

My question is...do you guys think a decrease in sexual performance could be tms....or should i see a doctor...i do not have diabetes or any form of heart problems but am on the heavy side and have been hitting the gym to work on that....

Let me know if anyone else has tackled a similar situation before...i feel the symptom is still there even when i am completely relaxed...
 
Keep hitting the Gym, your worries about that incident have to go before you will be able to trust her. That's the problem, trust. If she is willing she will stop all of the things that create that pain in you.
You have to learn to look at all of this from a different perspective. Imagine seeing yourself and your wife as being perfectly happy in your visualizations and you will soon see it come to pass. Tms is all about worry and agitation whether its unconscious or not, its your decision.... You have beat the tms, you know what to do.
Bless You
 
Eric "Herbie" Watson said:
Keep hitting the Gym, your worries about that incident have to go before you will be able to trust her. That's the problem, trust. If she is willing she will stop all of the things that create that pain in you.
You have to learn to look at all of this from a different perspective. Imagine seeing yourself and your wife as being perfectly happy in your visualizations and you will soon see it come to pass. Tms is all about worry and agitation whether its unconscious or not, its your decision.... You have beat the tms, you know what to do.
Bless You
Click to expand...
Thank you sir...your words are one of the main reasons i was guided towards healing many many times and i am truly grateful to you

Do you think tms can cause? Or maybe with the worry? Cause problems in bed?
 
mindfulliving said:
Thank you sir...your words are one of the main reasons i was guided towards healing many many times and i am truly grateful to you

Do you think tms can cause? Or maybe with the worry? Cause problems in bed?
Click to expand...
Of course, I had the same problem many times before if I would think something was happening that wasn't right in my mind. Remember to think of the way you want it to be with your life and your relationships and you will be fine, all is well -- believe that. Thank you for your words of kindness, I am humbled -- now go and let that worry go, you will turn out super.
Bless You
 
Eric "Herbie" Watson said:
Of course, I had the same problem many times before if I would think something was happening that wasn't right in my mind. Remember to think of the way you want it to be with your life and your relationships and you will be fine, all is well -- believe that. Thank you for your words of kindness -- now go and let that worry go, you will turn out super.
Bless You
Click to expand...

Wow...thank you sir....even the doctor i spoke to says its psychological/emotional...now i'm just gna let it go and move on and do as much as i can...thank you eric you ard the man!
 
Hi, Mindfulliving. I'll bow to Herbie in giving advice on bedroom matters, and his seems to be really right.

Do your best at singing, dancing, skipping rope, eating your spinach, and making love.

There's an art to everything, and don't worry about your performance.
 
Hi all,

Some help needed here....3 months of doing perfectly fine...living the life of my dreams and finding it much easier to feel my emotions

And then hit with mild sexual dysfunction that worsened the more i got anxious and depressed about it...

Spoke to derek sapico....confirmed 100% tms...he told me that many others like me who had experienced problems in their genito-urinary system experienced this symptom and over came it

Once my brain had confirmed it as tms....not worried much about it anymore...boom that very afternoon....hit with intense anxiety followed by depression...

All type of catrostrophic thoughts enter my mind especially the "oh damn- full blown relapse...but i'm doing everything right" my perfectionist personality came in i guess

Tried meditation and acxepting thoughts as well as watching the anxiety without judgement....finding it extremely tough


Last night the anxious feeling left


During meditation....i tried to have compassion for myself...feel that sadness in my chest....really allow myself to feel it without judgement....compassion and sadness for that 4 year old child that was tormented by that inner bully

Suddenly i felt this natural mild anger...not so much in my body...it just felt likea natural anger response towards that inner bully

From that point onwards....felt calm...like i had made peace with myself...that lasted till this morning and now i'm feeling anxious again...

I hope there is a way out....i really hope...because whenever i'm trying to feel my feelings...there is a load of anxiety which is followed by depression

During that depression i feel sadness and i do my best to link it to the way i'm treating myself....

