New Program Day 4: Breaking the Pain Cycle

[chemgirl]

@ Lily Rose - Thank you very much for your post! I also spent some years with my IBS - additional to my back pain and neck pain. I also am vegetarian and tried a lot of different food. Sometimes it helped a bit to eat very light meals (boiled vegetables, sorghum, rice, bananas. ....) - and these little achievements made me fear other food.
So right now I am (almost) convinced my IBS is TMS. The symptoms sometimes are more painful, sometimes less. I see the relation to fears and stressful situations in my live

The book, “Painfree for Life” by Dr. Scott Brady heavily emphasizes his TMS (he calls it AOS, autonomic overload syndrome) journey through both back pain and IBS. I *know* my IBS and sometimes-accompanying hemerroid/fissure issues are TMS. But they tend to be a little tougher to fade away than my tennis elbow, IC, rosacea, throat pain, etc. did.

 

[Elana]

Alan Gordan, you are absolutely amazing. Each day of this pain recovery program is so on target and so easy to read and easy to relate to. This is comforting. . .

 

[Freedom]

Whats confusing is:

If you have a bad muscle spasm, it would not make sense to do free movement physical activity, as it could aggravate it.

Then it may be difficult or not possible to do something you need to (aka go to work). Then this could have a negative impact, what if you eventually lose your job?

So its difficult to just say "dont fear it" when it could have a real consequence. But then how do you get out of the cycle??

 

[jen s]

Day 4: Breaking the Pain Cycle

My two-year-old niece is incredibly rambunctious. The day she learned how to walk, she learned how to run, and ever since then, she runs everywhere. She is the Forest Gump of toddlers.

But because her ambition exceeds her level of coordination, she falls often. And there’s a moment just after she falls, when she looks at you and waits to see how you react, before determining how she feels.

If you run over to her, concerned, worried, frantically asking if she’s okay, she’ll start crying...convinced that she must have taken quite a spill. If instead, you calmly say, “Hey, it looks like you took a little stumble,” she’s back up and running before you even finish your sentence.

The way you react will either reinforce a sense of danger or a sense of safety.

The Fear Behind the Pain

Pain is a danger signal. And in the case of neural pathway pain, the way we react determines whether this signal stays on or switches off. When we react to pain with fear, it reinforces a sense of danger, and the pain persists.

Fear is the fuel for the pain.

​

If you overcome your fear, it deactivates your danger signals and the pain stops. So in truth, this is not a pain problem you have, it’s a fear problem. The pain is just the consequence.

Of course, overcoming the fear of your pain is easier said than done. It's hard not to be afraid of something that is so inherently scary. But that’s the goal, and it’s one of the things we’re going to be working toward for the next few weeks.

A couple months ago, Howard Schubiner and I did a training in Michigan. We wanted to do a live demonstration with someone to show the relationship between pain and fear. A nurse practitioner named Felicia volunteered. Felicia had had chronic neck pain for 20 years, and for 20 years she’d interpreted that pain as dangerous. Over the course of several minutes, Felicia was able to eliminate her fear around the pain, and the pain went away.

Here’s a video of the live demo:

Assuming you have neural pathway pain, if you overcome you fear, the pain will disappear. It may not happen immediately, but it will eventually fade, as you've cut off its fuel source.

The Subtle Forms of Fear

What if you're not actually scared of your pain...what if it's more frustration or despair?

These feelings seem like they’re different than fear, but they’re actually under the same umbrella. Fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger, and it gives us the desire to escape. Frustration and despair lead to a desire to escape from our current situation...

Subtle as they may be – frustration and despair are forms of fear, and can keep our danger signals activated.

So when we talk about overcoming fear, we're including frustration, despair, anguish, irritation, annoyance, vexation, and anything else that communicates the message, "This is a bad thing that I want get away from."

Outcome Independence

In the earlier clip, Felicia was able to eliminate her fear around the pain by being outcome independent. Outcome independence means your definition of success isn't tied to a specific result.

I came upon outcome independence by accident. In 2004, I had chronic back pain, and I would take long walks every night.

I would constantly monitor my symptoms: How soon would the pain start? How quickly would it intensify? How bad was it when I got home?

If I had a “good” walk, I’d feel confident, hopeful, and good about myself. If I had a “bad” walk, I’d feel scared, frustrated, and despairing. This went on for two years.

