Hi there, I haven't posted in a long time. It was a little over a year ago that I began on my TMS healing journey. There really isn't a day when TMS doesn't try to trick me in some way and I am relieved to mostly know it is TMS and it subsides. I have had a recent flare-up of low back, hip, and knee pain. It will sit on one side, coming and going, sometimes intensifying and then going away. So my usual methods aren't working on this area. This past year, TMS has led me to face my feelings, journal, and dive deep into healing what is psychological and not physical. When I began writing on this forum I was off work, in too much pain to continue on. Emotionally, I was breaking down. I recently learned I was experiencing emotional flashbacks by reading Pete Walkers book Complex PTSD from Surviving to Thriving. Since The reading of the book my TMS has flared up in the low back, hip and knee. I finally feel like I am getting to the root of things now, emotionally speaking. It is extremely challenging to face it all and yet a relief to finally understand my entire life of surviving and trying so damn hard to be a good person and prove my worth. It is like the puzzle pieces have finally come together of how I came to be coping and surviving. Now, with the recent TMS flare-up I know of course my CPTSD and TMS are entwined, TMS attempting to protect me and help me avoid the trauma. Now for the questions... 1. Are there any TMS authors or programs that speak of CPTSD? 2. Any other "survivors" of CPTSD out there in this forum? Most of all, I have not found a safe place to talk about any of this as I have found talking about TMS with people in my community is like a literal people repellor. People seem to really struggle with this concept! Also, talking about CPTSD? It is another people repellor. My professional background is a teacher and then transitioned to a counsellor. All I trained in did nothing to prepare me for TMS or CPTSD. This realization now shocks me, how could a trained counsellor not know any of this? I was a fairly newly trained counsellor. (5 years working) My job was to work with parents and the government for Child protection. Working in the area of Child Abuse was very painful for me. This is when my TMS developed and literally took me to a place where I could not continue working due to pain. The counsellors in my area have very little understanding of anything I have been researching this past year. Which leads me to another confession. This past week I had a job interview to return to Counselling (for women & violence) and the nightmares, flashbacks and TMS all flared up. Honestly, I thought all this growing, learning and healing I have been doing have led me to be strong enough to return to work. I feel like I have so many more tools in my Counselling bag. I even feel called to help people who have been through what I have. It seems like my CPTSD and TMS do not agree and does not feel support the idea of counselling again. This creates within me a conflict, a struggle, as I try to move forward. I have rambled a lot here and yet I know I need to get it all out and find some humans that understand in some way. Thanks for reading.