Day One

Hey there,

I suffer from TMS. I found out about TMS not too long ago. My wife bought me, "Healing Back Pain" by Dr Sarno. I saw myself on every single page and it was relieving to know I wasn't the only one! Below is my story

I am a male who is going to be 40 in Feb....About 8 years ago, work got pretty stressful for me. I trade stocks from my home and we were in the midst of the financial crisis...One day, while working, my neck and head started hurting. It felt like a buildup of stress and tension in those areas. From day 1, I knew this pain was stress/tension related but for some reason I couldn't keep it under control. I would get bad headaches and it worried me. I would wake up with no pain whatsoever and my initial thought when I got out of bed was "maybe the pain won't be there today".... the more I thought about it, the more the pain started creeping into my head..... but the pain was funny. When I was working and concentrating hard, from 7am to 2pm, I had no time to think of the pain and it wasn't there.. But after I had a chance to "relax" and think, I was in full blown pain soon after. Another thing which was so weird but I realized after reading Dr Sarno's book was, the pain was way worse on the weekend or on vacation. Only now do I understand why that is.

As much as I knew the pain was stress, it just wouldn't go away. I got MRI of my neck and
It showed some type of cervical abnormality ... that led to 6 months of obsessing about the pain.. every day, obsessing......then one day, the middle of my back started killing me. What the hell?!? But my neck and head were fine... this is weird I thought.... for the next year, the pain was in my mid back, and I did every firm of conservative treatment to try to heal it. Many doctors told me I must've hurt it doing something... when I was 13 I was in a bad car accident. I never had pain from it but after I told each doctor about the accident they would say "yes, that's def what the pain is from. It takes 15-20 years sometimes to feel the pain"

I decided in 2010 that I wanted to move out of the cold in New York and to Florida . "The warm weather will do my back some good". This wasn't the only reason why we moved but was one of them . This move added a TON of stress in my life. There were so many things to do and I had to do it perfect. I had to research homes every nite online. I was putting so much pressure on myself to find the right area and the right house. I had to list one house and travel to Florida once every 2 weeks to look for another. Just a side
Note- I always put so much pressure on myself to Succeed. I'm really hard on myself and although I have compassion for others, I have none for myself. Im a drill sargent and I can get super obsessive about the "next big thing I have to do". I'm still really bad with this and I'm confidently hoping that this 6 week program will give me the tools to be kind and gentle to myself and make my pain go away

Moving to Florida was a huge step up for my wife and I. Bigger house, nicer area, everything was bigger and better. I'm 33 and way better off than I thought I'd be in life at this point....... except my back was killing me everyday... and I was obsessing over it. New doctor every week, new treatment every week.

To try to make a long story short, one day in 2011, I decided to buy a new mattress to help with my mid back pain. After 3 days on the new mattress, my LOWER BACK started killing me. This pain was different than the dull constant mid back pain I had. This was sharp and painful. I got an MRI immediately and I got the bad news. Herniated Disc L5 S1... Facet inflammation from L3 to S1..... oh, and guess what? No more mid back pain... at this point I feel like I am turning into a crazy person. How unlucky can I be? Did I just severely injury myself on a $3000 mattress? I wasn't even doing anything? Why does the pain move every 6-12 months? Why does it get worse the instant I think about it? We all know now that it's bc of TMS but back in 2011, I thought it was my herniated disc and abnormalities, although I knew stress and tension and my mind made it worse

So from 2011 til today, 1/1/17, I have battled lower back pain, hip pain, groin pain... I've tried everything under the moon.. I'm def not on lows with my back but it's still there everyday and it stops me from doing so much. I use to love golf but haven't played in 6 years. I'd love to play again but every doctor has advised me not to bc of my herniation.

Anyway, that's my story pretty much.. I whole heartedly believe I have TMS. I am ready to start this program. I really need to start thinking differently about myself too. I have alot of repressed sadness and rage and anger inside me and i NEVER show my emotions. I wish I could just cry but I haven't in20 years! I need to be better to myself emotionally. If anyone has any tips or suggestions before I start the program, please let me know. Thanks so much for listening!

Spin

 

Hi, Spin. Welcome to this community of people who, like me, recovered from back and other pain after learning about Dr. Sarno and TMS. You have been in a very stressful occupation and I believe those pressures led to your pains. You write that you tend to hold in your emotions, and the negative ones can cause pain. Doctors were wrong telling you that your pains are from an auto accident so many years ago. Your pains are from emotions you are repressing. The SEProgram will help you to discover them. Good luck as you progress in the new year to become totally pain free and happy.

 

Hi there Spin, and welcome to 2017 and a new life for you, I'm sure!

Before you do anything, else, I would suggest that you copy this post and put it into your Profile under My Story - you can go back later and see how far you've come - you can also add to it later, to let others know how far you've come. As I'm sure you will.

My only advice for doing the SEP has to do with the writing exercises. Many start out with making lists of things to consider and/or examine. When I was doing these, I heard my brain telling me to NOT write certain things down. Sometimes they were embarrassing or shameful, and there was my brain saying "Oh, don't write that down, it's not important". Hahahahaha - that was my brain still trying to cover stuff up even while I'm doing exercises designed to uncover that stuff! Somehow, I was able to see this for what it was, and I forced myself to list those things anyway.

The thing is, when I went back to examine them, they weren't earth-shattering - they didn't reveal hidden abuse or neglect or anything like that - but they did reveal childhood things events that made me feel shame, or guilt, or isolation. Which are the kinds of things that our brains start repressing early on, because our primitive brains think that we need to stay alert to danger, not dwell on negative emotions. So, these events turned out to be important in discovering my emotional weaknesses in childhood, which have evolved into the ways that my brain currently tries to repress emotions so that I don't feel shame and guilt and isolation all over again.

But, as Dr. Sarno tells us, being willing to acknowledge and experience those emotions is much healthier than letting our brains keep repressing them. Our primitive brains have not adapted to our modern world and our much longer life spans.

Good luck, and keep us posted! We're all in this together, believe me!

~Jan