Finally one day, I’d had enough. I was sick and tired of my mood, my outlook on life, and my feelings about the future being so dependent on the pain.

And I was done.

I changed my definition of success. A “good” walk was no longer one with less pain, it was one where I felt okay regardless of the pain. I took pride in my growing ability to determine my own mood. I celebrated the accomplishment of feeling good about myself even when the pain was bad. I broke free from the prison of fear.

And much to my surprise, within a couple months, my walks were pain-free. Without even knowing what I was doing, I eliminated the pain’s fuel source: fear.

Outcome independence is not something that comes easily. It’s hard to change deeply ingrained habits, and you’ll falter often. But with practice and discipline, with exposure and repetition, you can get there.

And it all starts with a single decision: I’m done being afraid.

​

This was powerful. I watched this thinking I could NEVER turn my head like that. The pain would be unbearable! Which made me feel desperate that I will never be able to heal.

I struggle with outcome independence. I simply can’t be ok with pain. I can’t not judge pain as bad. It is bad and it has ruined my life. How do I find peace with it? If only I could do this I feel like I could heal, but can’t. And I don’t know if my pain is different from others. If I would turn my head like this video it wouldn’t just hurt in the moment...it would hurt for hours, days or more. So the fear is justified in my mind. I don’t want to be in this pain.

 

[MWsunin12]

This was powerful. I watched this thinking I could NEVER turn my head like that. The pain would be unbearable! Which made me feel desperate that I will never be able to heal.

I struggle with outcome independence. I simply can’t be ok with pain. I can’t not judge pain as bad. It is bad and it has ruined my life. How do I find peace with it? If only I could do this I feel like I could heal, but can’t. And I don’t know if my pain is different from others. If I would turn my head like this video it wouldn’t just hurt in the moment...it would hurt for hours, days or more. So the fear is justified in my mind. I don’t want to be in this pain.

Jen,

Start with your internal language. This is often the turning point for me. If you find yourself saying things like "If I turn my head, I'll have pain for days..." cut yourself off. Say out loud, "Every day and in Every Way, I am getting better."
You want to have your subconscious start to get a new thought instead of supplying you with the pain you are focused on.
It's not easy, especially if you have depression or anxiety about how the pain has affected your life.

Just start with the change of thought. See what happens next.

 

[eden77]

I am kind of a heretic. I watched the video and it didn't convince me. Sorry! it looked extremely simplistic to me and also please excuse me less painful than let's say groin, hip, knee, thigh, leg, back , extreme difficulty and pain walking, extreme pain turning in bed, inability to put socks and shoes on and much much more+ IBS issues. I know one can't measure pain. But that's how I feel about this video.
I certainly hope I am wrong and that by following the protocol , which I really appreciate , I'll be able to shed some of the excruciating pain I have been experiencing for the last 7+months.
I have read the Sarno books, meditate a lot, just started writing as suggested in the protocol. Alas, until now I have not made any progress.
E

 

[jen s]

I'm struggling with outcome independence. How can you be indifferent to pain? This is the hardest part for me and I think probably what I need to start healing. I just can't stop dreading and wishing away the pain. My example is if someone kicked you in the shin -- I would always choose to not be kicked -- would never be indifferent to being kicked. I don't know how to just be curious and non-judgmental. It seems obvious to me -- pain=bad and no pain = good. Can't get myself beyond this. And my "fear" is not that my pain is structural degeneration, but rather detesting the pain and wanting it gone.

 

[Looking for space]

Day 4: Breaking the Pain Cycle

My two-year-old niece is incredibly rambunctious. The day she learned how to walk, she learned how to run, and ever since then, she runs everywhere. She is the Forest Gump of toddlers.

But because her ambition exceeds her level of coordination, she falls often. And there’s a moment just after she falls, when she looks at you and waits to see how you react, before determining how she feels.

If you run over to her, concerned, worried, frantically asking if she’s okay, she’ll start crying...convinced that she must have taken quite a spill. If instead, you calmly say, “Hey, it looks like you took a little stumble,” she’s back up and running before you even finish your sentence.

The way you react will either reinforce a sense of danger or a sense of safety.

The Fear Behind the Pain

Pain is a danger signal. And in the case of neural pathway pain, the way we react determines whether this signal stays on or switches off. When we react to pain with fear, it reinforces a sense of danger, and the pain persists.

Fear is the fuel for the pain.

