They told me that I risked paralysis if I even jogged again and I have been running and falling and playing hard for 22 years since with no problem. If you peruse the forum hear, you'll see that much like Miffybunny 's V.o.m.i.t., many of us are also victims of offhanded remarks made by 'professionals'
The only doctor doing this work in Los Angeles back in '99 when I read Sarno, was on a several month vacation. I made an appointment for a couple months out anyways and plodded on with the work in the book. By the time it was time for me to see him, I canceled the appointment because I was already better
That is so encouraging, thank you! I am so happy you did get so much better
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My back got way worse yesterday night, perhaps after the vaccine ( I am hoping so it will go away in two days). A week ago it was mostly my right side that hurted which I found a bit different because usually it’s more left. So now it’s the same pain but in the usual left. i could not take it anymore in the middle if the night so I took an ibuprofen. So at least I could sleep but I still feel it pretty strongly when I move slighlty.
Of course I am wondering whywhywhy???
On a psychological level, I was a bit stressed by the vaccine and some sadness about the pandemic situation in our world. But that was there three weeks ago also and I was pretty confident for the vaccine among my usual little stress of anything medical. I did not get any news ( I noticed that very often I get accute back pain when I react to some news or new event while doing something physical). I have really trouble finding anything with anger/fear new that was not there a few weeks ago.
So of course my brain thinks about the fact that I pushed my back that was already really stiff and unconfortable into moving, driving and walking way more and now it ended up inflammated. So I am trying to at least change that thought that it’s a vaccine reaction and not because I moved too much or forced myself into sitting in the car while not confortable.
Not sure I convinced myself yet.
Is it because I pushed myself beyond what I could convince my mind was safe? So I ended up scaring my body that of course it will get worse even if on the outside I was like „it’s only muscle tension, walking more will feel good” ??
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I know many times I read here that the key is to start moving as fast as possible but I think I am generating more fear doing this that I can control and talk myself trough?
Could my brain reacting to some emotions cause my body inflammation, pain and then moving too much on it does hurt for real? Or it’s obly the fear of pushing it?
Would waiting for the pain to get much better trough all the psychological part ( thinking what I was afraid of or angry at, how I scared my body into pain etc) and then moving more is a better idea in my case? I have at least tweny years of thinking it is physical and it might get worse so maybe I tried too fast?
Nine days ago I completly blocked and rested for two full days with antiinflammatory and an osteopathy treatment. That’s when I started reading all the TMS in detail. I got better in two days and started to move around gently, was able to teach for two full days on comptuer. In one week I was doing great. So I did half an hour of gardening on my knees ( in the last years being on two knees was fine but really not ok of I go down on one knee, I end up all crooked) and bang! the pain. I started to be completly crooked again and the pain - more muscle tension than inflammation- came back with a vengeance. So yesterday was my third day of constant tension pain when I went for the vaccine and now my lower back hurts way more and is inflammated.
I am a bit discouraged having trouble working and enjoying spring outside. I have no choice today to just rest and think, the pain won again.
I can do somatic tracking and visualization and reassuring to my body before I move and it helps making movements a bit less painful but of course I am unable to force myself into regular chores and try to not care if it hurts more or less like I tried for the last three days. It’s really too accute.
So I am back to square one. How can I hope to get out of this pain episode?
In my past , resting and going to the osteopath two times after an accute episode got me better in two weeks. Now i am not sure anymore what to do and not do.
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In a week, we were supposed to go to a beautiful nature cottage with my husband, we were looking forward to it all winter. So i don’t have pressure about this we agreeded we will just cancel it if needed. I just feel sad not being able to go.
I can postpone work a bit again but I am self employed and eventually my buisness will suffer if I can’t go back to work (i love my work). Usually, I hd to take breaka of my work when my back went worse but I never hurt my back while working and in general work was always an activoty that makes me feel good. It’s new that I start to wonder if I will be able to go back workig normally. Because my back got worse again.
We are supposed to adopt a puppy in mid june. It’s a big dream for us, we will never have children and we love our animals. We lost our previous dog a year and half ago and it has really en empty without a dog friend during this pndemic era. I know very well I have fears of „will my back be ok to take care of a puppy or it’s going to be too hard?” so I am reassuring myself as much as I can on that. When I think about the possibility that I tell the breeder we won’t be able to adopt the puppy because I am still not able to function like this week, there are mountains of sadness. Linked to the sadness about all the things I could not do since I am twenty years old because of this stupid back pain.
Basically, I feel like it’s been thightening around me all these restrictions imposed by the pain: every year, I can do less and less. Even before learning about TMS I held the hope that when I will be older I will become more fit then in my twenties, thirties and now fourties.
This week I realised how I am scaring myself everyday so I hope this huge change will begin to help. I just don’t know how to not let despair ( fear) and sadness and anger take over with huge setbacks like this. I am really trying to catch any positive sign to fuel hope and the gut belief that a) it is not structural b) i will have a life one day before life ends.
It’s special. My father is completly depressed since 40 years and has zero physical problems at 78 years old even if he does not exercice and did smoke most of his life. Meanwhile, I have a body all the time in pain, auto immune diabeties since six years but I really love life, lots of joy as soon as I have a break in pain, I consider myself very happy today ( not twenty years ago when I know exactly why my back pain started). I love my husband, my work, my home and my present ( not past) life.
I know I had more then enough reasons to start TMS in my life but it is as if I did solve actually these reasons. Perhaps i solved practically the problems but my body wants me to go back to all the repressed emotions of my unhappy life before?
I love my present life and the only thing I would change is the pain. Perhaps I would discover I had anxiety to work on even without the pain? ( which I never saw much because I have tons of anxiety about the pain and it takes way too much space)
I am kind of journaling as I wrote so thank you to antbody who reads, sorry it’s super long.
Perhaps my boy decided I am not going on in my life with anything until I get to the bottom of this...
