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Compromised and Confused

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by billiewells, Nov 20, 2015.

  1. billiewells

    billiewells Peer Supporter

    I am new to this TMS process and getting very confused by it all. I don't feel ready to explain all of my story, but there are elements of my story which it would be helpful to share, in the hope that someone on here will be able to relate to it and alleviate my isolation.

    I must emphasize that pree leg issues I was a chronic anxiety sufferer with agoraphobic tendencies. Whilst I had a back issue 10 years ago I was free of any such issue subsequently. Three years ago after a nasty bout of Labyrinthitis followed by a series of personal traumas, I started to walk with a stiff leg. I must point out at this juncture that I had always been very practical, very capable and could build/paint.

    My anxiety increased when I was dumped unceremoniously, practically at the altar, and I sought physio help for my leg. I managed to get to the therapists and do my sessions but emotionally I was a mess. Three years on I am in a dreadful state. The physio stopped working, my anxiety increased and my agoraphobia has become acute. Whilst I have been seen at home by a neurologist, I have never been able to get an MRI. All the indications are that the problem is muscle weakness due to altered gait, but it has got to the point that I almost have dropfoot. It is impossible for me to get to the hospital and I am sure my issues are psychological anyway.

    From using a stick to pull y leg along, I now have a frozen shoulder. I try and try to do the exercises to strengthen my muscles but nothing works. I have weakness, general lack of condition, the frozen shoulder is also causing weakness in my right hand too. It feels as if the harder I try, the worse I get and lie awake at night wondering if my next step is a wheelchair. Deep down I am sure this is all emotional, but I haven't heard any other folk on here who were already suffering from anxiety before TMS, just folk who had a back pain and then developed or recognised their anxiety. I am starting TMS therapy but I feel like I am going round in circles, one moment I think TMS is the answer, next minute I don't. When my partner left, I was left in a very rural environment which of course has made accessing any support very difficult, although believe me I have tried.

    As Christmas approaches I can not bear another three years of this existence. I am reaching out to anyone who can relate to the odd gait, the weakness, the problem with exercise, (harder I try the more impossible it is) to give me some sense that I am on the right track and can be positive,

    Thank you for your time, if you have made it to the end of my scribblings, I know I have been inconcise and rambled a lot.
  2. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Billiewells. Believe me, a lot of people post about back and leg pain, but also a lot post about about anxiety, and some say they have agoraphobic tendencies. I did too, some years ago, before I knew about TMS.

    I highly recommend you read the books of Dr. Claire Weeks such as Hope and Help for Your Nerves and also Simple Effective Treatment of Agoraphobia.

    The main thing is, remember that your anxiety is all in your head. I know that sounds simplistic, but it is. I know from experience.

    You had a major emotional downer when you were jilted. Try to tell yourself it was not meant to be and you were actually lucky he left you. He could have done it better, of course.

    Don't fear that you will be in a wheelchair. Instead think very positive, that TMS knowledge is the penicillin that is going to heal you and make you healthier and happier than you ever imagined.

    You are here among friends in the TMS community.
    billiewells likes this.
  3. MWsunin12

    MWsunin12 Beloved Grand Eagle


    Many, many people on this forum have anxiety related issues.
    You know who gets anxiety? Sensitive people. That means you need to be super kind to yourself.
    You've been betrayed by someone you thought you would spend your life with. That stinks. Maybe you need to cry and yell for a couple days straight.
    I think you have a deep feeling that your pain is emotionally related. Sometimes I just talk to my emotions. I tell myself, "I'm sorry." and "You're safe." Think of it this way: despite your trauma, you are still safe. You are managing to take care of yourself. You are functioning.
    Now, be kind to yourself by trusting that you'll improve day to day if you let yourself experience your emotions. Somedays you may take three steps back, but you'll move forward if you don't panic about it. Kindness to yourself is key.

    best wishes.
  4. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi billiewells,

    Listening to your story, it sounds like you have TMS to me. The downward spiral, the trying one thing and it only makes it worse...only to compensate or try another way, and it worsens more.

    Anxiety and fear go hand in hand with TMS. Everything you say says to me "TMS." Getting TMS therapy is a smart way to go, and a good way to treat yourself. I am not sure what else you are doing but there is the SEP here
    and Alan Gordon's program here, both for free.

    Part of what you are looking for is a similar story to yours, with the correlating order of symptoms like agoraphobia, anxiety, etc. With so much suffering and failed efforts, there is fear. In the fear we want re-assurance that we're on the right path. I've been here too. Let me tell you that you're on the right path.

    Andy B.
    billiewells likes this.
  5. billiewells

    billiewells Peer Supporter

    thank you for your kind words, this forum is a lifeline for me. The emotional drama happened 3 years ago and the physical poo has ramped up ever since. I find it hard to be kind because I want my body to work so that I can get my life back. TMS I hope is the key to me doing that

  6. billiewells

    billiewells Peer Supporter

    Thank you Andy, you have got the picture perfectly. Bewildered, overwhelmed, fearful, very very sad and a little desperate. I am finding it impossible to let time pass - more time. I'm not sure if doing TMS therapy (by Skype because I am in the UK) and the two programmes on here is appropriate or not. What do you think? I do need to hear other similar stories and resolutions. Were you saying that your own circumstances were similar?
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2015
  7. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Whether you are doing TMS therapy or not, these programs are recommended. Or doing journaling, creating your own daily Sarno practices. This is needed. Forest made a list here, taken from Dr. Sarno's books:


    My story is here.

    What rings true is the "ever searching and never finding as things get worse." I think Forest, who created this place said that he had pain in his wrists from typing, and then when he found a voice activated typing program to relieve wrist pain, his voice left him!! That's what I mean...
  8. billiewells

    billiewells Peer Supporter

    Ok Andy, thank you

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