Hi, My name is Akasia. I'm 34 years old and I'm been suffering from pain for the past 13 years. When I was 21 I first noticed this nagging tension pain on the left side of my thoracic spine. I would have to crack it literally once every 15 minutes throughout the day to get some relief. That pain is still there but now my main issues are my sacroiliac joints and my sacrum. When I was 22 it started as an annoying but tolerable jabbing pain located to one specific area in my right sacroiliac joint. Over the course of a few years it was constant and inflammed....it was a constant throbbing, hot, aching pain. So I had a work up and it was determined that I had sacroilitis with degeneration seen on an X-ray in my right sacroiliac joint. After that diagnosis the pain started to get worse. My right and left sacroiliac joints would "go out of place", most often the right side of my pelvis rotates forward and the left side of my pelvis rotates backwards which causes a torsion or twisting in my sacrum and up my lumbar spine. The muscles surrounding my pelvis, groin and low back go into such tremendous spasm that they literally pull my hip joints partially out of the socket and I can be bedridden for up to 1 month until the spasms finally subside. I have ligament laxity so any sort of muscle spasm pulls my joints out of place very easily. For example, once the spasms were so severe in my hip flexors and hip adductors that it literally pulled my hip joint out of the socket and I had to go to the emergency room to have it put back in place. These episodes of intense spasms which cause my pelvis to "go out of place" are becoming more frequent. In the past they would happen maybe 2-3 times a year. In the past 2 years I've had the pain more often than not. I have tried all kinds of massage therapy, physical therapy, energy healing, craniosacral therapy, meditation, going gluten and dairy free, taking all sorts of supplements, homeotherapy, natropathic medicine, acupuncture, chiropractic, prolotherapy which involves approximately 15-20 injections deep down where the ligaments meet the bones in an effort to strengthen the ligaments so that my pelvis and low back won't slip out of place so easily. There is a part of me that knows that I have TMS but there is a larger part of me that is in strong resistance to this diagnosis. I have many of the personality characteristics, I had a traumatic childhood and several traumatic/stressful events occur over my lifetime, I had an MRI while my pelvic pain was so severe it felt as though my hip was about to dislocate again and the MRI revealed no abnormalities. There have been 3 specific stressful events that precipitated a major exacerbation of my symptoms. Sometimes when I meditate the pain reduces or the spasms reduce somewhat. I constantly think about the pain, is it going to get worse? what if it never goes away and I can't ever walk again? what if I am not able to ever ride my bike, hike, backpack, travel, rock climb, work out ever again? What if I can't go to work this week, how will I pay my bills? What if I become an invalid. What if my husband stops loving me because I'm always in pain and I can't do anything for our relationship or myself. The worry surrounding the pain engulfs me and I'm completely exhausted. I do not feel 34....I feel 84 except I see people in their 80s all of the time that look like they have more energy than me! I am going to work my way through this program, if I miss a day I'm going to try not to stress over it. When I picture myself living a life without TMS I see myself getting out of bed in the morning feeling energized and excited for what the day has to bring. I see myself traveling again. I see myself working a full work week and not even wondering if I'm going to be able to make it through. I see myself making more friends, getting out more, going to the gym and participating in group exercise classes. I see myself not having to rely on muscle relaxants and anti-inflammatories to get through my day. I see myself going hiking, biking and skiing with my husband. I also see myself getting back into rock climbing and learning how to scuba dive. I see myself being able to sleep throughout the night. I envision a social, relaxed, happier, healthier and more content version of myself. I get sad thinking about all of the opportunities and experiences that I've missed out on over the past 13 years because of this pain.