I'm going through a panic crisis right now guys and would love your responses and experiences...and advice
 
Listen to the audios below and use all the tools Claire Talks about and the ones Abraham Lowe talks about. Only learn 1 tool and a day and soon you will be fine,
Bless You


These audio recordings of Claire Weekes have gotten me through a lot


Part 1

http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/media/relaxation2/How-To-Recover1.mp3

Part 2

http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/media/relaxation2/How-To-Recover2.mp3

Part 3

http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/media/relaxation2/How-To-Recover3.mp3

Part 4

http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/media/relaxation2/How-To-Recover4.mp3


Here is just some of Claire's Wisdom -- these are some of her most famous tools

Dos and Don’ts
1. Do not run away from fear. Analyze it and see it as no more then physical feelings. Feelings are not facts, do not be bluffed.
2. Accept all strange sensations connected with your illness. Do not
fight them. Float past them. Recognize that they are temporary.
3. Let there be no self-pity.
4. Settle your problems as quickly as you can, if not with action, then by glimpsing and accepting a new point of view.
5. Waste no time on “What might have been” and “If only…”
6. Face sorrow and know that time will bring relief.
7. Be occupied. Do not lie in bed brooding. Be occupied calmly , not feverishly trying to forget yourself.
8. Remember that the strength in a muscle may depend on the confidence with which it is used.
9. Accept your obsessions and be prepared to live with them
temporarily. Do not fight them by trying to push them away. Let time do
that.
10. Remember your recovery does not necessarily depend “entirely on
you” as so many people are so ready to tell you. You may need help.
Accept it willingly, without shame.
11. Do not measure your progress day by day. Don’t count the months,
years you have been ill and despair at the thought of them. Once you
are on the right road to recovery, recovery is inevitable, however
protracted your illness may have been.
12. Remember withdrawal is your jailer. Recovery lies on the other side of panic. Recovery lies in places you fear.
13. Do not be discouraged if you cannot make decisions while you are ill. When you are well, decisions will be more easily made.
14. Never accept total defeat. It is never too late to give yourself another chance.
15. Practice don’t test.
16. Face. Accept. Float. Let time pass.
If you do this, you WILL recover.

I want to say what facing is where you know your about to have anxiety or a pain episode right. So you don't fear it, or judge it or criticize it. Wait for it to come if it must, most everyone has been taught to hate anxiety and Pain. Well the more you hate it the more it will become and the bigger it will get so you have to learn how to Float. I'd highly recommend getting her book ok.


This is a list of Dr. Abraham Lowes most famous Tools.

Tools List
The tools on this list are quoted or adapted from Mental Health Through Will Training (MH), Selections from Dr. Low’s Works (SEL) and Manage Your Fears, Manage Your Anger (MYF) and will help you take part in a Recovery International meeting. Many other tools can be found in these books.
Some Basic RI Tools
Treat mental health as a business and not as a game………………..…...……………MH ch.25
Humor is our best friend, temper is our worst enemy……………………………….…..MH p.108
If you can't change a situation you can change your attitude towards it...MYF p.108, Sel. p.31‐32
Be self‐led, not symptom‐led. …..………………………………………......MYF p.114‐118, 280‐283
Nervous symptoms and sensations are distressing but not dangerous…….….….. SEL p.53, MH p.115, 119
Temper is, among other things, an intellectual blindness to the other side of the story…………MH p.159
Comfort is a want, not a need. ………………………………..……………......….....MH chs.13, 22
There is no right or wrong in the trivialities of every day life………...SEL p.39, MH p.157, 195‐196
Calm begets calm, temper begets temper………………………….…...…….MYF p.245, SEL p.31
Don't take our own dear selves too seriously………………………………....………….MH p.109
Feelings should be expressed and temper suppressed…………………....……...…....MH p.178
Helplessness is not hopelessness………………………..……………….……MH ch.7, MYF p.184
Some people have a passion for self‐distrust…….…………...…..…….MH ch.29 & MYF Lecture 2
Temper maintains and intensifies symptoms………………………..…….……….……MH p. 219
Do things in part acts……………………………………………….…….……….……MH p.246‐249
Endorse yourself for the effort, not only for the performance……...…….MYF p.13, SEL p.46, 132
Have the courage to make a mistake………………..……….MH p.203, ch.30, MYF p.60, SEL p.108
Feelings are not facts……………………………...……………..………….MH ch.9, MYF Lecture 14
Do the things you fear and hate to do……………...………..…………...MH p. 329‐330, MYF p.197
Fear is a belief –– beliefs can be changed………………………………………….MYF p.266‐269
Every act of self‐control leads to a sense of self‐respect....…………….…….………..MH p.166
Decide, plan and act. ………………………….……………………………………………...MH p.42
Any decision will steady you……………………………………...……………….………...MYF p.5
Anticipation is often worse than realization….…………………..…..………….MH p.114‐115, 146
Replace an insecure thought with a secure thought……………..……….….……..MYF Lecture 1
Bear the discomfort in order to gain comfort…………………….………….…………….MH p.149
Hurt feelings are just beliefs not shared………………………………….………………..SEL p.21
Self‐appointed expectations lead to self‐induced frustrations…………….…………….SEL p.35
People do things that annoy us, not necessarily to annoy us………..…...…………….MH ch.48
Knowledge teaches you what to do, practice tells you how to do it……...……………SEL p.118
Muscles can be commanded to do what one fears to do………………………..……..SEL p.123
Tempers are frequently uncontrolled, but not uncontrollable.…………………………..MH p.392
 
