Computer & phone screens - TMS or eyes & astigmatism?

zclesa

zclesa

Well known member
I have been having a really hard time with reading on computer and phone screens for years. This is probably the number 1 thing preventing me from moving on with life.

Despite using fl.ux and turning screen brightness down, it is uncomfortable to look at screens. It is 100 times worse when trying to read something. Guaranteed tension headache and jaw tension after a while.

I notice that I sort of both wince away from the brightness and also open my eyes really wide to focus on the screen. So this combination is probably what causes symptoms. I do this because I feel like reading on the screen is like having a bright light close to my face shining directly in my eyes while trying to read if that makes sense.

Now, I have always been long-sighted, but never actually struggled with close-up reading most of my life. I have never worn or needed glasses either.

I was diagnosed with astigmatism a few years back, but I don't need glasses for daily life. I only notice it when trying to read tiny text on packets. When reading books, I notice the text is a little blurry, but manageable.

So. I'm wondering if this whole issue is really due to astigmatism more than anything else. But then, I never had astigmatism before, so why now? I'm 45. But I read that astigmatism is supposed to be from childhood, and you can't "acquire" it.

I read a bit of Dr Bates' work, and he says the reason people have vision issues is because they are "straining" to look rather than relaxing to see. I am definitely doing that on computers.

I do have some glasses sitting in a drawer from when I got my prescription. I am wondering whether to get a "computer glasses" tint on them and try to do that when using the computer for reading, if only to train my eyes to relax more.

I successfully used sunglasses strategically when I first started trying to get my life back as I had dizziness and light sensitivity, particularly in busy environments and under fluorescent lights. They enabled me to train myself to get back out and about again. Now, I have them in my bag but use them once in a blue moon. But they were essential at the beginning so that my body didn't completely freak out. I'm wondering whether to try the same strategy with "computer astigmatism glasses".

Any input? Thanks.
 
There are a few threads that address similar vision issues that I recommend you have a read of: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/long-time-tms-sufferer-curious-about-new-old-issue-with-eyes.28855/

@JanAtheCPA has a fantastic response in the linked thread which applies to what you have described here. Basically that this is your brain on TMS - how do I know? Because you have used your time mostly to talk about physical symptoms and diagnosis - your brain is completely fixated on your eyes. That screams out FEAR and the classical TMS OCD.

In addition, hypersensitivity to benign triggers e.g. screens, florescent lights, busy environments is one of the ways to diagnose TMS after ruling out anything serious structurally.

zclesa said:
So. I'm wondering if this whole issue is really due to astigmatism more than anything else. But then, I never had astigmatism before, so why now? I'm 45. But I read that astigmatism is supposed to be from childhood, and you can't "acquire" it.
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This is a key part - you can't acquire astigmatism but tension can change the shape of your eye. It is a particularly sneaky and effective way that TMS can grab your attention and keep you in the symptom loop.

Dr Sarno is insistent on dropping physical aids and exercises specifically for TMS symptoms -> they will merely perpetuate the idea that something is pathologically wrong with your eyes. As @JanAtheCPA said in her post, "Get checked out if you have to (you did) and then go back to THE mantra, to be repeated whenever you find yourself obsessing over physical details, which is "Think Psychologically, Not Physically."

However, if you are just using the sunglasses to feel safe and not get caught in anxiety with the knowledge that they aren't doing anything physical than use them as you want. It is exactly the same as taking a paracetamol for a tension headache - I know that it isn't dealing with the cause but the act of self-care tends to calm my NS down and the symptoms disappear. We have to be careful with these and understand our intention behind them because it is easy to get caught in the physical paradigm.
 
zclesa said:
Despite using fl.ux and turning screen brightness down, it is uncomfortable to look at screens. It is 100 times worse when trying to read something. Guaranteed tension headache and jaw tension after a while.
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I want to encourage you...TMS is focused on my eyes (not that it doesn't have fun with tons of other symptoms for me, too!) and for a long time I thought I'd never read again. I have been working on reading specifically lately and I'm starting to have exceptions where reading feels enjoyable again...also the computer...you can experience this, too! TMS/anxiety can create all sorts of wacky eye symptoms and sensations -- I mean the whole gamut -- and you CAN heal from them!
 
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Thanks @mrefreddyg. I do understand the not tolerating screen brightness is clearly TMS. But wasn't sure about my actual vision. So basically my "acquired astigmatism" is due to tension.

But I think the not tolerating screen brightness might just be a conditioned thing now. Because I'm on holiday at the moment with zero worries and zero symptoms (I get different symptoms on and off at home depending on what's going on). But, whenever I use the computer, even here, my eyes feel bad, and if using for too long, I will feel bad for a long time afterwards as well.

Maybe I'll try the glasses just to help my eyes to relax then, like some self-care. And keep working on better behaviours so I am generating less inner tension.
 
