Business meetings

[Waterbear]

Hi guys!

It's been awhile and I have been doing great! I have run into a new scenario and I was hoping to get some help. Minfulness, breathing, and meditating have served me very well over the past few months, but I'm not sure if they will help in this situation.

I have another co-worker. She a artist is another dept and she's a bully who lies, is lazy and misses deadlines by months at a time, and is 10 years older than I am. I think she's on the edge of getting herself fired.

The owner is a nice guy and has decided that he wants me to, "help her and bring her up to speed." since I never miss deadlines and have a reputation for "good art, fast."

She hates me for doing a good job. I dislike her for being lazy and missing deadlines which affect my work at times.

Every Friday, we have a meeting were she tries to talk to me like I'm a kid and tries to bully me into doing her missed assignments for her. I try to be civil but lots of times, she's in no mood for that. In the heat of the moment, I have no trouble sticking up for myself. I'm like a tiny Pit Bull, and she backs down in the end and says she will work on her assignments, and ask me for instructional help then.

Every damn time, we have this struggle.

Afterwards, my whole body hurts like I've been boxing or lifting weights. I have trouble focusing and when I get home, it take hours for me to decompress enough to do anything.

This is what bothers me. She's probably going to get herself fired because she doesn't want to work with me; she wants to yell at me until I do her work for her, which won't happen.

I'm in pain and distracted for hours afterwards, and I'm thinking, "shes not worth this many hours. I could be drawing. I could be reading. I could be relaxed right now."


Any tips for remaining calm during a stressful event so it doesn't affect the rest of my night?

Thanks and Never give up!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I used to work for a big insurance company and felt I was surrounded by incompetent idiots.
I know they were.
You need to just tolerate the time your boss wants you to spend with her.
Let it all be like water running off a duck's back.
She isn't worth worrying yourself about.
You need to laugh her away. Especially after spending some time with her.
Just go somewhere and laugh.
Don't feel like you're misspent the time with her. Your boss wants you to do that.
When you leave here, just breathe deeply and then go somewhere and laugh her off.

 

[Ellen]

Hi Waterbear,

It's good to hear that you've been doing well. Congratulations on all your progress.

I had a similar situation that you describe last Fall. I had a co-worker that I had to work with everyday who had the same characteristics of the one you describe. I noticed that it was stressing me out so I did the following:

• In order to unwind from the stress each day, I knew I needed to do something physical that involved my body. Trying to unwind mentally doesn't work for me. So I did my 90 minute Bikram Yoga routine, and it works great for stress relief. Most people can probably get away with a shorter time and any kind of physical workout will probably do. Find what works for you.
• I knew I needed to change the dynamics of my relationship and interactions with this person. So I tried to think about what would make an adult act so badly---fear, low self esteem, feeling threatened, etc. So I tried to interact with her with that perspective in mind. I was super kind, considerate, as non-threatening as I could be, helpful, complimentary of any positive thing I could find, etc. I tried to use humor as much as possible and find any common ground to talk about.
• It's important to do the actions above from a place of truth and not deception or manipulation. When I found it hard to come from that place of true compassion and kindness, I did one of the Loving Kindness guided meditations. This was very helpful.
• These people who come into our lives and push all our buttons can be our greatest teachers if we allow it. I did some journaling around this concept.

These actions changed everything and I actually began to enjoy my interactions with this person to some degree. When I know I can't change someone else or the situation, then I try to change myself. Not easy, but it works. Best wishes.....

 

[Peggy]

Ellen, I think those tips work in any relationship.