Confusion - to feel or not to feel?

[PedMonzo]

Hi all,

I'm new to the forum, and it seems like a great resource for those of us struggling with chronic pain and nervous system troubles. I've been trying to make sense of this stuff for a long time now, but I must admit to finding it all very bewildering. One thing which trips me up are the apparent contradictions, and I wondered if I could get some advice on how to resolve one in particular which sends me into a real spin.

Some therapists suggest that our pain is ongoing because we're not addressing underlying anger/rage issues, so we need to get in touch with these hidden emotions in order to process and release them. But I've also read and heard time and time again that if we approach our pain with frustration or anger it will make it worse!! What gives? This is incredibly confusing to me.

I feel frustrated and irritable a lot of the time (especially due to chronic sleep deprivation), and never know if I'm supposed to be diving more deeply into these feelings, or refocusing on something else.

I really feel like I'm being told that I need to do two opposing things in order to get better. Could anyone help?

 

[Cactusflower]

Hi @PedMonzo
Welcome to the forum! You can be absolutely angry at your pain, and frustrated with it at times - but you FEEL these emotions by recognizing them for what they are and letting them pass through the body. It's completely different than holding on to them, ruminating over them, and letting the emotion become a state of mind that clouds all other emotion. Anger and fear can do exactly the same things to people - they stick around and make it harder to get "under" them to truly find out what is bugging you. Most likely, the current anger and frustration at symptoms is simply a sign that you tend have anger you are holding on to in other areas that you don't even recognize or don't want to admit to yourself. These are difficult emotions, and it's what the brain is trying to protect you from. OK, again that sounds confusing because why then are we angry now if the brain is protecting us from anger....because it's SAFE to be pissed off at your pain, but it might not feel "safe" or reasonable, or justifiable to eg. be pissed off at your brand new baby girl who's just turned your life upside down in ways you simply did not expect. You love her to pieces but MAN, her waking up 5 times a night screaming and you have to be at work at 6am and your hours are long, and they pressure you to make sales, and you pressure yourself to be the best sales guy (or girl) so you can support your new baby... and....you are simply "supposed" to love your kid and everything is "supposed" to be all rainbows and fairies.
Dr. Hanscom has written quite a bit about "angry" people - people who's anger clouds almost all other parts of their life, so much so that they are stuck pretty much everywhere in life. He was one of those people.
My suggestion is to simply stop when you feel in your mind, and drop into your body and FEEL in your body what annoyed feels like. That is how we "feel" our emotions. It can take a lot of practice, especially if our personalities are ones where we tend to think a lot and get caught up in stories about these emotions. Just pause, it usually takes only a minute or two and sense the energy, and let it just pass. When you begin to recognize that the emotions pass quickly, you become so less attached to them. Then you simply go on about your business. This process doesn't have to be perfect, just try it a few times this week and see what happens. Just observe it all, be curious.