Day 6

Great morning as far as pain goes...a little bit but was tolerable. Still swimming vigorously every morning and pushing myself to do something new every day. Yesterday was chin ups on the swimming pool ladder. No Pain. Then today I climbed up the ladder and pulled myself out of the pool. No Pain! Today, emotionally has been a tough day. It would have been my sisters 60th Birthday but she passed away 2 years ago. I have done a lot of crying today.... Im still grieving terribly at times. Soooo....now my old familiar nerve pain all across my lower back and legs has returned as well as severe muscle pain over my entire upper back. Even my lower back has been aching and pinching when I get up and move or walk or get in & out of the car again. Just like it did before. That has pretty much all been gone for at least 2 weeks. It must be because of my emotions...right? Today's assignment is to write about any doubt I have remaining. Its still there. At times. In the background. As soon as the old pain returns the brain has a very tricky way of going back to old habits "what if I did reinjure my disk? I think I might have aggravated it a little and now its inflamed. I might have overdone it. Did I push too much too soon?" Emotionally not feeling as strong today...Im exhausted from all this grieving I feel like giving in to the pain and crying. But that creates more pain. Blah! Think I'll take a HOT shower that always makes me feel better. Maybe even have a nap. Sure feel like a need a good massage right now though....the aching in my muscles is unbearable. Its tough to convince myself Im not in pain when every fiber of your body is screaming in pain. That parts confusing to me....I've read to tell myself Im not in pain but I've also read to accept the pain and try to ignore it or just tell myself its not my back its my TMS it cant hurt me. All three of those approaches are very challenging when the pain is this intense. Tomorrow will be a better day Im sure of it!

 

Hi, Dusty. You're bound to have felt pain after remembering your sister.
But it's great to read about your swimming.

You will have to work more on believing your symptoms are 100 percent from TMS and
not structural. That's often a very hard thing for us to do. It was for me. I kept thinking
my back pain was partly from aging, since I'm 84. When I believed totally in TMS the pain left me.

And you have the right antidote for pain... accept it and then ignore it. Focusing the mind on
something pleasant can help drive out thoughts of pain.

When I need distraction from anxiety or worry, I often go to Youtube and type in anything that comes to mind,
even recipes. I forget I'm worried about anything.

I learn a lot from Youtube. This morning I learned that Vicks VaporRub is good for headaches, even migranes.
Rub a little with a finger onto the temples or forehead. I had a bit of a headache this morning and did that
and my headache all but disappeared. I did it while deep breathing. A great combination. I think it could be great
for any TMS symptom. It puts the focus on self-massaging the temples and forehead.

 

Thank you Walt. Im finding this journey exhausting for some reason. I started off really well and had reduction in pain immediately and I was so positive and full of energy. Since this "flare up" or "setback" I just feel so tired and dizzy and no energy. I don't even feel like journaling. Im staring at my page of past & current stressors/trauma and none of them is evoking any sort of emotion at all. I don't feel stressed/upset/angry/sad. Actually I do feel some anger and irritation and sadness but that's all because some of my pain has come back. Its soooo frustrating! Now my leg and foot have nerve pain after sitting again and my lower back is bothering me again. From what I've been reading I think this is to be expected until Im 100% believing. I think I will go ahead with my Skype diagnosis. Although Maybe I will still have doubt after that because I wasn't physically accessed by a TMS doctor. I wish there was someone close that I could see. This would definitely solidify it in my mind. When the pain went away it was so much easier to believe. Now I feel like Im back at square one and cant really remember how good I was feeling a few days ago. This forum is really helpful though because as Im writing this to you I do keep thinking of all the positives in my journey so far. Since discovering TMS and starting the program I am MUCH more mobile than before and not nearly as fearful in some situations. I guess I just have to take a deep breath, go easy on myself and don't rush it. It sure is disheartening when you backslide though. Difficult to dig yourself out of that pit of negativity. Geesh! What a rollercoaster. I was on top of the world last week so I hope to climb that mountain again soon! Thank you for your support (and everyone else). Its great to be able to ramble and get it all out! As neurotic as I sound re-reading this post. Always have been a worry wart. HA! So glad you were able to get rid of your pain!

 

Hi dusty67,
I hope you focus on these two quotes.

Right here you are noticing symptom relief, and then return, connecting this return to emotional stuff:

Here you have exceptions to a long-standing pain pattern:

These two pieces are huge. The doubting, gloomy, fearful, and in-pain personality will discount these break-throughs and understandings. I understand that too. Keep bringing your attention back to these quotes! Hang in there. You are making progress!

Andy B.

 

Hi AndyB Thanks for pointing those out to me. I will keep coming back to them. In fact I've made note of them in my "evidence" list. Every day I feel good I really feel like Im making progress. This whole journey feels a bit Manic at times or rather Bi-Polar LOL The ups & downs and twists & turns. Sure beats being down all the time though....Im not going back to that place again....at least not by choice!