So I'm supposed to take today off but I'm on Day 7 and it's been a couple weeks. I've taken my time and learned a lot and just trying to process it all. For several days I was too exhausted to do the program. Then it occurred to me that the TMS could be the culprit and I resumed. I've learned about being compassionate with myself. The TMS Recovery Program by Alan Gordon helped me recognize thoughts that I had towards myself that were not compassionate. Many were fearful which I was very surprised by - that was quite unconscious. So I have begin being nicer to myself and giving myself more grace and even soothing myself - it feels odd but I understand the concept. Perhaps I should journal about that later. I tried mindful meditating a couple times but both times I've fallen asleep over and over. Still not seeing the point of that but not giving up completely. I heard a Ted talk about stress and how it's the belief that stress is bad for your health that actually makes stress bad for your health - very interesting and I can see how it could apply here - the fear and worry about TMS makes it worse. Thus today's video about not caring, deactivating - not engaging the pain or giving it power. The pain was widespread and stronger yesterday and I felt a new symptom and I'm wondering if it's that whole, it may get worse before it leaves idea because I definitely think I'm getting a better handle on all of this. I feel much more peaceful and am taking time to acknowledge and feel my feelings. Although I feel anxious just admitting that. Another journal day perhaps. So grateful for all the support on this site.