Day 11. Need some suggestions..

[Japanchick]

I feel that most, if not all, of the bad stuff that happened me in the past was my fault. I mean, I know, intellectually, that it wasn't and I was only a child. But emotionally I still feel it was my fault somehow. My question is: how do I change that feeling and that sense of responsibility that has been so deeply ingrained into my being? Is it even possible? I mean, really possible? Have any of you actually accomplished that? Please tell me your success stories.. I need some hope..

Also, thank you to those of you who have given me feedback until now. I'm not very active on the forum and I don't post on other's wall much. Mostly because I'm at work when I'm online. But I really appreciate your responses.

 

[Stock Trader]

Hey JC,
Guilt is one of the emotions that causes TMS. Guilt consists of the feelings that many people have for things that they regret having done. Many people with TMS tend to feel guilty for many things they have done and they have a difficult time letting go of that guilt or forgiving themselves, even though they will quickly forgive others for similar actions. You need to notice your guilt emotion without judging it or reacting to it, accept the guilt as just a guilt, and let it go and be kind to yourself, show self compassion and forgive yourself. Treat your yourself the way you would treat your own child.

 

[Anne Walker]

That is great advice Stocktrader! I also feel like all the bad stuff that has happened is my fault somehow. I feel like the pain is punishing me. Of course, it is possible to change your feeling so responsible for the bad things that have happened to you! You are taking the first steps right now. I would try journaling on this if you haven't. That is what I am about to do.

 

[Solange]

I believe it is possible to change that sense of responsibility/guilt/shame etc Japanchick.
I have done this by imagining myself as the adult I now am going back into my own past to meet myself as the child I was (hope I'm not losing you here!)
and viewing her situation with the compassion I would give to any child who found herself in those circumstances. I gave the child that I was the comfort and love that I did not get then at the time. when I needed it. I imagined this and wrote down the things I would say to that powerless child that was me and imagined myself hugging and protecting her. I hope that does not sound too off beat for you, I initially was sceptical that it could work but it really did help.It was a very emotionally powerful experience and brought up lots of issues to explore. Just try it and see if it works for you.

 

[gailnyc]

That is great advice Stocktrader! I also feel like all the bad stuff that has happened is my fault somehow. I feel like the pain is punishing me.

Ugh, this is what I sometimes feel, too. Like I don't deserve comfort. I don't really have any solutions, just empathy.

 

[AndrewMillerMFT]

There is the old adage, "Act as if..." Are there ways to treat yourself compassionately to help alleviate the guilt? Can you do something for yourself that you wouldn't normally do for the guilty and "bad" part of yourself? While accepting thoughts and feelings are important - very important! - we can also actively change our behavior even if we don't necessarily feel like doing it. By changing our behavior, we can affect our thoughts and feelings - and change our brains. Behavior, thoughts and feelings all belong on a continuum and constantly provide feedback to each other.

 

[Lori]

Why do you feel it was your fault? How about exploring that a bit too?