Day 24

Carol Omans

Carol Omans

Peer Supporter
Being a perfectionist (haha), I am working the program as much as I can. I am also doing Dr. Howard Schubiner's workbook which I find very helpful. I have always written a journal and recorded my dreams. A very interesting thing happened. Now my dreams are giving me clues of subjects I need to journal about!
It was very exciting to me when I discovered that was happening. So now I am journaling that too. Good thing I like to write.
The pain is changing. First it was in my hip and leg and knee. I felt like my leg was falling off or disconnecting in some way from my hip. Weird. Now my knee has gone from extreme pain to extreme soreness. I try to walk. At first I'm good but shortly into the walk I become very sore and uncomfortable and limp. I'm 70 but I look like I'm 120 when I'm walking. I'm not sure when to walk and how much. Yesterday I did 25 very slow minutes and today I can barely put one foot in front of the other.
Maybe I'm expecting too much too soon? The exercise thing is confusing me. I have an offer to get a great 4 year old house broken dog and I really want this dog, but I'm afraid I won't be able to walk it and I'm pretty sure the whole idea is causing me stress! Thanks for reading.
 
Healing rarely ever follows a linear pattern. Remember that you are essentially healed already (there's nothing structurally wrong with you I take it), and that it's only a matter of time before your body updates to reflect your new reality. I can absolutely relate to the stress of "overdoing it" too early in the recovery process or prematurely taking on an obligation (by choice or necessity). That said, I'm a go-getter when it comes to TMS recovery, so I would probably get the dog, but it might be wise to wait given the stress that it's been generating for you. Go with whatever you feel most comfortable with.

Also, I don't always recommend books, but since you began with "being a perfectionist" I feel obligated. "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown is a superb read for perfectionists -- I would recommend it to anyone. If you're interested, check out the Table of Contents and Amazon reviews. In my experience, discovering TMS was far better than a pill or surgical cure because it results in healthy lifestyle changes in a number of areas. The symptoms truly are a wake-up call that something has gone amiss. This book helped me achieve the balance I was lacking and aided my recovery in the process.
 
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