Eric "Herbie" Watson said:
Listen to the audios below and use all the tools Claire Talks about and the ones Abraham Lowe talks about. Only learn 1 tool and a day and soon you will be fine,
Bless You


These audio recordings of Claire Weekes have gotten me through a lot


Part 1

http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/media/relaxation2/How-To-Recover1.mp3

Part 2

http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/media/relaxation2/How-To-Recover2.mp3

Part 3

http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/media/relaxation2/How-To-Recover3.mp3

Part 4

http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/media/relaxation2/How-To-Recover4.mp3


Here is just some of Claire's Wisdom -- these are some of her most famous tools

Dos and Don’ts
1. Do not run away from fear. Analyze it and see it as no more then physical feelings. Feelings are not facts, do not be bluffed.
2. Accept all strange sensations connected with your illness. Do not
fight them. Float past them. Recognize that they are temporary.
3. Let there be no self-pity.
4. Settle your problems as quickly as you can, if not with action, then by glimpsing and accepting a new point of view.
5. Waste no time on “What might have been” and “If only…”
6. Face sorrow and know that time will bring relief.
7. Be occupied. Do not lie in bed brooding. Be occupied calmly , not feverishly trying to forget yourself.
8. Remember that the strength in a muscle may depend on the confidence with which it is used.
9. Accept your obsessions and be prepared to live with them
temporarily. Do not fight them by trying to push them away. Let time do
that.
10. Remember your recovery does not necessarily depend “entirely on
you” as so many people are so ready to tell you. You may need help.
Accept it willingly, without shame.
11. Do not measure your progress day by day. Don’t count the months,
years you have been ill and despair at the thought of them. Once you
are on the right road to recovery, recovery is inevitable, however
protracted your illness may have been.
12. Remember withdrawal is your jailer. Recovery lies on the other side of panic. Recovery lies in places you fear.
13. Do not be discouraged if you cannot make decisions while you are ill. When you are well, decisions will be more easily made.
14. Never accept total defeat. It is never too late to give yourself another chance.
15. Practice don’t test.
16. Face. Accept. Float. Let time pass.
If you do this, you WILL recover.

I want to say what facing is where you know your about to have anxiety or a pain episode right. So you don't fear it, or judge it or criticize it. Wait for it to come if it must, most everyone has been taught to hate anxiety and Pain. Well the more you hate it the more it will become and the bigger it will get so you have to learn how to Float. I'd highly recommend getting her book ok.


This is a list of Dr. Abraham Lowes most famous Tools.