@diane2530 I do have issues reading books as well, but can manage it. The text is not crystal clear, but I can read it. I can definitely see text more sharply through the glasses he gave me.

My mum is long-sighted too and always holds a book quite far away from her to read. I'm probably similar. I have always seen very well at long distances. I can read road signs really far away. I think both my dad and mum have reading glasses. I've never even had to think about my eyes before, so this is why I'm asking on here. I have never done, and have never had to do, routine optometry appointments, as I had no problems with my eyes at all up until my early 40s.

Reading off paper never causes the huge levels of discomfort that reading on my laptop does. So, I am not as bothered about it as I am about reading on screens. I love reading, so I have not let it stop me.

I do have blurry vision sometimes as part of the rest of my TMS stuff. And I know it's caused by muscle tension in my face because if I press my fingers hard on my forehead, it clears.

I just don't know if I'm exacerbating that tension by trying to read things without glasses as well when I might need them, if you see what I mean.

It's all a bit confusing really.
 
zclesa said:
I just don't know if I'm exacerbating that tension by trying to read things without glasses as well when I might need them, if you see what I mean.
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Totally get it. Try it both ways -- do what's more comfortable. It's normal to need glasses for reading in your 40's. It may be that not using the glasses exacerbates the straining -- i.e. that you *can* read/do screens without them, but it increases the tension because it's a bit harder to focus at 45 than before. And then the TMS doubles down on that tension. You really enjoy reading books so you're willing to relax a little more while doing it -- you don't mind if it's a bit fuzzy, you're not as worried, you're still gonna do it and enjoy it. So the TMS has less power there. With screens, you're working harder because you're stressed. TMS grabs you there.
 
I've been really interested to see a number of my friends freaking out when presbyopia (need for reading glasses) hits. I definitely had a huge freakout myself but that was in large part because I was misdiagnosed and mistreated and...well, already had TMS without knowing it and so had a major explosion of it from which I am now slowly recovering, 6 months in.
But I am now noticing people freaking out about it simply because they don't know what it is or they've never had eye problems and all of a sudden thing are happening...but it's a normal part of middle age and really no big deal. It strikes me as kind of like when a girl gets her period without anyone ever having told her about it before...she thinks she's dying but actually it's normal and everything's going to be all right!
I have one friend whose husband currently thinks he may have a brain tumor because he is having trouble with blurriness and accommodation at 43 and it's not getting any better on its own...he 100% just needs reading glasses but since he's never needed glasses before...I look forward to when he finally gets the glasses :)
 
Thanks @diane2530. I'll try reading with the glasses when I get home from hols and see if that makes things easier.

Yeah, it's interesting how this ties into my whole background really. I was devastated when I got my period as a young girl. I think a lot of my TMS stuff stems from being emotionally unsupported as a child. Like, my mum left a leaflet in my room about periods. She didn't even hand it to me. I just found it there. She never talked to me about, nor gave me support, through any aging milestones, not through anything really.

I literally didn't even know until now that it is normal for eyesight to deteriorate in your 40s. My mum never talked to me about things like that. If I ever asked her "why" questions she didn't feel like answering, she'd just say "that's why." I grew up hyperindependent and hungry to learn things for myself because of that childhood. But also, naive to normal life, normal (average) standards, normal balanced relations, boundaries.

I have lived my life out of balance for a long time because I had no idea what it was. Ironic that my first major symptoms of TMS were balance issues, dizziness, vertigo etc. Very symbolic.

And this is where I also struggle with the TMS stuff. I'm either researching it for hours, writing out every single thing that's wrong with me psychologically and behaviourally that I need to fix, trying a hundred different therapies and techniques. Or doing nothing. Doing nothing has actually been more effective. But the computer/vision thing has really meant I can't even try getting back to work. So, this is where I wanted some clarity and help from the forum.

Thanks for your help :)
 
I will never forget the day that my fit and active, outdoorsy "power through anything" husband came home from Costco with a three-pack of reading glasses (he'd already been borrowing mine) because it was a clear sign that we had officially entered middle age. I joked outwardly, but there was that part of my brain repressing this new layer of fear, 15 years before I knew anything about TMS.
 
@JanAtheCPA always nice to hear from you. I don't think 45 is middle age for me. I did a lot of hard living ;) I think 30 was middle age, maybe 35. I remember ruining my 29th year because I was so concerned about turning 30 and being "old". Luckily, I look much younger than I am. I expect I will have another freakout when my age really starts to show.
 
Ok just a little update. I got home and had a full check at the optician's yesterday. Apparently, my normal long-sightedness has increased by double since the last check. I was actually surprised that this was causing such issues with reading because I suppose, I always considered myself to have really good vision because I could read things far away that others can't. Shows what I know. Apparently, long-sightedness increases the risk of presbyopia starting earlier, which actually makes sense when I think about it. If I've always been better at reading things further away rather than closer, why wouldn't close reading be even harder now? Duh.

