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Day 1

E

earlylite

Newcomer
I just learned aboyt TMS 2 days ago when my girlfriend gave me the Sarno Book. I read through it very fast. The typical patient profile fits me to a T - driven, successful, a workaholic who's convinced myself that work is my form of play.

I have had terrible leg pain for the past 5 months, and nothing I do seems to shake it off. It started as jolts of pain in the front of my hip and groin, then a tight piriformis which put pressure on the sciatic nerve and caused me to have terrible calf pain, like someone sticking an ice pick into it. The piriformis tightness has vanished by the calf pain, and periodic knee pain linger. Lately, I've also started getting pain and aching in my upper back at night. Yes - the pain is moving around which fits into the TMS diagnosis.

I've seen my PCP, two physical therapists, and a chiropractor, and they all have different theories. I've had an x-ray that didn't show much and have an MRI scheduled. But at this point, I am willing to accept the TMS diagnosis. I am a bit desperate. None of the meds I'm taking are really helping all that much and only serve to mask the pain, not get at the root cause. I don't want to spend the rest of my life popping pills. I am otherwise very healthy and very active outdoors.

I started journaling yesterday before discovering the structured program here and that was helpful for exploring the anger I feel, both at my condition and what I think led to it. I've had a lot of big changes over the past year: a two year divorce process that dragged on for way too long, a reduction in income due to Googles AI initiative and changes to their search algorithm, I've moved from one state to another, I'm trying to sell my old condo, I'm one year into a new relationship, and I'm trying to finish a book and get it published, but my leg pain makes it very hard to focus. Any one of those things could have been the trigger or possibly all of them at once just cause too much stress and put my body into overload.

I accept that the pain is making me ignore the repressed feelings and emotions that I have. So, in addition to going through the structured program, I plan to try and unpack the sadness, fear, and anger I feel for all of the changes in my life. I really hope TMS can help me feel good again. I'm not sure I could stand a life full of pain and I am desperate to get well again.
 
Welcome @earlylite - that's a good story and a good start.

My best advice for you at this point is to make sure you open your mind to the fact that we start repressing negative emotions from childhood, even if our childhoods were relaxed and supportive and nurturing. Just the existence of anxiety within the family structure can cause us experience physical and mental stress symptoms as adults, and my TMs experience is walking proof of that.

In other words when the SEP asks you to examine childhood memories, you want to take that exercise seriously. Don't leave anything out no matter how small it seems to be, and pay particular attention if your brain tries to keep you from putting certain things down on the paper.

In my experience these things were the key to the way I had repressed certain embarrassing or guilt-inducing events and emotions and responses. From my adult point of view the events themselves were not significant, but my individual response to them was very revealing, and facing them was freeing.

We are all so unique! You just never know what you're going to find. The key is to be willing to be emotionally vulnerable and open, because it's the fear of vulnerability that begins the repression process in childhood.

The other key is to let go of desperation. Desperation and calendar-watching are guaranteed to keep you stuck where you are. Do NOT do the SEP too fast. That won't work. If you want to work on yourself, you might consider re-reading your Sarno book more slowly. Another basic book recommendation is Hope and Help for Your Nerves, by Claire Weekes.

We're here to support you as you do the work!

And PS - that's a good girlfriend :joyful:
 
I agree with Jan. Also, keep in mind this isn’t a one and done deal meaning drop the expectation of TMS never returning once you recover. It was difficult for me to come to terms with it, but after over a year of doing this work, I’m more in tune with myself mentally and emotionally and know when it’s time to do more work like journaling or whatever tool you find that works for you. The symptoms may come, but they never blow out of proportion or turn chronic.
 
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