Day 1 of SEP - I Hope With Everything That This Works!

Today is Day 1 of SEP for me, so here it goes....

My story in many ways began a long time ago, even though I really didn't know it then. I have had symptoms of TMS since about the age of 5, when I first started getting migraines. In my late teens I began to have stomach pain and problems, but no doctor or specialist could find a cause. In my twenties my migraines became chronic and I managed to "get them under control" with medication and regular botox injections. I would get the odd dizzy spell, and the odd other weird symptom, but they would never last for long.

For a while things seemed okay. I was fairly active - I ran, not marathons or anything, but 5-10km. I did bootcamps. Then I got married to a wonderful man. At around this same time I experienced a great deal of loss in my family. At the same time my first son was born. Besides my husband and son, I had no family of my own. I had lost everyone at this point. Despite having an amazing little boy and a wonderful husband, I was plagued with anxiety - would my son be okay? Would I be okay? Would my husband be okay? All of a sudden I had this little person that I was responsible for and the weight on me felt so heavy, and still does. A few months after my son was born, my migraines came became incredibly severe and frequent. I battled migraines almost daily and most days just tried to get through the days, while trying to be the mom I had always wanted to be. Shortly after my son turned one, I became pregnant again. It was all I could do to get through this pregnancy. I was battling almost daily migraines, while trying to care for my young son, my unborn son and trying to keep my career.

Shortly before my second son was born there was more familial loss, even though I didn't think I had more to lose. It was after my youngest son was born that things really went sideways. My migraines escalated, and my low back began to hurt. Everyone I saw for my back said it was because of the two really long labours I endured with both of my boys. I also had pelvic floor pain that no one could explain, numbness in my hands, neck and part of my face, increased vertigo, increased stomach pain and a new one - IBS. I also started to get severe exhaustion. Fun times, for sure.

Within 8 or 9 months of my son being born, my low back pain was almost unbearable, as were my migraines and all of the other fun symptoms I was dealing with. In desperation I had cortisone injections in my back, which ended up causing me to be stuck in bed and off of work for 6+ weeks. My poor husband was left to care for our 2 small children, while working and keeping our household afloat.

Fast forward to today - just over 3 years after my youngest was born. I have had multiple visits with specialists, and multiple tests done. My MRI's are normal, the only abnormality is an extra bone at the bottom of my spine, which apparently is quite common. After years of specialists telling me that everything was normal, I was finally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia this past March. When I was told that I was going to have to just "live with this" and "get more rest" and "take better care of myself", I started searching for more answers. That is when on a google search I came across a name I had never heard before - Dr. John E. Sarno. I read some book reviews on Amazon and figured I had nothing to lose, so I ordered The Mind Body Prescription.

So here I am today - I get Dr. Sarno's theory. I think he is a genius really, and ahead of his time. I wish he was still working so that I could go see him! I see myself in a lot of what he describes. I totally believe that my pain is psychologically based. I have read some of his other books. I have read Alan Gordon's TMS Recovery Program. I've read a lot of the success stories on this forum. With all of this I've seen a slight improvement in my symptoms. But it seems as though it just hasn't fully clicked, as I still have so much pain, and weird new symptoms that still pop up.

I should also say, I grew up in a very dysfunctional and abusive home and so I know that I am of the small percentage of people that Dr. Sarno talks about who require psychotherapy to help recover from the symptoms, and I have been seeing someone for the last 2 and a half years.

Today is day 1 of the SEP program for me and I really hope this helps make something click for me. If anyone out there has any suggestions, I am very open to hearing them!

If you took the time to read this, thank you. It was a bit of a novel

 

Good luck and welcome to this amazing journey

 

Hi, autumn. I also welcome you to the TMSForum and the SEProgram. You had a rough childhood and being a wife and mother of two young children can be two major causes of
pain caused by our emotions. Medical results are that nothing is structurally wrong with you, so the pain is from your emotions. My severe back pain went away when I journaled and realized I was repressing anger and other emotions from my parents divorcing when I was seven. I am confident that if you journal about your young years you will gain a new understanding about your parents and yourself. My pain went away when I was able to mentally forgive my parents, since both had passed on years ago. You may not believe now that you can forgive, but I found that it can happen. It takes 100 percent belief in TMS to heal, and that too can happen.

 

Welcome, Autumn. I, too, and beginning my journey in the SEP program, and am also a mother of two young boys. I can empathize with your pain experiences and am realizing now that so many of mine are/were related to TMS.
It's so hard to find the balances in life, between being a wife, mother, and your individual self! We're pulled in a million different directions, but I'm glad that I have started on this path to a pain-free life, and hope you will also begin to heal.

 

Thanks so much, Saoirse!

 

Thanks Walt! I just began journaling on Day 1, so I'm hoping that this helps me to progress in my journey.

 

Thanks for the encouragement, Beachbum! I think throughout this whole pain experience and trying to manage to be a mother and a wife, I've kind of lost my individual self. I'm looking forward to finding her during this journey . I empathize with your situation too - my boys are 3 and 5. It is such a fun age, but so busy too! I wish you all the best on your journey of healing! I'd love to hear how goes for you.