I do have astigmatism, but apparently, I am unlikely to have even noticed it until the presbyopia started occurring, and that's why I was never diagnosed nor bothered by it because I never struggled to read anything before. The optician said I don't necessarily need astigmatism correction unless I want to drive (I don't) or become a jet pilot (probably not at this stage). :) But he said I should have prescription glasses for elbow to arm's length stuff. So, reading books, laptops, phone screens, and needlework (I can't actually see to thread a needle now).

He's also going to put a mild blue tint on them to help with the computer. While I'm sure the screen sensitivity is part of TMS, I'm hoping it will help train my eyes to relax a bit more. It can't hurt. They use the same thing for dyslexics to reduce visual stress and overstimulation. I am certainly not against anything that reduces stress and overstimulation, physical or mental. We live in a world of overstimulation now, like it or not.

I am one of those people who now turns my phone to silent when I don't want to be bothered and I limit the amount of apps that can push notifications on my phone. I do not like to be in a constant state of expecting "pinging". It feels like a background stress that I don't want in my life. I do not always want to be "on" and available 24/7 to people. I think perhaps this could be part of the reason TMS picked on screen sensitivity. I used to be a workaholic, always there for everyone, never taking a break, putting everyone else first. And the advent of mobiles worsened it. I am reforming myself.

So, I am looking forward to picking up my new glasses. And relaxing and taking time for myself even more.

Conclusion: TMS and not TMS. I'm posting this so that anyone who comes across this thread who is 40ish and over doesn't make the mistake I did of treating absolutely everything as a result of TMS. Presbyopia is not TMS. Get your eyes checked!
 
This is good @zclesa . Presbyopia is normal but scary if you don't know about it. Now that you have what you need for the presbyopia, you'll know that any symptoms that continue are TMS. Glad you attended to this!
 
“Get your eyes checked!”
And to your preventative medical stuff if you are able! I pick and choose what I participate in that is preventative.

I have had an increase in my symptoms lately. Felt it was a flare but my PT thinks it’s just my body reacting to a change in vision. I had 2 headaches (unusual for me) and so decided to get my eyes checked, lo and behold, some major changes.
As my PT puts it, when your nervous system is activated for a prolonged period for any reason, many things, like glasses, hearing aids etc can keep stimulating it. It’s sensing any “danger”. So I get new glasses and keep the old, and work into the new gradually. I also had my lens types separated to single vision for now. Eventually back to progressives if my body says yes.
The key is to deal with any heavy emotional stuff due to aging and or changing and to recognize all of this is normal.
@dlane2530 hopefully over time this helps your nervous system regulate!
 
Cactusflower said:
“Get your eyes checked!”
And to your preventative medical stuff if you are able! I pick and choose what I participate in that is preventative.

I have had an increase in my symptoms lately. Felt it was a flare but my PT thinks it’s just my body reacting to a change in vision. I had 2 headaches (unusual for me) and so decided to get my eyes checked, lo and behold, some major changes.
As my PT puts it, when your nervous system is activated for a prolonged period for any reason, many things, like glasses, hearing aids etc can keep stimulating it. It’s sensing any “danger”. So I get new glasses and keep the old, and work into the new gradually. I also had my lens types separated to single vision for now. Eventually back to progressives if my body says yes.
The key is to deal with any heavy emotional stuff due to aging and or changing and to recognize all of this is normal.
@dlane2530 hopefully over time this helps your nervous system regulate!
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Absolutely! So glad you were able to get your eyes checked.
A bad prescription can put a lot of stress on the nervous system. I believe the mismanagement of my presbyopia contributed tremendously to my anxiety and mind-body symptom crisis in the first months of this year.
Now I am feeling quite nearly used to my progressives and I'm actually really starting to like them. But it took me longer than it takes most people, I think because my nervous system is so worked up and I am so sensitized. So, two months for me...and I still have a ton of tension around my face where my glasses touch because of TMS/ sensitization. That tension tires my eyes as well as my face. And of course, anxiety still gives me some visual symptoms.
I will have to work on that for a while but I am sure it will dissipate over time with this wonderful new way of understanding my sensations that I am learning from the "work."
But truly, as long as the glasses were in fact putting stress on my eyes I was limited as to how far I could get with managing my anxiety. The anxiety was telling me there was something wrong because there was something wrong.
But now there is not, and there has not been for a while now. And the thing wrong was not my EYES, but my GLASSES. So -- TMS got a good hold. Although now I understand that I've had mind-body pain for decades.
So, on my good days I am feeling grateful for this opportunity to learn.
 
You are correct.
Glasses are not necessarily the answer for TMS vision symptoms, but they can contribute to the overall reduction of symptoms if you are "doing the work"!
 
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