​

If you overcome your fear, it deactivates your danger signals and the pain stops. So in truth, this is not a pain problem you have, it’s a fear problem. The pain is just the consequence.

Of course, overcoming the fear of your pain is easier said than done. It's hard not to be afraid of something that is so inherently scary. But that’s the goal, and it’s one of the things we’re going to be working toward for the next few weeks.

A couple months ago, Howard Schubiner and I did a training in Michigan. We wanted to do a live demonstration with someone to show the relationship between pain and fear. A nurse practitioner named Felicia volunteered. Felicia had had chronic neck pain for 20 years, and for 20 years she’d interpreted that pain as dangerous. Over the course of several minutes, Felicia was able to eliminate her fear around the pain, and the pain went away.

Here’s a video of the live demo:

Assuming you have neural pathway pain, if you overcome you fear, the pain will disappear. It may not happen immediately, but it will eventually fade, as you've cut off its fuel source.

The Subtle Forms of Fear

What if you're not actually scared of your pain...what if it's more frustration or despair?

These feelings seem like they’re different than fear, but they’re actually under the same umbrella. Fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger, and it gives us the desire to escape. Frustration and despair lead to a desire to escape from our current situation...

Subtle as they may be – frustration and despair are forms of fear, and can keep our danger signals activated.

So when we talk about overcoming fear, we're including frustration, despair, anguish, irritation, annoyance, vexation, and anything else that communicates the message, "This is a bad thing that I want get away from."

Outcome Independence

In the earlier clip, Felicia was able to eliminate her fear around the pain by being outcome independent. Outcome independence means your definition of success isn't tied to a specific result.

I came upon outcome independence by accident. In 2004, I had chronic back pain, and I would take long walks every night.

I would constantly monitor my symptoms: How soon would the pain start? How quickly would it intensify? How bad was it when I got home?

If I had a “good” walk, I’d feel confident, hopeful, and good about myself. If I had a “bad” walk, I’d feel scared, frustrated, and despairing. This went on for two years.

Finally one day, I’d had enough. I was sick and tired of my mood, my outlook on life, and my feelings about the future being so dependent on the pain.

And I was done.

I changed my definition of success. A “good” walk was no longer one with less pain, it was one where I felt okay regardless of the pain. I took pride in my growing ability to determine my own mood. I celebrated the accomplishment of feeling good about myself even when the pain was bad. I broke free from the prison of fear.

And much to my surprise, within a couple months, my walks were pain-free. Without even knowing what I was doing, I eliminated the pain’s fuel source: fear.

Outcome independence is not something that comes easily. It’s hard to change deeply ingrained habits, and you’ll falter often. But with practice and discipline, with exposure and repetition, you can get there.

And it all starts with a single decision: I’m done being afraid.

​

I enjoyed this one very much!. And at 1st the skeptic in me was saying"oh girl they paid you well to cry like that"! Of course, I realized that even though it was edited lol! This was all real. I learned something new, and that was.....i wasn't afraid of my pain i was sick of it, mad at it, it's made its home with me for 20 years! im enjoying this program.I admit I thought the video was a bit too neat, but, Alan could have applied that technique to anyone's pain, to teach. And that's what he does.... teaches! I think it was a huge relief that she realized she did not have to be afraid anymore.
Aaron.

 

[SDTinaS]

Day 4: Breaking the Pain Cycle

My two-year-old niece is incredibly rambunctious. The day she learned how to walk, she learned how to run, and ever since then, she runs everywhere. She is the Forest Gump of toddlers.

But because her ambition exceeds her level of coordination, she falls often. And there’s a moment just after she falls, when she looks at you and waits to see how you react, before determining how she feels.

If you run over to her, concerned, worried, frantically asking if she’s okay, she’ll start crying...convinced that she must have taken quite a spill. If instead, you calmly say, “Hey, it looks like you took a little stumble,” she’s back up and running before you even finish your sentence.

The way you react will either reinforce a sense of danger or a sense of safety.

The Fear Behind the Pain

Pain is a danger signal. And in the case of neural pathway pain, the way we react determines whether this signal stays on or switches off. When we react to pain with fear, it reinforces a sense of danger, and the pain persists.

Fear is the fuel for the pain.

​

If you overcome your fear, it deactivates your danger signals and the pain stops. So in truth, this is not a pain problem you have, it’s a fear problem. The pain is just the consequence.

