Great morning as far as pain goes...a little bit but was tolerable. Still swimming vigorously every morning and pushing myself to do something new every day. Yesterday was chin ups on the swimming pool ladder. No Pain. Then today I climbed up the ladder and pulled myself out of the pool. No Pain! Today, emotionally has been a tough day. It would have been my sisters 60th Birthday but she passed away 2 years ago. I have done a lot of crying today.... Im still grieving terribly at times. Soooo....now my old familiar nerve pain all across my lower back and legs has returned as well as severe muscle pain over my entire upper back. Even my lower back has been aching and pinching when I get up and move or walk or get in & out of the car again. Just like it did before. That has pretty much all been gone for at least 2 weeks. It must be because of my emotions...right? Today's assignment is to write about any doubt I have remaining. Its still there. At times. In the background. As soon as the old pain returns the brain has a very tricky way of going back to old habits "what if I did reinjure my disk? I think I might have aggravated it a little and now its inflamed. I might have overdone it. Did I push too much too soon?" Emotionally not feeling as strong today...Im exhausted from all this grieving I feel like giving in to the pain and crying. But that creates more pain. Blah! Think I'll take a HOT shower that always makes me feel better. Maybe even have a nap. Sure feel like a need a good massage right now though....the aching in my muscles is unbearable. Its tough to convince myself Im not in pain when every fiber of your body is screaming in pain. That parts confusing to me....I've read to tell myself Im not in pain but I've also read to accept the pain and try to ignore it or just tell myself its not my back its my TMS it cant hurt me. All three of those approaches are very challenging when the pain is this intense. Tomorrow will be a better day Im sure of it!