Tools List
The tools on this list are quoted or adapted from Mental Health Through Will Training (MH), Selections from Dr. Low’s Works (SEL) and Manage Your Fears, Manage Your Anger (MYF) and will help you take part in a Recovery International meeting. Many other tools can be found in these books.
Some Basic RI Tools
Treat mental health as a business and not as a game………………..…...……………MH ch.25
Humor is our best friend, temper is our worst enemy……………………………….…..MH p.108
If you can't change a situation you can change your attitude towards it...MYF p.108, Sel. p.31‐32
Be self‐led, not symptom‐led. …..………………………………………......MYF p.114‐118, 280‐283
Nervous symptoms and sensations are distressing but not dangerous…….….….. SEL p.53, MH p.115, 119
Temper is, among other things, an intellectual blindness to the other side of the story…………MH p.159
Comfort is a want, not a need. ………………………………..……………......….....MH chs.13, 22
There is no right or wrong in the trivialities of every day life………...SEL p.39, MH p.157, 195‐196
Calm begets calm, temper begets temper………………………….…...…….MYF p.245, SEL p.31
Don't take our own dear selves too seriously………………………………....………….MH p.109
Feelings should be expressed and temper suppressed…………………....……...…....MH p.178
Helplessness is not hopelessness………………………..……………….……MH ch.7, MYF p.184
Some people have a passion for self‐distrust…….…………...…..…….MH ch.29 & MYF Lecture 2
Temper maintains and intensifies symptoms………………………..…….……….……MH p. 219
Do things in part acts……………………………………………….…….……….……MH p.246‐249
Endorse yourself for the effort, not only for the performance……...…….MYF p.13, SEL p.46, 132
Have the courage to make a mistake………………..……….MH p.203, ch.30, MYF p.60, SEL p.108
Feelings are not facts……………………………...……………..………….MH ch.9, MYF Lecture 14
Do the things you fear and hate to do……………...………..…………...MH p. 329‐330, MYF p.197
Fear is a belief –– beliefs can be changed………………………………………….MYF p.266‐269
Every act of self‐control leads to a sense of self‐respect....…………….…….………..MH p.166
Decide, plan and act. ………………………….……………………………………………...MH p.42
Any decision will steady you……………………………………...……………….………...MYF p.5
Anticipation is often worse than realization….…………………..…..………….MH p.114‐115, 146
Replace an insecure thought with a secure thought……………..……….….……..MYF Lecture 1
Bear the discomfort in order to gain comfort…………………….………….…………….MH p.149
Hurt feelings are just beliefs not shared………………………………….………………..SEL p.21
Self‐appointed expectations lead to self‐induced frustrations…………….…………….SEL p.35
People do things that annoy us, not necessarily to annoy us………..…...…………….MH ch.48
Knowledge teaches you what to do, practice tells you how to do it……...……………SEL p.118
Muscles can be commanded to do what one fears to do………………………..……..SEL p.123
Tempers are frequently uncontrolled, but not uncontrollable.…………………………..MH p.392
Click to expand...


Thank you so so much for all this herbie

You are doing more for me and i havent even done anything for you...i am extremely grateful

I have noticed my anxiety and depression only lasted 2 days and are now gone

But since morning was still worried about the quality of erections...the quality seems to have decreased significantly and i'm scared to have sex with my wife...scared of failure...

But this evening i vented out some anger and frustration...really tried to feel as much anger as i could at somebody that bothers me...

And within an hour my erections were stronger and thoughts about weak erections have dissappeared

Now this may be temporary...but it is still a breakthrough


Can repressed anger cause erectile problems?...because i have never sufferend from
These type of issues until recenlty...it seems like its part of the symptom imperative...
 
mindfulliving said:
Can repressed anger cause erectile problems?...because i have never sufferend from
These type of issues until recenlty...it seems like its part of the symptom imperative...
Click to expand...

Are you kidding, SEX is 90%+ in the head. You said in an earlier post that you heard your newly-wed wife talking to another man. Was she just talking to another man or was she cheating on you?
 
Tennis Tom said:
Are you kidding, SEX is 90%+ in the head. You said in an earlier post that you heard your newly-wed wife talking to another man. Was she just talking to another man or was she cheating on you?
Click to expand...


