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Day 1 Clinging on to hope

Hopeful917

Hopeful917

New Member
I've always been the type to hide my weakness and strive for perfection. When things to do my way, I'm usually down and ill. It's been a pattern in my life. I take time off work to get a break but when I return, I have my episodes of pain; fainting, pancreatitis, and back pain to name a few.
I've been experiencing sciatic nerve pain since thanksgiving 2013. The pain wasn't crippling until about three weeks ago. I've been bed ridden since end of January. To make matters worse, I'm 14 weeks pregnant as of today. The pain has been relentless. I've had sciatic pain before but never this bad, never this long.
As I've read Dr. Sarno's book I'm beginning to think that I am fearing the changes in my life to come. I'm 30 years old, I'm happily married to the most wonderful husband but a child will definitely change things in my life. I've always said seeing my husband become a dad is more important than becoming a mom myself. I'm scared that things might not go right. That all the pain medicine I've been on for the last two months will have an ill-effect on my baby.
I want to throw away all the anxiety and fear and not let my mind dictate how much pain I'm feeling. Living without TMS means enjoying my pregnancy, living life, and being happy again.
 
Thank you for the well wishes, chrisami! I just had a dream of complete healing. In my dream, I was running around the house that I no longer felt any pain in my leg. It was wonderful.
I wish you the best on your journey to complete healing!
 
Welcome Hopeful. I just completed Day 14. I'm trying not to count days, though my impatient "I want what I want now" self has been flaring up recently and I have been getting frustrated with the pain. Why won't it just go away like some others claim it has for them. I feel for you - I remember when I was bed ridden. It was horrible. I hope this forum helps you and you're able to ease your stressors so your little one can continue to grow and be welcomed into a joyous, pain free home. Feel free to use this as a space to self-express. I have found it really helpful.
 
When I read The Divided Mind I knew something was going on. I felt a slight relief in pain. Man is that weird to read a book and feel a slight relief in pain. It was not an easy book to read. My physical therapists asked me to read the book. I called her and said I got to stop seeing yu... she knew.

Everyone recovers at their own pace. 16 months later I still have numerous symptoms; leg cramps, shin splints, the black cloud floating in and out of my head, IT band pain, bladder pain, etc. They are all a warning bell that my perfectionism, terrible fear of disappointing others, beating myself up for the slightest flaw, fear of failure, fear od rejection and others are controlling my thoughts and actions, and of course the "rage." I can say rage now but coudn't in the begnning.

Each of you are going on an amazing journey of learning about yourself. Welcome. I am in Kansas City and would be happy to meet with anyone close to my area.
 
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