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can somebody please explain how this character trait can lead to TMS?

F

feder

New Member
In Monte Heuftle's book, he says this about this character trait:
  • Judging: Monte argues that by judging people, one is seeking to ignore their own feelings and present situation. By focusing on someone's faults one is repressing how they feel about themselves and not expressing their own emotions.
I'm not really sure what this means, and it seems important for my own healing. I do not identify with so many of the character traits of typical TMS-ers, though I most definitely suffer from it; but this one gave me pause. I am aware that I can be judgmental, and I'm no really understanding what he's saying about it. Can anyone speak aobu this at all? How is judging someone else repressing my own feelings? Any examples of this?
 
Here is an excellent explanation of how we judge others, by not seeing our own truths, only the persona we identify with or the image of self we have created: https://markmanson.net/how-we-judge-others

I would urge you to look at the TMS described personality traits through the same lens and then see how you might identify with some of them.
 
Cactusflower said:
Here is an excellent explanation of how we judge others, by not seeing our own truths, only the persona we identify with or the image of self we have created: https://markmanson.net/how-we-judge-others

I would urge you to look at the TMS described personality traits through the same lens and then see how you might identify with some of them.
Click to expand...
Hmm… I’m still
Not sure I’m getting it. Is it because being judgmental is a form of fighting reality? A non acceptance of what is? And even so- that doesn’t really feel like a repressed emotion though.
 
If you don't understand it from that article, then I suggest that perhaps your brain isn't ready to face some of your personality traits. That's not a criticism, it just might be where you are currently at.
That article explains it all incredibly well with some very basic illustrations.
Why not just let it sit for awhile.
Being judgemental and other personality traits aren't necessarily about repressed emotions - they are simply traits that can cause internal stress.
Repressing emotions can be part of how some people deal with the internal stress.
 
Perhaps, @feder, you're just overthinking it. Overthinking, after all, is something that you do quite frequently, am I right?

I certainly think that Monte makes a valid point, but I also think that what he's saying is not black and white, but instead can be interpreted differently depending upon our individual personality traits and depending on the particular situation and the individual that we are judging.

I also suspect that judging others is one of those ancient human characteristics that had some kind of primitive sociological purpose which helped early humanoids to survive.

I'm a pretty judgmental person, and I think that sometimes I'm justified in judging someone, and other times I suspect that I'm doing it to feel better about myself.

I also think that the act of judging someone else can act as a Sarno-style distraction - which represses distressing emotions in ourselves which are triggered by the behavior of the person we are judging. This might be close to what Monte is describing.
 
My take on this is that TMSers tend to be highly self critical and the inner critic can also be projected outwards as the outer critic. We can project our own negative beliefs about ourselves onto others. We have strong ideas of how things and people "should" be and when reality doesn't match our perfect fantasy, frustration and resistance ensues. Our self view and world view is colored by the muddy lens of trauma. Projection, resistance, and fighting what "is" may be defenses against emotional pain and hurt. "who we are is how we hurt". But to Jan's point, is it possible you are obsessing about one detail that doesn't resonate, to confirm the narrative that you don't fit the profile...i.e., that you are "different"...i.e. an exception to healing? Are you getting lost in the weeds of the content to avoid the actual feeling and doing? Some things to consider....
 
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