Day 2 Avoiding feelings

[Margot!!]

This was a good lesson for me today and knowing what I feel is honestly the most difficult thing for me. As a therapist, I have alot of shame around not always knowing what Im feeling, but this goes WAAAAY back for me. Ive been disconnected from my body since childhood. I have to REALLY focus to get in touch and sometimes I still cant name what I'm feeling. This will be a challenge. Interesting thing- Yesterday afternoon I was doing research for a training on chronic pain and noticed that my symptoms started to get worse. The more I read the research of these various conditions, the worse I felt. I think it goes back to the fear and sadness I feel around feeling that I have lost my life and that I can't recover, that this whole thing is a waste of time. I admit I am definitely feeling impatient and can go negative pretty quick if I'm not monitoring.
Lots of symptoms this morning, very painful. sleep was bad. I am very frustrated and I don't know what to do with that.... While reading about self image I realized that one of the scariest things for me is that somehow myself image is inaccurate and someone someday will give me undeniable proof that I am useless, ignorant, lazy, selfish- basically an awful human.... Logically I know this is not real, old tapes screaming at me, somedays my heart (my little girl/inner child) believes its true. I give myself a big hug. I am open to any ideas, tips, tricks, resources, meditations ect.

 

[BloodMoon]

I am open to any ideas, tips, tricks, resources, meditations ect.

These forums are full of these things; they are an absolute mine of ideas, tips etc. However, as you're new to all of this, it's difficult to know specifically what to suggest to you. As you work your way through the SEP though, you will be gradually picking up ideas and techniques.

I admit I am definitely feeling impatient and can go negative pretty quick if I'm not monitoring.

We all feel impatient for improvement, but patience is key -- This work needs to percolate into our brains and psyche. Something that helps me when I get negative is to say to myself or out loud: "respond, well". It interrupts the spiralling and it allows you the space to move on from it.

The more I read the research of these various conditions, the worse I felt.

It's triggering and par for the course with we TMSers... lesson 1: refrain from Googling!

You're recognising a lot about yourself. Some people find that very hard to do, so believe me when I tell you that you're already winning a lot of the battle. Keep going!

 

[Duggit]

. . .knowing what I feel is honestly the most difficult thing for me. As a therapist . . . .

Based on your full post above, it would seem that you have no difficulty at all in feeling "shame," "fear," "sadness," "impatient," and "frustrated." Would you be willing to reveal what kind of therapist training you have had in case that might shed light on why you have concluded it is so difficult for you to know what you feel? Do you have in mind Freud's concept of defense mechanisms or something else?

 

[Margot!!]

Thank you for your question and time. To clarify, I mean nameing the feeling in the moment. I can feel the change in my body and I struggle to put a name on what the feeling is. I can reflect and name emotions much more easily after the moment has passed. I have a masters degree in clinical mental health counseling. I am approaching this concept with beginner mind. Not as a professional, just some who has lived with chronic pain for far too long and wants to heal. Thanks again, your question was helpful.

 

[HealingMe]

I wonder if you might be being a little hard on yourself by feeling like you need to figure out exactly what the feeling is in the moment. I’ve had some strange thoughts and feelings myself, and sometimes I just notice them and think, “Huh, that’s interesting,” without needing to analyze or label them, and then I move on with my day.

Maybe sometimes it’s enough to simply notice that something is happening without having to fully understand or name it right away.

Learning to observe and move on with my day without labeling has been very freeing for me. Uncomfortable at first and painful, but as are most habits we break.

 

[Margot!!]

Thank you.... definately something I would do.... yep! I put alot of pressure on myself in most settings. Working on self.compassion and giveing myself break.