Day 2

Today was considerably better for my right hand than yesterday. I laughed at the pain. I really just said "pffft" to it whenever it tried to cross my mind. It takes a certain strength to do that, because the pain also has its own will. But I want to show the pain in my right hand who has the upper hand.

I began to read. The Mind Body Prescription by Dr. Sarno last night. Something he said struck me deeply. He said that when he felt the symptoms of his migraine coming on (the "lights"), he sat down and tried to think of what was making him angry. Even though the fact that he couldn't think of anything that made him angry, the pain vanished, because he acknowledged that an emotion was behind it.

Part of the healing for me will be acknowledging that repressed, dangerous emotions are creating the symptoms which result in the diagnosis of TMS. Accepting the diagnosis means, then, acknowledging the emotions that cause the pain.

Emotions are terrifying to me. I try not to think about them. The reason I decided to do this structured program is because, if I do not make a commitment to uncovering what is eating at me, I will simply move on once I achieve even a partial remission of pain.

I am part of a 12-step group. I have a belief in a higher power, which helps me. Tonight at a meeting we read, "Burn into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."

It felt as though this was meant for me. It's so simple. Whenever I feel terror about uncovering repressed emotions (cleaning house), I can simply ask God for help. And then expect that help will come. After all, peeling away the layers covering my emotions isn't going to kill me.

Incidentally, I in no way wish to sow discord by mentioning God, so if the word offends anyone, my apologies. This is a record of my healing, and that includes, for me, a spiritual component. I really hope to make prayer and trust in God a big part of my recovery program, as well as the sober, rational understanding of the scientific proof of Dr. Sarno's medical discoveries.

I still fear that the painful symptoms will return tomorrow, or the next day. There is a lot of fear associated with my work. I hope to uncover more of that anxiety in the days ahead.

I am grateful for this structured program and for this forum, and will continue to post updates.

Thaxter

 

Hi, Thaxter. Far from being offended by you mentioning that you are asking God's help, I wish everyone would, regardless of what faith they belong to.
If it wasn't for believing in God as the Great Healer, I'd never have made it to age 85.

I constantly thank God for everything He has given me so far... family, friends, dogs. I write books, mainly for children, but there is not much money in it and I am under constant financial stress. But I have lived with uncertain income as a freelance for 40 years, and consider myself lucky because no one can lay me off.

I think if we count our blessings from the Lord, the good far outweighs the bad.

Try not to fear that your painful symptoms will come back tomorrow or the day after. They may come back, but with TMS and your faith in God, you will be able to handle them.

I hope you have a very Happy Easter, even if it is alone, like I will be, except my darling dog will be with me.

 

Hi Walt -- thank you for such a positive and encouraging message! I am reminded that if we are grateful for everything, even the things that don't seem so good, that good still comes from that gratitude and from asking His protection and care with complete abandon.

Also, you're right -- freelancing is the way to go -- no one can ever lay you off! So true!

I wish you a very blessed and Happy Easter as well, Walt. Thanks again for your kind encouragement!
Thaxter