Day 8

I've had various TMS type symptoms over the years - cystitis, frozen shoulder, headaches, bad back for brief periods, but this past August came the whammy, eventually diagnosed after MRI as prolapsed disc causing back pain and sciatica. It's got worse in the succeeding months. But my first week of the program has been good. I've gone from strong painkillers ever 4 hours, to pain relief as and when. I've walked a lot, and worked hard on my journal. I quickly recognised how much anger I'm storing - me who comes across as the least angry person you could meet. And I realise how much I've pushed it down with inner talk about my happy childhood, fortunate, talent blessed, married, lovely grown up children, grandchildren, satisfying work etc. when the world is full of trouble, cruelty and misery. What right had I to be angry of all things?! But now I recognise that this inner angry person or child needs to be heard, and has things to tell me. In my work I am confident, relaxed, joyful, competent, while at home in my relationship I am apologetic, inwardly critical, outwardly compliant and completely lacking in confidence.

 

Hi Judy66,

I enjoy reading your post. You are seeing so much. I sometimes tell people TMS is caused by the difference between what we feel and what we think we're supposed to feel. We all use the "happy talk" to encourage ourselves, "improve" relationships, keep things "good." But you are seeing the falseness, the shallowness of this. And getting some good results, it seems.

I notice it is also common to diminish our own feelings of disappointment, anger and sorrow by comparing ourselves to others who are in a worse way. This is avoidance, plain and simple, a non-attunement to our own experience.

Andy B.

 

Hi, Judy. You are making excellent progress in the SEprogram but I suggest you lighten up on yourself and don't pay attention to your "Inner Bully." You might make a list of the good things you have done for others. It is probably longer than you think and will build your self-esteem. I think there are some good videos on Youtube about self-esteem.