Of course, overcoming the fear of your pain is easier said than done. It's hard not to be afraid of something that is so inherently scary. But that’s the goal, and it’s one of the things we’re going to be working toward for the next few weeks.

A couple months ago, Howard Schubiner and I did a training in Michigan. We wanted to do a live demonstration with someone to show the relationship between pain and fear. A nurse practitioner named Felicia volunteered. Felicia had had chronic neck pain for 20 years, and for 20 years she’d interpreted that pain as dangerous. Over the course of several minutes, Felicia was able to eliminate her fear around the pain, and the pain went away.

Here’s a video of the live demo:

Assuming you have neural pathway pain, if you overcome you fear, the pain will disappear. It may not happen immediately, but it will eventually fade, as you've cut off its fuel source.

The Subtle Forms of Fear

What if you're not actually scared of your pain...what if it's more frustration or despair?

These feelings seem like they’re different than fear, but they’re actually under the same umbrella. Fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger, and it gives us the desire to escape. Frustration and despair lead to a desire to escape from our current situation...

Subtle as they may be – frustration and despair are forms of fear, and can keep our danger signals activated.

So when we talk about overcoming fear, we're including frustration, despair, anguish, irritation, annoyance, vexation, and anything else that communicates the message, "This is a bad thing that I want get away from."

Outcome Independence

In the earlier clip, Felicia was able to eliminate her fear around the pain by being outcome independent. Outcome independence means your definition of success isn't tied to a specific result.

I came upon outcome independence by accident. In 2004, I had chronic back pain, and I would take long walks every night.

I would constantly monitor my symptoms: How soon would the pain start? How quickly would it intensify? How bad was it when I got home?

If I had a “good” walk, I’d feel confident, hopeful, and good about myself. If I had a “bad” walk, I’d feel scared, frustrated, and despairing. This went on for two years.

Finally one day, I’d had enough. I was sick and tired of my mood, my outlook on life, and my feelings about the future being so dependent on the pain.

And I was done.

I changed my definition of success. A “good” walk was no longer one with less pain, it was one where I felt okay regardless of the pain. I took pride in my growing ability to determine my own mood. I celebrated the accomplishment of feeling good about myself even when the pain was bad. I broke free from the prison of fear.

And much to my surprise, within a couple months, my walks were pain-free. Without even knowing what I was doing, I eliminated the pain’s fuel source: fear.

Outcome independence is not something that comes easily. It’s hard to change deeply ingrained habits, and you’ll falter often. But with practice and discipline, with exposure and repetition, you can get there.

And it all starts with a single decision: I’m done being afraid.

​

Last year after I injured my knee running (I had torn my meniscus), I would walk and never knew when pain would come. If I stepped wrong or tried to walk downstairs. It put me into such place of fear that I began to do things to avoid the pain. I stopped walking and certainly running. I started cycling and developed odd sensations in my calves. A doctor put me on Lyrica and I began to see a chiropractor. He seriously hurt me. I've never felt pain like that. It coincided with my stopping Lyrica cold turkey. Something happened during that week in my perception of pain. I can't explain it but I began to experience tremors at night in my left leg that would wake me at night.

I experienced a 9 months of hell trying to figure out what was going on with my body. I am an experience marathoner and have been athletic all my life. To not have control over what was going on terrified me. I live in Japan and also felt helpless in the treatment I thought I needed but couldn't get. Everything I did to make myself feel better made things worse. Diagnosis after diagnosis of impending, what I interpreted, as the degeneration of my once strong body made me more and more angry and fearful. There was a moment when I contemplated ending my life because I was terribly sleep deprived from my tremoring leg and pain.

It's been more than a year since my injury and one month since I discovered the work of Dr. Sarno and TMS. I firmly believe that I caused a lot of my extended suffering. Though I do believe I experienced a serious injury when I hyperextended my knee, my fear of pain and fear of reinsuring myself after knee surgery were prolonging my suffering.

Though I still have some mild tremoring/buzzing/sciatica sensations, I'm able to get a relatively good night sleep now, which helps my depression. I am now able to sit in my husbands car and on our couch without additional cushioning pain free. The pain that was moving to various parts of my body has become milder and no longer causes fear because I know that it is not dangerous and that it's my subconscious trying to trick me and take away the happiness that is coming back into my life.

