Day 7: Pressure and Criticism

[anainesballes]

Hi,
I’ve trying to figure out the following: “In order to overcome your symptoms you need to teach your brain that psychological stressors (in my case anger) are not dangerous.” You should ‘feel the anger’ and not fear it.

On the other hand I should also practice self-love, self-compassion... Do not criticize myself as criticism can activate the brains’ danger signal. I should confront the inner-bully. Stand for myself.

However, I have found that I’m angry at myself... So... I’m confused. Should I feel the angry at me (feel the feeling)? Or should I practice self love and not criticize me and repress this anger?

Thank you in advance for your comments.
Alan? Any insights?

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi anainesballes,

You should be angry at the Inner Bully, not you.

Problem is we're all angry at ourselves. We're full of self-rejection and self-hate. This is the natural human condition at the egoic level. When we're young, we feel the natural anger at our caretakers (for instance when we're suffering or our needs aren't being met for whatever reason), but this is typically not safe. We want to stay in the field of their love. So we turn it on ourselves. We know something is not right, maybe it is us?

The good news is that you're aware of it. Simply being aware of the self-anger gives you direct evidence of how inner tension (TMS) is generated in you. Every time you notice the anger at yourself, this is an opportunity to "think psychologically." You're able to see an important element which is activating fear and hence symptoms. Just knowing why you have symptoms is a big start on the way to reducing them.

Anger is natural, and it is powerful. It has to go somewhere, so it goes to the outside ---toward others, or to the inside --toward ourselves. This can't be helped. It is part of our natural life force, our aliveness, needed to sort out what we need and what serves us and what we need to reject in life.

Skillful means of working with anger directed at ourselves is to direct anger or "life force" or discernment to free this old relationship of self-anger. So Alan's method, and similarly mine is to be angry at the inner attacker. Stand up for yourself with righteous anger. Express anger toward those, both inside yourself and outside yourself who cause you to suffer. This is done through journaling, yelling etc. Yelling at someone else might be "acting out" if it is abusive. Or it might not be. It might be what is called for in the moment.
Yelling at the Inner Bully is not acting out. You're not hurting anyone.

The key is to free up your natural life force so that it is not squashing you, since it will always either go out or in.

Hope this helps!

Andy