Mermaid
Beloved Grand Eagle
Hi Everyone
I'm on day 18 of the SEP, following a relapse after being almost totally recovered from severe FM, migraine and anxiety. I'm not following the SEP to the letter, just the educational part; I've gone "off piste" with the journaling, because I'm an old hand at this and have really excavated my history and personality, the first time around. I'm working on self compassion and the current issues that brougt on my relapse. As I mentioned in an ealier post, my mum being diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and planning too much for myself to do over the summer set me off again.
My hormones are giving me hell too (I'm 50 years old and in perimenopause), which seems to exaccerbate my TMS symptoms before I get my period. This isn't conditioning, because I never know exactly when it's going to be anyway, and don't keep track of it. It's more that I have a bad couple of days, then get my period and think "Oh that's what it was". I think my ANS is still sensitised to the extent where my hormones have an exaggerated impact. When I was still in withdrawal from all the medications I was prescribed the "time of the month" was a living hell for me. It's over 3 years since I've taken anything, and it was the best and hardest thing I've ever done getting off it all. I couldn't have healed otherwise.
The good news is I'm back to feeling OK 90% of the time. I had a major breakthrough a couple of days ago; I was meditating on self compassion by visualizing myself at various difficult times in my past, being soothed by the older and wiser me, on a beautiful beach at dusk. I felt a HUGE wave of sadness and compassion for "old me", which obvioulsy made me cry. Since then I've realised that I've being trying to be way too stoic, I've NEVER grieved about any of the awful experiences I've had, I considered it wallowing. I've been beating myself about having TMS, and all the "mistakes" I made that caused me to develop it. I'm sure lots of us perfectionists fall into the same trap. Anyway, I'm working on not downplaying (repressing) things that cause me emotional distress. I've always been a "pick yourself up and dust yourself down" type of person, but I wasn't giving myself enough time to deal with the emotional impact events had on me. Now if I feel anxious or sad I explore it then let it happen without fear, knowing that it will pass, as it always does.
I've also upped my exercise, which always helps a great deal. It gives me confidence that I'm healthy.
Today I woke to a snowy dark moring, when I had to struggle through traffic to get to work. I was grumbling along to myself, cursing my journey, when I went over a hill where the clouds were starting to lift, revealing the most beautiful golden sunrise. It was utterly breathtaking; perhaps a reminder from God that life is never all bad, and it's full of surprises.
Be well everyone, and remember God loves you all just the way you are
I'm on day 18 of the SEP, following a relapse after being almost totally recovered from severe FM, migraine and anxiety. I'm not following the SEP to the letter, just the educational part; I've gone "off piste" with the journaling, because I'm an old hand at this and have really excavated my history and personality, the first time around. I'm working on self compassion and the current issues that brougt on my relapse. As I mentioned in an ealier post, my mum being diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and planning too much for myself to do over the summer set me off again.
My hormones are giving me hell too (I'm 50 years old and in perimenopause), which seems to exaccerbate my TMS symptoms before I get my period. This isn't conditioning, because I never know exactly when it's going to be anyway, and don't keep track of it. It's more that I have a bad couple of days, then get my period and think "Oh that's what it was". I think my ANS is still sensitised to the extent where my hormones have an exaggerated impact. When I was still in withdrawal from all the medications I was prescribed the "time of the month" was a living hell for me. It's over 3 years since I've taken anything, and it was the best and hardest thing I've ever done getting off it all. I couldn't have healed otherwise.
The good news is I'm back to feeling OK 90% of the time. I had a major breakthrough a couple of days ago; I was meditating on self compassion by visualizing myself at various difficult times in my past, being soothed by the older and wiser me, on a beautiful beach at dusk. I felt a HUGE wave of sadness and compassion for "old me", which obvioulsy made me cry. Since then I've realised that I've being trying to be way too stoic, I've NEVER grieved about any of the awful experiences I've had, I considered it wallowing. I've been beating myself about having TMS, and all the "mistakes" I made that caused me to develop it. I'm sure lots of us perfectionists fall into the same trap. Anyway, I'm working on not downplaying (repressing) things that cause me emotional distress. I've always been a "pick yourself up and dust yourself down" type of person, but I wasn't giving myself enough time to deal with the emotional impact events had on me. Now if I feel anxious or sad I explore it then let it happen without fear, knowing that it will pass, as it always does.
I've also upped my exercise, which always helps a great deal. It gives me confidence that I'm healthy.
Today I woke to a snowy dark moring, when I had to struggle through traffic to get to work. I was grumbling along to myself, cursing my journey, when I went over a hill where the clouds were starting to lift, revealing the most beautiful golden sunrise. It was utterly breathtaking; perhaps a reminder from God that life is never all bad, and it's full of surprises.
Be well everyone, and remember God loves you all just the way you are
