In day 9, we are to look at if we have been overly critical of ourselves and how we have done so. I am textbook TMS. Not only am I overly critical with expectations that are beyond unrealistic, I also beat myself up for decisions I made yesterday, weeks ago, months ago, years ago. I realize these negative thought patterns have to stop. The "if only you had," or the "why didn't you just," or "now you'll never know because you" thoughts are nothing but destructive. They do not change anything, they only hurt me. As I go through this program, I am gaining more awareness about these thoughts and when they occur. I am learning to no longer dwell on them. I also make up stories about how certain situations would have turned out if I had made a different decision. The truth is that I have no way of knowing how any of those situations would have turned out and I am a pretty intuitive person so if I made a decision that threw something off track, it probably needed to end anyway! I can't punish myself anymore for the things I did or didn't do and situations I truly know nothing about. Each time I realize I am doing this, I replace this thought with a positive affirmation, whether it be giving my situation back to my Creator or remembering to trust myself and give myself grace that I made the best decision I could in that moment, given the information I had at the age I was. This is the truth and this is what I have to keep in the forefront of my mind so I do not continue to punish myself for things I have no control over at this point. I also believe things have a way of working out like they are supposed to, even though these thoughts appear otherwise. This is another innate belief that I need to place more weight on at this time. I am slowly learning to stop expecting myself to be a mind reader and future-teller and instead enjoy each day knowing I am a competent, intelligent young woman.