Day 16 Day 16

[hne913]

I keep taking mental breaks from this forum because of overwhelm and needing to turn my mind off when I get home from work. Todays reading was good. I keep wondering if there's any way I can speed up the process - maybe my impatience is adding to my anxiety. That would make since. I wrote about what stressors i'm facing right now in general, and in truth, there aren't that many. That made me happy. My list is getting shorter!!

The question for today asked about whether i've been telling people about my TMS diagnosis. Nope. Not really. I told one person. A few people i've told that i'm working through some emotional things that could be related to it knowing that will help, but I haven't labeled it TMS to them or anything. It just seems easier not to go into details. I am also afraid of skepticism and how that will effect my healing. I don't feel prepared to hear others negativity or doubt around this diagnosis, because I'm afraid it will weaken my resolve. I still hear in my head a lot, "well, surgery's always an option" and then I remind myself it's not my body so surgery would be pointless. I'm also wondering if starting the physical activity will help the process along. I went walk-running for the first time the other day! It felt great. But it's really the only physical activity other than some home yoga (2x) that i've done in probably the three weeks since starting this. I get paid tomorrow - my first real paycheck in over a year! SO, if I have the funds, i'm going to put some money aside to do some yoga in a studio at least 1x a week. I'm really looking forward to it.

How is everyone else doing?? I was driving home last night (one of my triggers) and noticed sharp searing (sp?) pain that I haven't felt for a long time. But I was oddly detached from it. Like, "oh, that's interesting". I also noticed I was getting a lot of headaches. Is this what they mean by the pain changing?

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Yes wanting to speed up the process is self defeating and will hold you back. Take your time. Be patient and focus on gratitude. Yes , there's no need to tell others about your tms if it bothers you. You are doing well here with friends that understand and will give you the support you need. You can exercise if you wish. Although its not the exercise that heals, its you learning to not be afraid to do any physical movements that helps heal and it you knowing that you have mental power over your pain in the capacity that you have learned to express yourself more and not repress your emotions anymore.

I love yoga. You have to keep thinking emotional or psychological though and loose any structural, physical thoughts. That thinking on the body will keep you held back too. The detachment is good for you right now-- that cool. A pain such as headaches can occur as you start to heal but remember the headache is there due to tension and repression and holding yourself back just like any other bodily pain so don't fear it or focus on it and you will beat that too.

You stay course, don't fear reading about how to heal. God bless

 

[Richsimm22]

I started running for the first time in years after starting the program and it definitely feels invigorating and the more you do it the less fear you have. I also just feel better afterwards I can get a bit emotional when im running and I feel its a kind of release.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

I started running for the first time in years after starting the program and it definitely feels invigorating and the more you do it the less fear you have. I also just feel better afterwards I can get a bit emotional when im running and I feel its a kind of release.

I love this Richsimms22. You get a bit emotional after the run.
Awesome, this means you are feeling your emotions, a must.
You are healing buddy.

 

[Richsimm22]

Yes herbie. Vigorous exercise certainly feels like a release mentally. It always used to and not doing it for a long time has certainly left me tense and frustrated. My last couple of runs have been really hard as im in a flare up. First time it was hard was because I had a knot in my right lower to mid back radiating pain when I breathed in deeply but I got through it. Then the last time the knots were in a different place on the other side and in my left shoulder blade. Because it moved it helped convince me more its just tms trying to be sneaky. So while I was running I spoke to myself got angry at my brain for being such a sneaky f*@# and just carried on. It was still there when I finished but It didnt stop me. Ill keep running and next time i feel I can really give it some im gonna really go for it and laugh at my brain and say to it f**k you, you didnt get the better of me.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Yes herbie. Vigorous exercise certainly feels like a release mentally. It always used to and not doing it for a long time has certainly left me tense and frustrated. My last couple of runs have been really hard as im in a flare up. First time it was hard was because I had a knot in my right lower to mid back radiating pain when I breathed in deeply but I got through it. Then the last time the knots were in a different place on the other side and in my left shoulder blade. Because it moved it helped convince me more its just tms trying to be sneaky. So while I was running I spoke to myself got angry at my brain for being such a sneaky f*@# and just carried on. It was still there when I finished but It didnt stop me. Ill keep running and next time i feel I can really give it some im gonna really go for it and laugh at my brain and say to it f**k you, you didnt get the better of me.

Sounds like a plan. Always remember to think about the emotional issues you are facing in your day to day pressures ok and write about them too as much as possible. By writing about your emotions you will have another form of release too. Then eventually add deep breathing and meditations ok to calm your nervous system.
Bless You