Day 25

[Hen]

Checking in on day 25. Overall I'm doing pretty good. I have been taking walks daily and trying to increase the length as well and having success in terms of pain. I really want to sleep on my sides because prior to this I always did and now I sleep on my back-anytime I try to sleep on my sides its not long before I get throbbing pain throughout my legs and this seems to happen on both sides (predominantly the left side) and so I give it up and go back to sleeping on my back.

This may not sound like a huge deal and its not actually but I've been reading Steve O's book "The Great Pain Deception" and I'm wondering if I need to "challenge" this part of TMS in order to overcome it? I should mention that sleeping on my sides for even 10-20 minutes usually pains increased pain for the whole day. It's really discouraging to me to not be able to get over this "TMS hump" yet.

Personally I'm looking for a new job because my current one is very toxic so there's stress around that, I have an interview on Thursday which is great but also stressful. I'm working really hard on staying positive but last night I just vented to a friend about how so many aspects of my life: work, my marriage and friendships are all in a bad place.

Any thoughts? Words of wisdom or encouragement would be appreciated.

Thanks

 

[mike2014]

Hen,

Wow, Day 25. That's a huge success. Well done!

To answer your question, yes I would definitely challenge the pain. Pre-occupation with pain and fear will only but prologue the pain cycle. Our dear friend @Walt Oleksy and @James59 have made some fantastic suggestions on the following thread:

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/new-techniques-for-sleeping-better.11205/

Good luck with your interview on Thursday, I hope it's a job you enjoy and it gives you a great sense of purpose and being.

I understand your desire to change everything in your life, but try to do things in small manageable and achievable blocks. Taking on too much can be stressful in itself. On another note, it's often our perception of a belief that strengthens our thoughts. Sometimes the same life stressors happen time and time again, so ultimately, it's about learning to connect with ourselves and not letting these thoughts drive us. Learning to be present, aware and non judgemental of our thoughts.

Wising you all the best Hen and please count your successes, for these are the foundations of your healing.

 

[Hen]

Thank you. I appreciate the link to the thread and will try to challenge this side sleeping pain situation. I know that I need to but the increased pain sets my mind back. I guess that's where challenging my perception around the pain comes in. I know its probably going to flare up before receding. This is the real work for me: learning to connect with myself and stopping the negative flow of thoughts that gets going. I'm super judgmental of my thoughts and just journaled about how I'm constantly comparing everything : my pain levels, my careers vs my friends and on and on and I realized these comparisons just serve as distractions for me so that I don't have to dig into my own mind and try to sort things out. I know that's where the answers are. Not in comparisons and not in false ideas or beliefs about someone else's life being so much better or happier than mine.

 

[breakfree]

Hi Hen

Firstly - well done you, congratulate yourself, be proud of yourself - you have completed 25 days of the SEP, twenty - five - days !!
That IS amazing !
3 months ago, 6 months ago , a year ago , would you of thought then , that you could of possibly of done any of the tasks set out for you within the last 25 days ???

Secondly - it is a huge deal , your mind has been programmed to think that sleeping on your sides 'will' cause you pain, and programmed to think that the pain 'will' last a long time and be very painful.
So yes, it is a huge deal that you are physically challenging your own mind, by trying at least (even if you can only mange it for a few minutes or hours) You are doing it - so well done you !! And please (as long as you the all clear to try it from a doctor i.e. there's nothing structurally wrong, with you being able to sleep on your sides) keep going Hen , the more you challenge your mind the more you will succeed - I thing reprogramming is the hardest task we have to complete.

Thirdly , well done again for obtaining a job interview - that in itself is no 'mean feet', and it sounds like to me, that it could be just the change you need, especially feeling the way you do about your current job - after all ''a change is as good, as a rest''
So 'really good luck to you for Thursday, I will be thinking of you'

Lastly ... have you read Loving What Is by Byron Katie ? her work is amazing , once 'you get it' (and it took me several weeks to 'get it') I think from the sounds of it, you could benefit from reading it.

Comparisons - will they change what you have ? No
Being judgemental - will it change what you have ? No

You have what you have - would you have it any other way?
What you don't have, you'll never miss - if you've never had it, how can you miss it?

Negativity - I think you already 'get this' from your post ...
If you think negatively, it will have a negative impact on you physically, emotionally and on those around you too.
If you think positively, it will have a positive impact on you physically, emotionally and on those around you too.

MUCH easier said than done though - I know

x x

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Hen. I hope the job interview went well. I hated my old job as a writer for a big insurance company and dragged myself to work for three years. I finally quit and began freelancing. I'm still at it after 40 years and I am 85. No financial security, but few people have that today even working for big corporations. The main thing was to do what I love to do, write. Find work that you would enjoy or at least could tolerate, and you will be a happier person free of pain. But don't quit your job until you have a new one.

 

[Hen]

Breakfree-thanks! I should clarify that I've only been struggling with TMS for about 3-4 months. I do have what a doctor would call a structural abnormality-bulging discs at L4 and L5. I was cleared for physical therapy immediately and my chiropractor (haven't seen any doctors for over a month) discharged me from her care as well. So.....I'm going with TMS.

Not sure what is going on with the programming of pain while sleeping on my sides but maybe because it was the very first symptom I noticed and what started this chain of pain!

I did lie on my side last night for about 30 minutes and felt throbbing pain for most of the time. Part of the reason I don't full on go for it and force myself to lay on my sides all night/longer is because it hurts my hips the next day(s) and I'm just not up for that right now. I'm more in a gradual state of coming back.


I took a fairly long walk in the snow yesterday. I did have pain about half way through but it wasn't as bad. Now experiencing the following weird symptoms since starting Steve O's book: gum pain on right side of mouth, I woke up last night with only my right wrist "asleep" which is weird because I was laying on my back with my arms beside me so don't know how I could've caused it.

The fingers in left hand started tingling for a bit and the knots in my back are better in places but my shoulders are now tense. I wonder if things are moving and changing due to increased awareness?

Thank you for the well wishes for my interview! I truly appreciate it.

Here's to more positive thinking, letting go of useless comparisons, moving our bodies, soothing our minds and letting it go and letting it flow!