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Current stressor overload. Help!

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Bhamgirl, Dec 6, 2013.

  1. Bhamgirl

    Bhamgirl Peer Supporter

    Today has been a real crap day (and it's only 12:30). My life, to say the least, is filled with intense stressors that have literally left me breathless. I know that Sarno says that it isn't necessary to remedy the stressors in your life in order to heal, but I'm looking for guidance on how to deal with aspects of my life that seem to be key in making my pain worse. For example, I have a very tumultuous marriage that is a result of several moves (Three!!) in the last year for his job, which ultimately landed us back in his hometown. This is a very bad move for me for numerous reasons, including now living 5 minutes away from my in-laws with whom I have a VERY tension-filled relationship. With that said, my question is this. How do I contend with these factors that are, without a doubt, causing sickness within me? I feel as though I'm trapped in my circumstances, and for that reason, I feel that healing will be impossible. It's very frustrating to work so hard at trying to understand and better yourself when you are surrounded by things that make you very unhappy and suffocated.

    As a side note and additional question, I have sought out therapy and it has been invaluable to me. However, my wonderful therapist is now 4 hours away, and I only get to see her maybe once a month. But here's the question: she is primarily a cognitive behavioral therapist and I know that Sarno states he doesn't believe this type of therapy is beneficial for TMS. Thoughts? Am I wasting my time and money on CBT? I personally feel I get a great deal of help from the sessions, but if it's not getting to the root cause of my TMS, what's a girl to do?

    Thanks in advance!
     
  2. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    I'm no expert in cognitive behavior but if you've been feeling it has been helpful, maybe find another CB therapist closer to you.
    Dr Sarno may be right, but not everyone is the same so it may work for you, as it seems to. Or can you arrange to have telephone or
    email talk sessions with your therapist?

    It sure does sound like the move back close to your in-laws is causing your pain. Your husband should be sensitive to this situation
    and understand if you only want to see his folks once in a while. Don't go near the lions' cage if you can. Even imagine they're
    not nearby but on the moon.
     
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  3. Bhamgirl

    Bhamgirl Peer Supporter

    Thank you, Walt. I wish it was as easy as not having to see them much, but they are a stubborn lot and my father in law loves to just drop in. I literally feel my blood pressure rise when this happens! I'm going to talk to my therapist in Birmingham, and see if she would consider Skype sessions or something. Anything is better than nothing, and I have had zero luck finding a good therapist down here who takes our insurance. That alone is stressful!
     
  4. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Your father-in-law needs to be taught the basics of etiquette.
    Even my best friend told me once never to just come to his house without calling first to ask if he and his wife wanted me or anyone to visit.
    I did what he asked and it was no problem. Since then I've hated it when the doorbell rings and someone's there that I didn't expect.

    I wish I had a solution to your problem but if someone comes over unexpected, maybe just say you're about to leave on an urgent mission
    or about to take a shower. Then say p"Please call first next time. " If he can't handle that, too bad for him.
     
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  5. Ruth_L

    Ruth_L Peer Supporter

    Hi Bhamgirl,

    These are my possible suggestions ....take them with a grain of salt or throw them out if you don't like them.

    Therapy - if you like your therapist, you could most likely do your therapy via telephone, I did for a long time.

    You can do some deep work yourself too, here, see the Alan Gordon sub-forum & the SEP (Structured) sub-forum. In fact, I have started myself there, and it's amazing how much better I am feeling with my issues.

    Edit: Also, what Walt says about getting people out of your hair "
    I wish I had a solution to your problem but if someone comes over unexpected, maybe just say you're about to leave on an urgent mission
    or about to take a shower. Then say p"Please call first next time. " If he can't handle that, too bad for him." - totally excellent, say it with inner peace.

    Sending you good energy

    You can't do anything about things not under your control. Have you looked up any or read any Zen books? They have always helped me in the past and give me an inner peace. Also yoga is totally helpful. Remember your inner peace is important.

    TGC, namaste.
     
  6. Bhamgirl

    Bhamgirl Peer Supporter

    Thanks, Ruth. Could you recommend some good Zen books? What have you found most helpful?
     
  7. Ruth_L

    Ruth_L Peer Supporter

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  8. nancy

    nancy Well known member

    I had those problems for many years, please follow all the advice above. Stand up for
    yourself, I never did and I am TMS'ing because of my ignorance and not loving myself
    for years. Please just say "NO", with loving thoughts, Nancy
     
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