In addition to reading, journaling and participating in this forum, I have been meditating every day. I am now running every other day and taking long walks with my husband. The mediation and breathing helps me with the self-talk and dialogue I have with myself. It's calming. My pain is not gone completely. My fear isn't gone completely. But I have hope and the tools to get better. I've had some deeply traumatic events in my life (sexual assault in the military/sexual abuse as a child/alcoholic father and mother). I've also been a long term member of a 12 Step which helps me with the spiritual part of my life.

I'm so very grateful for finding Dr. Sarno's work online. It was during a search I was doing on spinal injections and nerve blocks I was considering. Each day I see little improvements. I have hope and happiness where before it was darkness and despair.

 

[Kozas]

I'm struggling with outcome independence. How can you be indifferent to pain? This is the hardest part for me and I think probably what I need to start healing. I just can't stop dreading and wishing away the pain. My example is if someone kicked you in the shin -- I would always choose to not be kicked -- would never be indifferent to being kicked. I don't know how to just be curious and non-judgmental. It seems obvious to me -- pain=bad and no pain = good. Can't get myself beyond this. And my "fear" is not that my pain is structural degeneration, but rather detesting the pain and wanting it gone.

Well, did wishing your pain away ever helped? If yes, then super, do it every time you feel pain!
If not then... well "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result". If it's not working then it's not. For the 7 years 2011-2018 I was trying to wish my pain away, in between mourning my old self, things I did that could contribute to my pain, and how I was painfree before that and how I will never be like that. Quess what? IT DIDN'T WORK.
It's hard to be indifferent to pain. For me maybe impossible. But please, understand that every time you think about pain those neurons get reinforced. So, you have to fill your mind with different things. When thougts like 'oh my god this pain is killing me' will arrive don't act on them, don't analyze them. Instead think how great of a singer David Bowie was, or even sing his song. Crazy? I don't know this helps me change what happens in my mind(of course instead of Bowie this can be whoever you want). Or take a sip of coffee and think how great it tastes.
I still have exact same pain I had, but my life is so much better and fuller. And this is something I now at least tolerate. Maybe you can't wish your pain, and your options are
a) live bad life with pain
b) live good life with pain
At least in the meantime. I fully believe that my pain will go away in time but oh my I had almost 30 years of stress building in me, and 7 years of reinforcing pain neurons. I don't expect a miracle.
It's the same with being kick in the shin. If you cry and think how it hurts and say 'please please stop' pain will still kick you in the shin, because you are in victim state of mind. But if you stand proud, he will maybe stop kick you. And if not, then at least you stood your ground.
Is it nice, good or fair? No, no, and no. Some people have great life and not many troubles in their life. Majority of people though struggle to have food, shelter or anyone to support them. Even in pain if we are living in first world country(well second world in my case) we are in so much better position that so many other people. But we don't see them. You look around and you see people that seems that have so good life(especially if you use facebook) and compare yourself to them, or your old yourself to your new yourself. That will also cause you to suffer.
Even if you can't stop pain, learn to stop the suffering. It's possible. I know it's very hard thing to do. I still struggle, but one year ago I was on verge of suicide and now I enjoy my life, even if with constant pain and limitations.

 

[Un0wut2du]

Last year after I injured my knee running (I had torn my meniscus), I would walk and never knew when pain would come. If I stepped wrong or tried to walk downstairs. It put me into such place of fear that I began to do things to avoid the pain. I stopped walking and certainly running. I started cycling and developed odd sensations in my calves. A doctor put me on Lyrica and I began to see a chiropractor. He seriously hurt me. I've never felt pain like that. It coincided with my stopping Lyrica cold turkey. Something happened during that week in my perception of pain. I can't explain it but I began to experience tremors at night in my left leg that would wake me at night.

I experienced a 9 months of hell trying to figure out what was going on with my body. I am an experience marathoner and have been athletic all my life. To not have control over what was going on terrified me. I live in Japan and also felt helpless in the treatment I thought I needed but couldn't get. Everything I did to make myself feel better made things worse. Diagnosis after diagnosis of impending, what I interpreted, as the degeneration of my once strong body made me more and more angry and fearful. There was a moment when I contemplated ending my life because I was terribly sleep deprived from my tremoring leg and pain.

It's been more than a year since my injury and one month since I discovered the work of Dr. Sarno and TMS. I firmly believe that I caused a lot of my extended suffering. Though I do believe I experienced a serious injury when I hyperextended my knee, my fear of pain and fear of reinsuring myself after knee surgery were prolonging my suffering.

