Day 15 Belief in TMS

[HealingMe]

During the past two weeks has your pain been moving around? How has this affected your belief in the diagnosis? If you feel comfortable sharing, then post your response in a thread in our Structured Program forum. We would love to hear from you.

My pain began moving around after I finished reading Dr. Sarno's 'The MindBody Prescription'. That same day I began applying his work, I began noticing my pain moving in different spots on my main affected side. However I was still skeptical and I had doubts. As I began reading and learning more about the mind body connection, after the course of a few weeks of developing my proof sheet, engaging with other users on the TMS forum, journaling, and putting in the work, with time I noticed my doubt began to diminish more and more. There is still more work to do.

I have days where I do still question and notice my mind shifting to negative thinking, but I've started to notice this pattern more and can actively self-coach myself. More and more I understand this isn't an overnight solution or cure. My pain has greatly diminished by the second week of the program, and I've noticed my more conscious emotions do have an impact on my pain at times, but my goal is to not track it, but become more aware of the progress I'm making with the type of person I'm becoming mentally. My pain did move around and fight quite a bit, especially to very old “pain” or “injury” sites, which I found fascinating.

So far, I'm proud of myself, I've adopted a good approach to self-coaching and I have Dan Buglio's videos on Youtube to really be thankful for. Regularly, I check in on myself and shift my thought process to my emotions. I find this calming. With journaling I find my emotions easily come out - I've felt anger, a lot of sadness/tears, guilt, and understanding. I didn't think journaling would have an effect on me. Affirmations have been wonderful for me, and another thing I have in my toolbox. Yesterday I had a bodyscan/mediation session (my first time), I did it freestyle without any pressure of following any type of program, and was incredibly relaxed and at peace during the process. I don't know how long it was, but I didn't pressure myself to keep track of the time, just with how I was feeling in the moment. I try to not be as perfect with my healing and the time, especially becoming obsessed with reading about TMS constantly. I try to live my life, engage in hobbies and activities. I've started to exercise again which is a big thing for me.

That's all for today. Thank you for reading.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I didn't just read it, @HealingMe - I bookmarked it!

 

[HealingMe]

I didn't just read it, @HealingMe - I bookmarked it!

 

[HealingMe]

I wanted to write a quick update:

I made it a point to step away from thinking, reading, about TMS and also spending time on the forum. I didn't complete it, but doing the structured program helped me immensely. It taught me to think about my emotions every day. Dan Buglio's videos and advice really connected with me, and what truly also worked with me. To his advice, it's about living and engaging with life, which helps remove the fear. I began rating my success based on how much I was doing again. I began reading again (a passion of mine which also calmed my OCD mind).

My symptoms have decreased dramatically. When they say your symptoms can turn off in an instant, I didn't believe it. However, this is what happened to me on Easter. I was getting ready, doing my makeup and hair, which I haven't done in a while. I felt good and engaged in something I really enjoy and then my symptoms just faded away completely. I still don't know whether my symptoms of 5.5 months started with an injury (they started days after), but looking back, I placed immense pressure on myself that lead up to that critical point. The cup overfloweth. Looking back, I had random symptoms begin months and months prior to that critical point which I justified with normal wear and tear: knee pain, toe pain, TMJ that was constant (all gone now), before a full blow up of back/hip/pelvic/leg/glute symptoms. If I have any discomfort, the pain is 1-2 instead of 7-8. I began moving on with my life regardless, and not giving the pain any attention. This doesn't mean the primitive brain doesn't throw doubt at me every now and then, but each time I roll my eyes and go back to what I'm doing. I believe my symptoms stayed for so long because of my OCD tendencies, "constantly checking" the pain. When I'm not checking, and I'm engaged with whatever I'm doing, my symptoms decrease or simply disappear.

After reading the books, resources, forum, I truly believe stepping away is key to healing and letting your brain move on (at least for me). Stepping away has also led my brain absorb all the knowledge I learned. I think living life again is a success for me.

 

[ellaclaire33]

This is so great to hear! Thanks for sharing this perspective.

