Adam, I wanted to ask—since my pain has been following a similar path to yours and the upper ends (like 8 to 10) have really dropped off, are you ever truly pain-free, or do your symptoms still flare up during high-stress times like this?Both massive pieces of progress! It happened like that for me also, the upper ends of the pain scale were removed, even though I still had consistent symptoms - I'm excited for you that it's following a similar path for you
Thank you so much for sharing that. I find it so difficult to relax and not worry about things too—I'm someone who needs order, needs to be prepared, and likes to try to predict the future. Our minds are so wired to stress about things that haven't even happened, and I know I do that a lot.
. I'm reading unlearn your pain and Hope and help for your nerves right now. I find that reading about the mind body connection and success stories really help when Im struggling. I feel like the education piece has been HUGE for me. My mind likes to know why, very curious.
Thanks for sharing that.So I would say my baseline is essentially a 0 or a 1 - I say a 1 because at my injury site there's still like this sort of pressure feeling, it's not painful, as if you were to lightly pinch your skin. When I get distracted with life I don't notice it or think about it, but I can find it if I do.
I don't even consider them flares but it can increase to about a 3 when I'm stressed, but I want to preface that by saying it's when I'm stressed and guilt/shame are involved (something I'm still working on). If I'm stressed without those being involved, it doesn't have any impact. Physical movement and positions have absolutely no impact on symptoms whatsoever. I can run, sit, walk, lift weights - it doesn't do anything anymore.
I've probably had two "flares" in the last 2 years (so one each year) where the pain might have jumped to a 6 (and that only lasted a day or two - this occurred where the guilt/shame were really ramped up - I don't see a 6/10 or higher anymore otherwise) - otherwise I live between a 0 and a 3 99% of the time
I don't want that to limit you though, keep in mind that I work on this field, so if attention is a part of it then I'm thinking about TMS in some capacity almost every hour of the day. I don't think that will necessarily stop my progress, but if you were creating ideal conditions to heal the remaining portion and you had a choice between coaching and not, I'd probably choose the latter (but it's not bad enough for me to be too bothered).
I did had a profound realization recently, and I never thought I had shame. However, while working through the book "Rewire your Mind" and looking closely at my daily reactions, I realized something huge. So many of my reactions—whether it's dealing with a frustrating phone call, a store clerk, or feeling dismissed—are wrapped up in intense frustration. But I'm starting to see that perhaps my frustration has been acting like a shield, hiding the deep shame underneath: the old, painful wound of not being heard, of being disrespected, or feeling completely invisible. Seeing this shield for what it is has been a huge eye-opener for me. Is the frustration I often feel, really just shame? I never really saw it as that until I started looking at my daily reactions. Do you think I am still reacting from those deep childhood wounds, even though I'm a grown adult? Because whenever I feel that frustration, my body flares up in pain, especially my right side.
Thank you so much for your insight.Highly likely, it's very common and most of us do so to an extent.
To me it is probably hiding the intense sadness and grief at a core - holding your inner child and allowing her to feel that without self-judgment and shame I think is key. By pushing those feelings away, you probably (subconsciously) blamed yourself and internally just thought "well I deserved that because of who I am" but now that you are appreciating that as a lie - you didn't deserve that and you deserved better - you can allow those feelings with self-compassion and make different decisions in the present day to the best of your ability
I am so sorry you're going through all of this. It's so difficult and overwhelming. I wish there were easy answers but there's not. It's especially hard when you're in pain too and trying to deal with all of this. Sometimes, like today, I almost regret looking back on childhood issues, old hurts because I find myself hurting more. MY husband never understood and still doesn't, how difficult these last 2+ years have been for me. He's now in rehab but said to me on the phone yesterday "well, I guess, out of sight, out of mind" I guess to add more guilt on me because the rehab is a distance away. I have been setting my boundaries with him. Do you find when you do this TMS work, that your pain spikes, especially if you deal with guilt and many mixed feelings? I"m fairly new to all of this and it's been hard looking at old wounds, I never knew cut this deep.
All it took for me was looking at "reactions" and it brought up so much stuff from childhood. I guess I too, look for explanations for what drives the pain, hoping once I understand it, the pain will go away. But my pain has lessened, from doing all this work. However, opening up and acknowledging those deep wounds, flares up my pain worse than what it usually is. It's difficult, painful work, for sure. AS for my husband, I know he's stressed and worried if he will ever walk again, especially now he's got a cracked pelvis, on top of all his other problems. I try not to be mean or cruel but the uncertainty of everything does wear on me. I"m glad you reached out. It helps to know that others understand what I and others are going through with this TMS. it's definitely not for the faint hearted, especially when you look at painful memories. I went and did some things around the house this afternoon, so I'm not sitting here, stressing over the pain.
IT took a little time but yes, it does solidify my belief that I am dealing with TMS.
Oh the games people play... he's so "out of sight and out of mind" that you were talking to him on the phone! Hardly your fault that the rehab facility is quite a distance away. And you're allowed to try and switch off from troubles! I know he's suffering and entitled to feel sorry for himself, but from what you've mentioned about him from before he got ill, it sounds like your husband generally lacks empathy -- Would you say that's correct? And maybe he lays on the charm with other people? And perhaps he gaslights and makes out that everything is your fault and never his? I'm not saying that he's necessarily a narcissist or sociopath - I don't know him - but that kind of behaviour can be indicative of it. And I have to say that it certainly helped me mentally in my difficult dealings with my mother when it finally dawned on me that she was actually a narcissist. It gives you a totally different perspective on things.