I just wanted to share something that was brought to the surface during my therapy session yesterday. I presume many of us have had less than an ideal childhood. Mine was particularly chaotic and unpredictable. My adult life has also been on the hectic and crazy side. I have often looked at my friends that were able to somehow enjoy a less dramatic and conflicted life and been a little envious. I felt that somehow I was creating the drama, the conflict, it was just part of who I was. I have always said with pride "I am good in a crisis." Of course I am, I was raised in one crisis after another. Well, what my therapist pointed out was that although I am drawn to chaos because that is what is familiar, I do not create the chaos. I have been drawn to it and then spent my life mediating the consequences. This perhaps will only make meaningful sense to others who have been blaming themselves for all the drama and chaos in their lives. It is important for me because I can now consciously learn how to be calm and settled. It is going to take work because I don't know what calm and secure feels like. And hopefully then it will feel good to be in my body!