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Day 9 TMS Traits

A

annarowens

Peer Supporter
In day 9, we are to look at if we have been overly critical of ourselves and how we have done so. I am textbook TMS. Not only am I overly critical with expectations that are beyond unrealistic, I also beat myself up for decisions I made yesterday, weeks ago, months ago, years ago. I realize these negative thought patterns have to stop. The "if only you had," or the "why didn't you just," or "now you'll never know because you" thoughts are nothing but destructive. They do not change anything, they only hurt me. As I go through this program, I am gaining more awareness about these thoughts and when they occur. I am learning to no longer dwell on them. I also make up stories about how certain situations would have turned out if I had made a different decision. The truth is that I have no way of knowing how any of those situations would have turned out and I am a pretty intuitive person so if I made a decision that threw something off track, it probably needed to end anyway! I can't punish myself anymore for the things I did or didn't do and situations I truly know nothing about. Each time I realize I am doing this, I replace this thought with a positive affirmation, whether it be giving my situation back to my Creator or remembering to trust myself and give myself grace that I made the best decision I could in that moment, given the information I had at the age I was. This is the truth and this is what I have to keep in the forefront of my mind so I do not continue to punish myself for things I have no control over at this point. I also believe things have a way of working out like they are supposed to, even though these thoughts appear otherwise. This is another innate belief that I need to place more weight on at this time. I am slowly learning to stop expecting myself to be a mind reader and future-teller and instead enjoy each day knowing I am a competent, intelligent young woman.
 
Hi again, annarowens. I think you have a very good handle on why you have TMS. It could well be largely because you have that "If only I had done this..." The secret is living in the present, not the past or future. You know this, and we both know it isn't easy, but its so important for healing. Yesterday is past and tomorrow is an unknown, so be happy in today. Our Creator says not to be anxious about tomorrow, that today's anxieties are sufficient.

And if we focus on being positive, today can be wonderful. What is past is what our Creator intended to happen. We were in His hands. We are in His hands today and always.

Have you been reading my thread in the General Discussion subforum on famous people remembering their favorite Christmas. Some really inspirational stories. You'll have to scroll down to find that web entry. Happy pre-Christmas.
 
Yes, its a combination of multiple things for me as it is with most people. The stressors, past and present, plus the way I handle them. Also the way I handle the future. It is difficult for me to have the tunnel vision of just being present in today, but truly that is the only way to go because the other way just presents me with issues I can't do anything about anyway so why let them cloud this moment! It is definitely a more healthy perspective and even the feeling of it being "tunnel vision" eventually becomes as if it is expanded vision because you can see everything happening THIS moment, the moment you are in, versus missing some beautiful things because you are preoccupied with the old stuff and the stuff yet to come. For me, I think the main mantra is "give yourself some grace, live in this moment, and put it all in God's hands because He will work it out to be the best outcome for me!"
 
Hi again, annarowens. I'm glad you mentioned putting it all in God's hands. I knew a priest who said he had problems with his superiors and finally found peace by tossing the ball to God and letting Him handle it. I do believe He will work it out and it will be the best outcome for you. He loves you and wants you to be happy and well. Trust in Him and that He led you to TMS to heal your pains. Live in the moment by allowing the Holy Spirit within you to cover you with its healing light. Nothing bad or hurtful can penetrate that covering light.
 
So true. I take it back and then I give it back all day! I think I'm getting better at letting Him keep it though! And I have had a personal relationship since I was a little girl so I understand about the light and the armor! I'm sure everyone on here has their own way of handling what we have gone or are going through, but my faith definitely is helping me with acceptance.
 
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