Though I still have some mild tremoring/buzzing/sciatica sensations, I'm able to get a relatively good night sleep now, which helps my depression. I am now able to sit in my husbands car and on our couch without additional cushioning pain free. The pain that was moving to various parts of my body has become milder and no longer causes fear because I know that it is not dangerous and that it's my subconscious trying to trick me and take away the happiness that is coming back into my life.

In addition to reading, journaling and participating in this forum, I have been meditating every day. I am now running every other day and taking long walks with my husband. The mediation and breathing helps me with the self-talk and dialogue I have with myself. It's calming. My pain is not gone completely. My fear isn't gone completely. But I have hope and the tools to get better. I've had some deeply traumatic events in my life (sexual assault in the military/sexual abuse as a child/alcoholic father and mother). I've also been a long term member of a 12 Step which helps me with the spiritual part of my life.

I'm so very grateful for finding Dr. Sarno's work online. It was during a search I was doing on spinal injections and nerve blocks I was considering. Each day I see little improvements. I have hope and happiness where before it was darkness and despair.

Hi, I am a friend of Bill’s. TMS and addiction/alcoholism serve the same purpose. As you read more, investigate more, any 12 stepper will see this. I too had a meniscus tear “cleaned up.” The pain got worse. I’m pretty sure it’s because I began to accept the TMS diagnosis and was convinced I had let them damage me. That passed and I run all of the time. I still battle things here and there but I know how to rid myself of it. It works if we work for it. But you know that....

 

[SDTinaS]

Hi, I am a friend of Bill’s. TMS and addiction/alcoholism serve the same purpose. As you read more, investigate more, any 12 stepper will see this. I too had a meniscus tear “cleaned up.” The pain got worse. I’m pretty sure it’s because I began to accept the TMS diagnosis and was convinced I had let them damage me. That passed and I run all of the time. I still battle things here and there but I know how to rid myself of it. It works if we work for it. But you know that....

Thank you so much for your reply @Un0wut2du. It means a lot and gives me hope. It’s been 5 months since my knee surgery and thanks to discovering TMS I’m running again. It brings me such joy, but I’m amazed out my subconscious can try and slip in and make me think something is still wrong. Really the only thing wrong now is atrophy/weakness from lack of use. Thanks again!

 

[rlong98]

Great write up. Very motivating.
My walks are just that - labeled and good/bad. I’m gonna try this

 

[Tilli]

Day 4: Breaking the Pain Cycle

My two-year-old niece is incredibly rambunctious. The day she learned how to walk, she learned how to run, and ever since then, she runs everywhere. She is the Forest Gump of toddlers.

But because her ambition exceeds her level of coordination, she falls often. And there’s a moment just after she falls, when she looks at you and waits to see how you react, before determining how she feels.

If you run over to her, concerned, worried, frantically asking if she’s okay, she’ll start crying...convinced that she must have taken quite a spill. If instead, you calmly say, “Hey, it looks like you took a little stumble,” she’s back up and running before you even finish your sentence.

The way you react will either reinforce a sense of danger or a sense of safety.

The Fear Behind the Pain

Pain is a danger signal. And in the case of neural pathway pain, the way we react determines whether this signal stays on or switches off. When we react to pain with fear, it reinforces a sense of danger, and the pain persists.

Fear is the fuel for the pain.

​

If you overcome your fear, it deactivates your danger signals and the pain stops. So in truth, this is not a pain problem you have, it’s a fear problem. The pain is just the consequence.

Of course, overcoming the fear of your pain is easier said than done. It's hard not to be afraid of something that is so inherently scary. But that’s the goal, and it’s one of the things we’re going to be working toward for the next few weeks.

A couple months ago, Howard Schubiner and I did a training in Michigan. We wanted to do a live demonstration with someone to show the relationship between pain and fear. A nurse practitioner named Felicia volunteered. Felicia had had chronic neck pain for 20 years, and for 20 years she’d interpreted that pain as dangerous. Over the course of several minutes, Felicia was able to eliminate her fear around the pain, and the pain went away.

Here’s a video of the live demo:

Assuming you have neural pathway pain, if you overcome you fear, the pain will disappear. It may not happen immediately, but it will eventually fade, as you've cut off its fuel source.

