I'm half laughing because it's suggested we list two or three events from our childhood which causes us fear, pain, anger. Well, without any strain at all, I could fill all 15 slots on that TMI list. Really, what an f-ed up childhood I had. Not when you looked at it from the outside, but behind the closed doors - where all the bad things happened. I used to live in such fear that friends would discover how flawed I was, and the reason I believed I was flawed is because I was a magnet for pedophiles. Great uncles, second cousins, step-father. Most every man who had contact with me also used me for his perverted pleasures. Have I known that those experiences have influenced every bit of my life? Sure. Did I really think they could affect my health? Nah, I really didn't. There are so many connections being made so rapidly since beginning this program - I'm amazed at how open I am to the realities and how accepting I am of the truths. All those defenses I built up; all the fear, pain, rejection, confusion; all the doomed relationships; the surgeries for pain, the narcotics, the NSAIDS, the creams and ointments. It's not about anything physical. It's about my heart and my soul, and how they were stolen from me. Recovery is about honoring my triumphs and internalizing the reality that I can't be hurt anymore. This is monumental. This is coming at just the right time. This is my cure.