The things we hide from ourselves. I realized this morning that I have not really cried for 10 years. There has been plenty to cry about, but as a mother I never wanted my daughter to see my pain. What a disservice I have done to both of us. My mother died when my daughter was nearly 3 and I felt so guilty for leaving town to go to the funeral. I made it a quick trip so as not to disrupt anything and she never saw me cry over the loss. Frankly, my alcoholic mother and I were never close which I am sure contributed alot. I felt so guilty leaving town and almost didn't go. I have not shown any of my heart ache. Two years ago a cat that I loved very much had to be put to sleep. I found her in an awful state at about 6 in the morning. I was so stressed as I didn't want my daughter to see the bad shape our cat was in, and I wanted to get home fast to explain it to her in the best way to reduce her pain. I took my poor cat in, they put her to sleep and I rushed home as to not delay my husbands leaving for work and to figure out how I could tell our daughter. I loved this cat deeply, but cried very little and only in private. I did not want my daughter to see the pain. Wow! This has been very eye opening. I have gone to great lengths to neither allow myself to feel pain or my daughter. For months I watched her deteriorate from cancer, and wanted to cry all the time as I loved that cat so much. I have just stuffed so many things deep down inside. Not going to do that anymore! Pain is part of life and we all have to feel it and express it. Thanks for letting me share my realization.