The Subtle Forms of Fear

What if you're not actually scared of your pain...what if it's more frustration or despair?

These feelings seem like they’re different than fear, but they’re actually under the same umbrella. Fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger, and it gives us the desire to escape. Frustration and despair lead to a desire to escape from our current situation...

Subtle as they may be – frustration and despair are forms of fear, and can keep our danger signals activated.

So when we talk about overcoming fear, we're including frustration, despair, anguish, irritation, annoyance, vexation, and anything else that communicates the message, "This is a bad thing that I want get away from."

Outcome Independence

In the earlier clip, Felicia was able to eliminate her fear around the pain by being outcome independent. Outcome independence means your definition of success isn't tied to a specific result.

I came upon outcome independence by accident. In 2004, I had chronic back pain, and I would take long walks every night.

I would constantly monitor my symptoms: How soon would the pain start? How quickly would it intensify? How bad was it when I got home?

If I had a “good” walk, I’d feel confident, hopeful, and good about myself. If I had a “bad” walk, I’d feel scared, frustrated, and despairing. This went on for two years.

Finally one day, I’d had enough. I was sick and tired of my mood, my outlook on life, and my feelings about the future being so dependent on the pain.

And I was done.

I changed my definition of success. A “good” walk was no longer one with less pain, it was one where I felt okay regardless of the pain. I took pride in my growing ability to determine my own mood. I celebrated the accomplishment of feeling good about myself even when the pain was bad. I broke free from the prison of fear.

And much to my surprise, within a couple months, my walks were pain-free. Without even knowing what I was doing, I eliminated the pain’s fuel source: fear.

Outcome independence is not something that comes easily. It’s hard to change deeply ingrained habits, and you’ll falter often. But with practice and discipline, with exposure and repetition, you can get there.

And it all starts with a single decision: I’m done being afraid.

​

The more I read the more I believe that between repressed emotions and the fear are what brought on my first stroke.

 

[sunspore]

Boy doesn't this just resonate! Powerful, powerful stuff, that fear, as well as other similar emotions, can find expression as a chronic pain syndrome. It just makes so much sense to me. When I examine myself in my daily writings, it is clear that fear, anxiety, and general apprehension about life in general are an underlying force in my life. Hearing the words "..it's not dangerous" really feels like a doorway to healing, not just from physical pain, but from the fear-driven emotions at the root of it all. That is my new mantra for any situation where I am feeling not quite right, including pain. It's not dangerous.

 

[Erbear]

Day 4: Breaking the Pain Cycle

My two-year-old niece is incredibly rambunctious. The day she learned how to walk, she learned how to run, and ever since then, she runs everywhere. She is the Forest Gump of toddlers.

But because her ambition exceeds her level of coordination, she falls often. And there’s a moment just after she falls, when she looks at you and waits to see how you react, before determining how she feels.

If you run over to her, concerned, worried, frantically asking if she’s okay, she’ll start crying...convinced that she must have taken quite a spill. If instead, you calmly say, “Hey, it looks like you took a little stumble,” she’s back up and running before you even finish your sentence.

I realized this is so similar to riding a bicycle. I remember being afraid of falling and getting hurt. I realize this is similar to the TMS issues. The only way to learn to ride the bike is by doing it over and over and eventually, it all works out. I like the idea of outcome independence and I am successful, just by riding the bike today. If I base my success on whether I feel fearful or pain, I am going to have challenges because probably every day there will be those two waiting for me in some form or another. I also realize that the pain doesn't last forever. I could feel no pain in my body and then it could come later ...usually when I get upset. I could also wake up with pain and I used to think, "Oh, no, there goes my day." But I kept an open mind and was wrong many, many times in that it didn't last more than 20 minutes. I then realized that the circuit are being rebuilt and detoured. I now say, in a positive affirming way, "Well, then again...what do I know?" This helps me stay flexible in my thinking and body.

 

[Tilli]

Yes.

Boy doesn't this just resonate! Powerful, powerful stuff, that fear, as well as other similar emotions, can find expression as a chronic pain syndrome. It just makes so much sense to me. When I examine myself in my daily writings, it is clear that fear, anxiety, and general apprehension about life in general are an underlying force in my life. Hearing the words "..it's not dangerous" really feels like a doorway to healing, not just from physical pain, but from the fear-driven emotions at the root of it all. That is my new mantra for any situation where I am feeling not quite right, including pain. It's not dangerous.

