Day 32

[Alyssa5]

Todays reading addresses a woman's story that discusses how she balances her life and treating PPD. I am a mother of two kids (6 year old boy and almost 2 year old girl), and a full time employee so it is hard having to deal with daily stressors of life and dealing with TMS. Specific problems in my life that may be preventing me from recovering from TMS is life in itself! I live in the Bay Area so we are constantly on the go! I don't have time to relax, I just go, go go. The only time I relax is when I go to sleep and then the cycle continues. I have a hard time living in the moment, i constantly think about the future (with my pain); the fear of it remains. I am exhausted all the time so meditation tools are not currently being used on a consistent basis. My mind wanders a lot during them and I get bored easily. I continue to be hard on myself and compare my story to others (why hasn't my pain reduced, others have reduced their symptoms and you have not, what are you doing wrong) and I worry about my future with this pain.

I need to relax and meditate more often; I need to make myself a priority, I need to change my negativity and be more positive, and learn to be less hard on myself. Kaiser offers a chronic pain class where they teach patients different tools to use for their pain, I am thinking that I should go to their 6 week course since I have nothing to loose.

I make mistakes all the time at work and it takes me longer to complete work assignments since my brain seems to not function properly with chronic pain. I feel bad because I feel that I am not as witty as I used to be. It takes me longer to think! I tend to be hard on myself even for making little mistakes.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

H, Alyssa. I live in the Chicago area and even though the suburb I live in is rather peaceful, the pace is still like the big city. And although I was born and grew up in Chicago, I think I am at heart a small-town boy (at age 85 now). I am single so my life is comparatively quiet, with just my darling dog.
But my work for a book publisher is stressful so I have to find ways each day to relax.

One of my favorite relaxing techniques, besides the essential deep breathing, is to watch Youtube videos on relaxation. My favorite is
"Guided Meditation for Detachment from Over-Thinking." Michael Shealy's voice lulls me to sleep at the computer.

Be patient with yourself when making mistakes at work. Pain can cause that. I get angry at the computer for shutting down every now and then
so I lose things I've written and have to rewrite them. Sometimes I scream, but I find it more helpful to just laugh.

Try not to worry about the future. Just take each hour and each day as they come. Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow's anxieties, that today's are enough in themselves. He got that right!

 

[AnnaSchweitzer]

Alyssa! I'm so sorry that you are in pain. You have done better at following the SEP than me. I started when you did and only did it until day 9. Then I got a horrible sinus infection, took 2 antibiotics then my computer went on the blitz! Getting ready to just start over again here soon. I find myself with the SEP monitoring my pain. Like oh I journaled today or thought a certain way so then I feel guilty if I've been negative or feel like I should have less pain bc I was thinking about my emotions. And I think both is wrong. but working on how to be indifferent to pain and really pay attention to what my body is telling me. I think you tend to be too hard on yourself. Start picking out the things you like about yourself, or things you are good at. Think about those. It gives you more power and positivity when you focus on what you're doing right it makes you want to be/do better! Also start being your own best friend. Let yourself make mistakes. We are human! Spend a few minutes each day letter your inner child be upset with life and then turn around and give that child compassion and love and tell her you are OK! Hang in there! I am still in pain but learning so much more about what's going on inside!