 

[HealingMe]

We recently rescued a puppy (3,5 months). We've been so excited and happy, but at the same time it has been really overwhelming! It's something we've thought about for the last two years and we were prepared that it will be a few months of hard work to train her. It's been wonderful on our existing pup. Initially there was fear and stress they wouldn't get along but they became best buddies after a few days of bringing her home! Now that we're coming of the initial high of having a new puppy, emotions are coming up.

Been feeling some twinges of symptoms after being free of them for weeks and realized I've been pushing my feeling inwards. I've been feeling all sorts of emotions: happiness, excitement, resentment and sadness that my interests and hobbies have been put on the back burner for the time being while we regulate our daily life and routine. I can't step away and read a book for a few hours, or take a bath. I'm feeling resentment and anger. I'm exhausted as well. I cried the other day and talked about my feelings with my husband, which felt good! I know the twinges are TMS. I've successfully been symptom free, so I know I will get back to it, and completely keep it at bay. I plan to journal, prioritize my health (eating habits went down the drain and my sleep's been out of wack). Realistically, I KNOW things will settle down with the new pup. That's life. I just have to prioritize myself and look deeper inwards/handle my stress.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Realistically, I KNOW things will settle down with the new pup. That's life. I just have to prioritize myself and look deeper inwards/handle my stress.

Thank you for this post, @HealingMe!

I think it's really important for us to acknowledge how TMS can manifest under any number and type of different circumstances. In doing this work, we can't avoid or eliminate the stress, anxiety, fear, or even the physical and emotional pain of life, but we can absolutely manage and mitigate our response. I have my own bad days, when I need to stop, shift to mindfulness, practice self-compassion, and ultimately get out the pen and paper and write about what's on my mind. I go to bed with an assumption that I will be much better in the morning - which is invariably the case. It's not as easy to apply this mindset to longer periods of stress, but it absolutely can be done, as you have described so well.

That's life, indeed!

 

[Baseball65]

We recently rescued a puppy

I am a 'Dog Codependent'... That's her staring out the window in my profile pic. She is at the root of a LOT of my TMS and responsibility issues and it has come out through writing and doing the work. Yes, I must have some anger at her for me worrying about her...insane, huh?

My son got her brother as a Puppy (the dog on my lap)...I got really attached to him and played with him every day when my son lived with me. Then my son moved out with his Dog, and I was profoundly depressed. I kept bothering my son to bring him over. "Dad..you need to get your OWN Dog"

Then, when HE was about 9 months old, My son called me "Hey Dad. I have GREAT news. Someone who adopted one of Hux's sisters brought her back to the farm... they don't want her...they said they can't 'deal' with her"

So, based on her Brothers demeanor, I agreed to take her sight unseen. Whoa. We went to pick her up....She HATES MEN. Won't even come near me. "WTF have I done?"...totally untrained psycho, trying to bolt any chance she got. Cannot be locked up even for a moment or destroys whatever the 'obstacle' is (door, crates, fence..even stuck her paw through a window)

Apparently she had been kenneled 23 hours a day and locked in a bathroom most her puppyhood. Something happened to her...Instead of my cool, fun, trained lovable pup (Hux)..I have a girl dog who hates men and doesn't want to be in the same room with me...and is constantly losing her mind.

So... I start spending all of my time walking her, training her, getting her to stop being a neurotic mess and if you met her now, 5 years later, you'd have no idea she was that way when I got her...But I have changed even more than her. I stopped going out on dates, Never worked more than 8 hours (I used or work 10 or more) and have even missed a ton of baseball games because I don't want her ever going back to being the way she was when I got her....Like most things, I went from not having a dog to caring waaay too much (and still do)

Obviously, I somewhere along the line have gotten unreal-ish over-protective of her and her well being, spending all of my free time with her, to where I actually probably started to resent her even though it was all coming from ME. Before I broke up with my GF she made a comment about wishing she was treated as well as Sophie (my dog)

I only brought this up because of your post... TMS can some up in anything We get our emotional strings tied up in because it is something about our inherent nature...not the external 'thing' that we might be getting unconsciously angry about. Being perfectionists and savior type mentalities, we get overwrought where 'normal' people might not... I declined out of state jobs for 3 years until Sophie was 'normal' and even then I called every 12 hours to check on her... My sons have laughed "SHE is fine....you might want to check yourSELF though" (LOL)

and I have. But like all things TMS, the problem isn't 'out here' it is 'in here'.

