Day 1

Hi everyone

This is my first post on this amazing site so I thought I'd start out with a history of my chronic pain (I'll add it to my profile page).

I began having low back pain at 18 (14 years ago). From there the pain and symptoms progressed to include chronic spinal pain, headaches, nerve pain, chronic fatigue, tinnitus etc etc.
I was eventually diagnosed with fibromyalgia and have been on the treatment merry-go-round.

About 9 months ago I was at the gym doing deadlifts as part of my ongoing unsuccessful attempt to 'cure' my back pain. The next day I had swollen and extremely tender lower abdominals. I also became constipated and had sharp pain in both groins.

After 6 months of doctors visits multiple MRI's, CT scan, xrays and ultrasounds they were unable to diagnose anything.

My symptoms progressed to include episodes of numbness down both legs as well as numb testicles and penis. I was absolutely desperate for help.

Through google I found a specialist groin surgeon. I met with the surgeon and had the required scans done. He diagnosed me with bilateral sports hernias (one in each groin). I thought I had found the answer. I was going to be fixed.

For the first six days after surgery I felt great. Obviously I was very sore from the surgery but I thought I had done it!! I was repaired. Unfortunately on day 7 I started feeling my preoperation symptoms returning however now they are worse. I thought the surgery was going to relieve the symptoms not make them worse. I started to panic.

Online I stumbled on pudendal neuralgia and then the pudendal hope forum. I read absolute horror stories from people who sounded just like me. I read about the shocking succes rates of PNE surgery and I felt like my life was over. I then found Ezer's post on pudendal hope which details his amazing recovery. For the first time I felt a slight bit of hope.

I then found the tmswiki and the multitude of success stories. Ezer's recovery story really resonates with me because like me he had invasive surgery which made his symptoms worse yet he was still able to recover.

This is where my problem lies. I fully believe that my chronic back pain, tinnitus, fibro are TMS they all started fot no apparent physical reason. However I'm struggling to accept that my pudendal symptoms are TMS because Im blaming the surgery. Even though the pudendal symptoms were present before the surgery (just not as severe). So basically Im terrified that I have stuffed up any chance of recovering from TMS because I chose to have surgery.

Sorry that my first post is so long and complicated. Once I started writing it all just flowed out.

Thanks

P.s my personality aligns perfectly with TMS

 

Hi, beaumO. Welcome to the TMS community and this web site. You have come to the right place to become free of your symptoms. I healed from severe back and shoulder pain after learning about TMS and reading Dr. Sarno's book, Healing Back Pain. The SEProgram will help you, as it did me, to discover emotions I had been repressing since my boyhood.

Your pains began when you were 18. Some things must have happened before that. You need to journal to learn what they were.

I have had hernias... they run in the family. My surgery was successful, but I've read that surgery doesn't always end the pain, and new hernias can come on. In your case, I believe pain continuing in the hernia area is from TMS, repressed emotions or your personality traits. Having the hernia surgery was a good idea and will not interfere with you healing from TMS. You don't have to totally change your personality traits... just modify them. Don't expect so much of yourself.

Fibromyalgia is a term many doctors give to pain they can't otherwise diagnose. You've had the medical checks and nothing structural has been found, so I believe your pains are from TMS, especially since you say you have a TMS personality... probably perfectionism and "goodist," wanting to please everyone. Were those part of your youth? I bet they were.

You have just begun the SEP so I encourage you to keep at it. And believe 100 percent in TMS. That's what it takes to heal. Also think positive. Tell your subconscious that you know your symptoms are from your emotions and they are not structural.

I do suggest that you don't surf the web about any pains. Doctor Google often can be misleading and you may think you have ailments that you really don't. But do read the success stories on this web site. They can give you encouragement.

 

Hi Walt, thanks so much for your response. You do an amazing job at supporting and encouraging people on this forum.

I totally agree with everything you said. I've always been a people pleaser. Making sure everyone else is alright, supporting everyone and trying to sort out peoples problems. Im beginning to realise that I'm paying the price physically for doing so.

Im determined to complete the SEP and focus on journalling. I'm trying to stay positive but as you know it's a tough battle. Ive just put my 2 year old son to bed so I'm off now to complete Day 3.

Thanks again Walt

 

Hi beaumO,

Welcome to the forum. A few good souls follow @ezer 's lantern from darkness to light, and for you his success is an essential touchstone. Be greedy for success stories. The brain is like Velcro for negativity so you do have to counter that tendency by flooding yourself with goodness and wisdom.

I'm sure everyone here has felt as helpless and confused as you do now but I assure you that I, and many other travellers have made great strides in healing from following the sage advice on this forum. All the answers are here although it can take us a while to truly comprehend it all. Go slow, go gently, have faith.

It only feels like a battle in the beginning. Sadly many people cave in and collapse into pain-filled lives so my best advice at this point is to gear-up for the long haul and pace yourself. Modern people just cannot shuck the notion of magic bullet healing, and expect TMS recovery to operate on those same terms. I often see posts where people bemoan that they have been trying to heal for two weeks and are in still in pain...ah well, with experience comes wisdom and the knowing that healing is so much more than a couple of weeks flogging yourself emotionally. It reminds me of folk who join a gym in the New Year and quit before February rolls around.

Speaking of gyms, is there a pool at yours?

Plum x

 

Hi plum, thanks for the welcome and support/guidance.

I'm definitely focusing on success stories such as ezer's to try and counteract my negative thoughts.

It's really encouraging to know that others have walked in my shoes and come out the otherside so to speak. I'm definitely realising that my journey is going to be a marathon and not a sprint and I feel comfortable with that (well so I tell myself). I have to try to stay positive and push through.

A 'battle' is a perfect description. You're completely right about the magic bullet. We expect a tablet or procedure to fix something straight away. Im as guilty as anyone of going down that path. However I'm trying as best as I can to resist the urge. I'm definitely here for the long haul. It's my stubborness/determination haha

No, no pool unfortunately

Thanks, Beau