Yes I think my body said “ oh hell no ! You are not going to do 5 jobs again this year in this school system ! Here I’ll fix you , I’ll give you a devastating stroke and then you can’t go back to ultimately kill yourself “. My body is smarter than myself !!

 

[Bodhigirl]

I am so done being afraid.
I went down the rabbit hole after seven month post-concussion. Stopped PT. One brave visit to my mindbody release practitioner and wow less pain. Owned the rage. then two days later, I sit down to meditate and get my first migraine in over eight months.
It hurts.
I have been wondering where my migraines went off to. Ha.
I really think I miss my pain when it is gone. Like I’m addicted to a subtle suffering. Poor me. I am not enough!
This is simply unadulterated BS. I have a wonderful life. Education. Success. Fun.
and a dark side that stems from childhood that i have synthesized oh so many times.
And yet, I go deeper.
I wish to not fear the depths of my unconscious but rather welcome them with courage.
I am listening to The Divided Mind instead of reading this time. I am hearing it differently. Especially about narcissistic wounding and rage.
It is timeless in the unconscious. I so wish to unify myself!

 

[kim marie]

Albert Einstein said that the definition of genius is taking the complex and making it simple. This concept of overcoming fear to shed pain and strange symptoms is an example of consolidating a problem into a single goal. It is a simple, and perfect answer.

The reality, however, and the practice of shedding this fear, is where the complexity arises. Overcoming the fear of the pain is the foundation in which to open the door to deeper awareness of the layers of fears we have lurking in so many dark, secret places.

I see many posts about what to do, but less posts about how to go about achieving these goals. How do we achieve a new mind-set? Each person processes information in a unique manner, and finding the pattern of words that opens comprehension and that 'ohhh, I get it' moment can be a challenge.

Words have power, and this power resonates in the body. The word 'fear' or 'afraid' used in a sentence has an emotional response, even if barely recognize or felt. To say "I am done being afraid" sounds completely reasonable. But it carries the toxic word within the affirmation. To say something like "I am strong, and I am powerful, and I am radiating with energy and light .. " all those words are non-toxic. They do not awaken that quiver of negative energy.

For me, to say "I am not afraid" was also a mode of denial, which is already too prevalent. I do not wish to encourage more denial in my body. I am afraid. But ............ I am also strong and powerful and radiating with light ...

And when I recite that, when I shift my focus from the toxic words to the glowing words, the toxic words begin to diminish. I do not deny my fear. I let it wither from lack of attention.

Where we are today IS the result of every thought and every action we have ever taken. And each person, each beautiful soul, has the power to make new choices and take new actions. Follow your intuition. Listen deeply. Breathe even more deeply. Engage all your senses. Step into the embrace of Nature and be soothed.

I feel such gratitude for this site, and all the supportive members ... thank you all!

.... with Love and Compassion<3

 

[kim marie]

to the woman who talked about Tinnitus. I had that for two years. First, it drove me mad, because i'm prone to insomnia, and you cant sleep with that ringing in your ears! eventually i got used to it, and with that, i stopped caring. That's when it faded. it comes back sometimes, but i just dont care about it, so it doesnt stick around.

To the last comment about negative feelings, feeling victimized, I too feel that. Usually it's "i was born broken. i'm useless, i shouldnt even be on this earth because i'm a useless broken human. i should just fade out or die in my sleep". It's awful. i have to stop that. I also noticed that living in my moment cuts the pain drastically. When i go for hikes with my dog, i'm nearly pain free. I used to think it was because i was standing, and therefore not hurting the nerve. i'm sure some of it is that, but most of it is because i'm not laying around and stewing about my awful life. Even on the bike, when i had only bladder pain (not pudendal pain YET) i'd be pain free on the bike. I never knew why. i'd have pain before, and after i got off the bike. But while on it, it was like taking a pain pill, yet i didn't take anything. I now believe it was because i was living in the moment. On a mountain bike, you have to concentrate on the trail ahead of you or else you'll crash. You cant really let your mind wander and start worrying about the future. I think that's what took the pain away. I'm all about catastrophizing and when something can distract me from that, my pain lessens. I just havent been able to apply these things to every day life yet. I cant always be hiking or sleeping or crying (another thing that lessens my pain temporarily). i need to apply these techniques 24/7.

Sounded like me the negative thinking