 

[HealingMe]

In doing this work, we can't avoid or eliminate the stress, anxiety, fear, or even the physical and emotional pain of life, but we can absolutely manage and mitigate our response.

100%!

 

[HealingMe]

I am a 'Dog Codependent'... That's her staring out the window in my profile pic. She is at the root of a LOT of my TMS and responsibility issues and it has come out through writing and doing the work. Yes, I must have some anger at her for me worrying about her...insane, huh?

My son got her brother as a Puppy (the dog on my lap)...I got really attached to him and played with him every day when my son lived with me. Then my son moved out with his Dog, and I was profoundly depressed. I kept bothering my son to bring him over. "Dad..you need to get your OWN Dog"

Then, when HE was about 9 months old, My son called me "Hey Dad. I have GREAT news. Someone who adopted one of Hux's sisters brought her back to the farm... they don't want her...they said they can't 'deal' with her"

So, based on her Brothers demeanor, I agreed to take her sight unseen. Whoa. We went to pick her up....She HATES MEN. Won't even come near me. "WTF have I done?"...totally untrained psycho, trying to bolt any chance she got. Cannot be locked up even for a moment or destroys whatever the 'obstacle' is (door, crates, fence..even stuck her paw through a window)

Apparently she had been kenneled 23 hours a day and locked in a bathroom most her puppyhood. Something happened to her...Instead of my cool, fun, trained lovable pup (Hux)..I have a girl dog who hates men and doesn't want to be in the same room with me...and is constantly losing her mind.

So... I start spending all of my time walking her, training her, getting her to stop being a neurotic mess and if you met her now, 5 years later, you'd have no idea she was that way when I got her...But I have changed even more than her. I stopped going out on dates, Never worked more than 8 hours (I used or work 10 or more) and have even missed a ton of baseball games because I don't want her ever going back to being the way she was when I got her....Like most things, I went from not having a dog to caring waaay too much (and still do)

Obviously, I somewhere along the line have gotten unreal-ish over-protective of her and her well being, spending all of my free time with her, to where I actually probably started to resent her even though it was all coming from ME. Before I broke up with my GF she made a comment about wishing she was treated as well as Sophie (my dog)

I only brought this up because of your post... TMS can some up in anything We get our emotional strings tied up in because it is something about our inherent nature...not the external 'thing' that we might be getting unconsciously angry about. Being perfectionists and savior type mentalities, we get overwrought where 'normal' people might not... I declined out of state jobs for 3 years until Sophie was 'normal' and even then I called every 12 hours to check on her... My sons have laughed "SHE is fine....you might want to check yourSELF though" (LOL)

and I have. But like all things TMS, the problem isn't 'out here' it is 'in here'.

Wow… thank you so much for your response.

A lot of what you said hits home for me. I dedicate a lot of my time for my dogs. When we got our first dog, like you, I became very protective over him, declined invitations from friends to go out. He was attacked when he was a puppy so he grew up disliking kids and certain dogs. I love him but also resented his personality at times. Today… I don’t feel that resentment toward him anymore. I accepted it and him. But yes, a lot of what you mentioned is similar to my experience.

Now with our new pup, I’m completely smitten with her. But I’m identifying that resentment early on and you’re right… a lot of it is coming from ME

 

[Booble]

We recently rescued a puppy (3,5 months). We've been so excited and happy, but at the same time it has been really overwhelming! It's something we've thought about for the last two years and we were prepared that it will be a few months of hard work to train her. It's been wonderful on our existing pup. Initially there was fear and stress they wouldn't get along but they became best buddies after a few days of bringing her home! Now that we're coming of the initial high of having a new puppy, emotions are coming up.

