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Day 11 day 11

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by blake, Jul 23, 2014.

  1. blake

    blake Well known member

    Hi all,
    I'm slowly making my way through the structured program and journaling about past traumatic events. I feel the need to share this story with others in the hopes of lightening my load a bit.

    When I was 19 years old, I had a workplace accident. I burned my arm very badly with a boiling pot of soup and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. The pain was excruciating and since I was estranged from my very dysfunctional family at the time, I was also completely alone. I didn't even bother telling them actually.
    But here's the crazy thing: I remember feeling guilty that I was giving my employer a problem and guilty for getting workman's compensation for a month. In reality, the accident was completely my employer's fault for not providing proper pots to be carried up a flight of stairs and I probably would have been entitled to more financial compensation than just one month's pay.

    My self-esteem was/is so low that I felt ashamed about the accident!!! That makes me so sad and angry. I deserved much more and this is a pattern I have in my life in general.

    I'm also left with what I think may be a bit of ptsd, since on most nights when I was asleep, I get images in my head of my son getting burned by accident. I shut out the thoughts but they come no matter what.

    Don't know if there's a link with this particular incident and my tms, but it feels good to share it.
     
  2. Marla

    Marla Peer Supporter

    I have found doing the journaling about past events helps a lot. Even things I have forgotten are coming back.

    Your post reminded me of before I heard about this I had a back operation in 2000 and I felt so guilty about the time before and after off work and on workman's comp.

    I had that same guilt about missing work from lack of self esteem not believing I was important enough.

    I am sure that accident did feed heavily into your TMS.
     
  3. blake

    blake Well known member

    Thank you for your feedback. It's always nice to know that other people experience these things too. I come from a family where people never talk about feelings, so being to hear other people's stories is really healing for me.

    I'm remembering stuff too. I went into the journaling thinking that I already knew all my issues. Boy was I wrong about that! I've had one really great breakthrough and it convinced completely that the tms approach is exactly what I need.
     
  4. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Blake, your guilt sure means to me your pain is from that.
    You sound like a very good, caring, honest person so you just have to forgive your employer
    for not providing sufficient safety on the job. You don't have to forgive him/her in person or by phone or letter.

    Just forgive them mentally. And raise your level of self-esteem. You have no reason to have low self-esteem.
    You may have other repressed emotions, probably going back to your childhood, so I suggest journaling
    to discover them.

    You also sound very conscientious, which is part of a perfectionist personality and a person who wants to be liked
    by everyone for everything. Those cause anxiety, guilt, and pain.

    Stick with the SEP program and you will win your battle against pain.
     

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