I dont know...she says no...but deep inside me i still feel trust issues

And that has caused my general boner to die and me to become depressed because i feel inadequate and useless
 
I feel i need to release sadness and anger about this issue...maybe journal about it tommorow...

I have been up and down...during the day i'm extremely worried...by night i am calm and collected...its weird but i'm not dwelling too much on this pattern....

I'm sure other tms'ers have been here before...

I know i have been here before...but once i stopped worrying about it....and put pressure on myself....it improved and became just fine within a few weeks
 
Tennis Tom said:
Are you kidding, SEX is 90%+ in the head. You said in an earlier post that you heard your newly-wed wife talking to another man. Was she just talking to another man or was she cheating on you?
Click to expand...


By in the head, are you saying definitely tms?

Because i've had alan gordon's friend...whose name is derek sapico...diagnose it as 100% tms
 
You are doing great mindfulliving, let go of that tension, you have had your break my friend, now leap for joy- trust again and never let that pain of what if come back. I am proud of you - you are the well spring of all your peace. You are the creator of your happiness, keep that knowledge and let your energy radiate wholeness now.
 
Alright guys...just a short update...feeling very very lethargic during the day....no urge to do anything...have to force myself to live

But sometimes during meditation...i try my best to switch my mind to an attitude of acceptance....and that has worked wonders...make thoughts lose their power by accepting them...

Thats what i did earlier when i had gotten better...it is claire weekes method...accept feelings and thoughts of fear and accept the anxious feeling...

Change your attitude to an attitude of acceptancr....thats what i feel really helped me on my journey....it helps you reach the goal of outcome independence for a while until old methods creep in

I'm doing my best to love myself more...care for myself and feel as many feelings as i can...sadness i feel many times during the day....

Was watching the new x-men movie today and when i saw the mutants all being killed i felt sadness in my chest and softness around the eyes....
 
mindfulliving, re-frame what is happening to you. Its ok to feel your feelings but you have to change the meaning of your thoughts to them after you feel them ok.
You are down and having to force yourself to live. No.... Fill your thoughts with gratitude and be thankful for the life you have to live.
Remember these notes from Abraham Lowe -
Be self‐led, not symptom‐led.
Nervous symptoms and sensations are distressing but not dangerous…
Temper is, among other things, an intellectual blindness to the other side of the story…
Comfort is a want, not a need. …
There is no right or wrong in the trivialities of every day life…
Calm begets calm, temper begets temper..
Don't take our own dear selves too seriously…
Feelings should be expressed and temper suppressed...

Get out and enjoy your day, watch something that will make you laugh. Happiness and peace come from within you pal. Know that, bless you.
 
Eric "Herbie" Watson said:
mindfulliving, re-frame what is happening to you. Its ok to feel your feelings but you have to change the meaning of your thoughts to them after you feel them ok.
You are down and having to force yourself to live. No.... Fill your thoughts with gratitude and be thankful for the life you have to live.
Remember these notes from Abraham Lowe -
Be self‐led, not symptom‐led.
Nervous symptoms and sensations are distressing but not dangerous…
Temper is, among other things, an intellectual blindness to the other side of the story…
Comfort is a want, not a need. …
There is no right or wrong in the trivialities of every day life…
Calm begets calm, temper begets temper..
Don't take our own dear selves too seriously…
Feelings should be expressed and temper suppressed...

Get out and enjoy your day, watch something that will make you laugh. Happiness and peace come from within you pal. Know that, bless you.
Click to expand...

Yes happiness does come from within...today was a much better day...didnt feel very down at all...got alot of music made in my recording studio and hit the gym as well as went for a egening walk and enjoyed it...

I think once you stop fearing thr sumptom...thats when you are truly ready to heal....i'm quite certain this is the last atrand of the symptom imperative for me...after this im gna be free like a bird haha

Thank you eric...if there is anything i can do for you please let me know...i am grateful for your words asthey give me motivation to live...thank you eric
 
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