Been feeling some twinges of symptoms after being free of them for weeks and realized I've been pushing my feeling inwards. I've been feeling all sorts of emotions: happiness, excitement, resentment and sadness that my interests and hobbies have been put on the back burner for the time being while we regulate our daily life and routine. I can't step away and read a book for a few hours, or take a bath. I'm feeling resentment and anger. I'm exhausted as well. I cried the other day and talked about my feelings with my husband, which felt good! I know the twinges are TMS. I've successfully been symptom free, so I know I will get back to it, and completely keep it at bay. I plan to journal, prioritize my health (eating habits went down the drain and my sleep's been out of wack). Realistically, I KNOW things will settle down with the new pup. That's life. I just have to prioritize myself and look deeper inwards/handle my stress.

Congrats on the new puppy!
Sympathy on getting a new puppy!
It's so wonderful. It's so awful.

We just got a new puppy too. He's 2.5 months. It's so hard. Puppy's are sooooo hard.

Our love-of-our-life dog passed about 7 months ago. She was old and the geriatric phase was very tough. I hated for her to die more than anything but realistically we also had been talking about "after the dog dies" ---- and then we --- I -- it was my fault -- went and got a puppy. What the hell did I do?

After our first dog died we waited something like 10 years. We couldn't bear to get another dog and when we finally did, we regretted waiting that long.
Now we did the reverse. And ruined all the freedom of the dog-less years that we planned on, needed and wanted.

It's great that you (we!) have the knowledge of how suppressing these emotions turns into symptoms. I'm trying to be mindful of that as well.
Societally speaking we are not supposed to have any negative emotions about our pets, are we? We know better. It's normal. And it's OK to rage about it.

Our new little guy seems like he's going to turn into a love-pie but it's for sure exhausting.
Without repressing the emotions, I am trying to keep in mind all the GOOD aspects. What would I be doing if not attending to this little maniac's needs? I'd be on the computer getting myself upset about politics or some other stupid things. Sitting with the puppy and trying to get him to chew his hard cheese stick instead of nipping me is much better. Getting outside for pee and poop breaks rather than sitting inside also much better, despite being exhausted.

Feel free to message me if you want to commiserate and/or celebrate!

 

[Booble]

Being perfectionists and savior type mentalities, we get overwrought

Hell ya.
I was only 6 months between dogs and during those short 6 months I FOROGT HOW MUCH I WORRY.
Jeezus F C.

Congrats on your amazing rehabilitation of Sophie. As painful as it was and probably sometimes still is, I bet having that sweet, sweet girl is wonderful.
PS. You can still go out on dates. Maybe there is a dating site for (neurotic) dog parents. And if not we ought to make one.

 

[Baseball65]

You can still go out on dates.

I just started going back to my games again....You see, every day that is a good day to play baseball is ALSO a day I feel I ought to be outside with her...But, she is probably a lot better than I give her credit for. THAT is MY problem...I always worry about her.
The first time I left her overnight alone was with my older son and his Fiance' who love her....I called after two hours and asked
"How is she? Is she OK? Do i need to come back?"...my son laughed and said "She looked out the door until your car left the driveway....and she has been totally chill and playing with everybody since you left...don't call every other hour...go away"

Somewhere along the line, I became the crazy one and she the normal. But that's the kind of personality we have.

After our first dog died we waited something like 10 years

I waited 20 years between dogs...My first Border Collie's death disturbed me more than when I lost my Mom... It's really weird how attached we get....and anything that powerful is a TMS time bomb.

But yes, I imagine I will be single for the rest of my life unless I meet someone who likes dogs as much as I do

 

[HealingMe]

Congrats on the new puppy!
Sympathy on getting a new puppy!
It's so wonderful. It's so awful.

We just got a new puppy too. He's 2.5 months. It's so hard. Puppy's are sooooo hard.

