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Day 1 post

Lexington

Lexington

Peer Supporter
Hi I have never joined a forum in my life but am doing it today out of hope and desperation. I am now 12 weeks into a severe attack of sciatica and leg pain that I am really trying to believe is TMS despite the obvious scan result of herniated disc! I have been signed off work most of that time. It makes so much sense to me but at the moment I feel like I should just be able to will the pain away instantly so I'm frustrated. I have been in bed most of the last 3 days and that hasn't happened before I was always getting up. It coincided with me trying to return to work unsuccessfully for a second time. I went to work OK but was on the floor over the weekend. Obviously an emotional connection right! It became so clear to me how much I hate my job now. It bears no resemblance to the job i qualified to do. I am a teacher and my school has been through the ringer with Ofsted inspectors these last 2 years. I can no longer stand the pressure, guilt and feelings of disempowerment. I have stuffed it down thru run ins with colleagues and managers and seeing people much more stupid than me get promoted and take control in idiotic ways that have nothing to do with supporting children.
On top of this I have had 2 family bereavements this year and another elderly relative has been in hospital, needs more help and showing early dementia signs. I have tried to struggle through and help as much as I can and I also have a seven year old son. Today I feel I can do no more as just going to the toilet is agony. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. I hope there can be a way out. I had to be in a caring role from a young age as my mother was an alcoholic and prescription drug addict so I ran around after her and took care of my brother. Now I see it all happening again. And ironically I am becoming her as I am bed bound and see my son's concern and desire for me to be well. I guess my body is telling me i' m angry at having to be responsible. Is quitting my job a good idea at this point? Any advice appreciated.
 
Hi, Lexington. You have had a rough life so far, but I want to know that sending this post today and starting the Structured Educational Program in TMS has put you on the path toward healing all your symptoms.

A report of a herniated disc is nothing to worry about. It is very common and Dr. Sarno says it rarely causes pain. The pain is from TMS, your subconscious sending pain and anxiety and worry so that you discover the emotional causes of your pain. Journaling in the SEP will help you to discover them, although it looks to me like you already know what they are, from years of caring for others. Also, you are angry about your job and others getting promotion and recognition who do not deserve it.

I would not quit your job if you can possibly keep it. Try to just take the s--t and silently laugh it off.

There are some TMS therapists who offer free advice through this web site. I'll see if I can find more about that.
 
Go to the "Ask a TMS therapist" in the subforum of this web site to contact one who may be able to help advise you. Good luck and don't despair. You are going to be healthy and happy again by believing 100 percent in TMS.
 
Hi Walt thanks so much for your replies. The therapist advice is great news and I didn't know about it. This would be great as I was recently in touch with a trained TMS therapist in London where I live but it's so expensive and I've already spent a lot of money on prescription drugs (that are obviously mostly useless) osteopaths and acupuncture etc. I think you are also right about my job I have rolled with the punches before. I think I was angry and looking for a way to lash out as I have had to change job role and delay the start of a masters degree I really want to do because of all that's been going on. I needed some perspective after 3 sleepless days and nights rolling around with my pain. Hearing from you and starting the course today has made me hopeful for change. Thanks again for the wise advice and I love your dog!
 
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