Our love-of-our-life dog passed about 7 months ago. She was old and the geriatric phase was very tough. I hated for her to die more than anything but realistically we also had been talking about "after the dog dies" ---- and then we --- I -- it was my fault -- went and got a puppy. What the hell did I do?

After our first dog died we waited something like 10 years. We couldn't bear to get another dog and when we finally did, we regretted waiting that long.
Now we did the reverse. And ruined all the freedom of the dog-less years that we planned on, needed and wanted.

It's great that you (we!) have the knowledge of how suppressing these emotions turns into symptoms. I'm trying to be mindful of that as well.
Societally speaking we are not supposed to have any negative emotions about our pets, are we? We know better. It's normal. And it's OK to rage about it.

Our new little guy seems like he's going to turn into a love-pie but it's for sure exhausting.
Without repressing the emotions, I am trying to keep in mind all the GOOD aspects. What would I be doing if not attending to this little maniac's needs? I'd be on the computer getting myself upset about politics or some other stupid things. Sitting with the puppy and trying to get him to chew his hard cheese stick instead of nipping me is much better. Getting outside for pee and poop breaks rather than sitting inside also much better, despite being exhausted.

Feel free to message me if you want to commiserate and/or celebrate!

Congrats on your new puppy, too! They sure are hard but so rewarding once they get older. And I'm so sorry about your first dog. I very much understand how difficult it is to get another one after your first one goes. Dogs are truly our best friends.

I LOVE your perspective on what we'd be doing if not attending to our little menaces. It made me laugh! SO VERY TRUE!

I tried to attach a picture of our little lunatic, but couldn't figure it out, lol.

 

[HealingMe]

Update: I've reached out to my doctor to begin tapering off the antidepressant I was put on ~3 months ago. My TMS symptoms made me spiral and it was difficult to get my head in the right headspace to begin healing. Once everything stabilized, I successfully got rid of my symptoms. Now, they flare when I am anxious or something is bothering me. Like when my husband was gone for a full day last weekend for a ball game and I was nervous about watching a brand new puppy and our existing pup all alone (it's hard work with a puppy!) Once he came back, my symptoms dissipated.

To be quite honest I am somewhat nervous about tapering off. I am mostly nervous about the side effects like brain zaps and nausea. Also, I'm staying off forums and not reading into horror stories. Like my husband said, the people who didn't have major withdrawal effects typically don't go on the internet to post. I am so, so grateful for the healthy homeostasis it created for me to begin working on MBS healing. If anyone reads here and has been on medication and came off it, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Wish me luck.

 

[Booble]

Update: I've reached out to my doctor to begin tapering off the antidepressant I was put on ~3 months ago. My TMS symptoms made me spiral and it was difficult to get my head in the right headspace to begin healing. Once everything stabilized, I successfully got rid of my symptoms. Now, they flare when I am anxious or something is bothering me. Like when my husband was gone for a full day last weekend for a ball game and I was nervous about watching a brand new puppy and our existing pup all alone (it's hard work with a puppy!) Once he came back, my symptoms dissipated.

To be quite honest I am somewhat nervous about tapering off. I am mostly nervous about the side effects like brain zaps and nausea. Also, I'm staying off forums and not reading into horror stories. Like my husband said, the people who didn't have major withdrawal effects typically don't go on the internet to post. I am so, so grateful for the healthy homeostasis it created for me to begin working on MBS healing. If anyone reads here and has been on medication and came off it, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Wish me luck.

Hi - thanks for sharing your update.
Is there some reason that you want to go off the antidepressants?
It's great that you recognized that your symptoms are tied to your fears and not related to any physical issues. That's a huge win.

Staying off scary forums is critical. Your husband is 100% right. I remember one time reading horror stories about antibiotics. Antibiotics!

I am not on meds but I have many friends with varying degrees of health anxiety that say that taking meds have been life changing for them.
Unless you are on a form of antidepressant meant to be temporary don't feel bad if you want to continue on with them.

PS. How's the puppy doing? My little guy is now just about 3 months old.

 

[HealingMe]

From all we know about you -- and gee, we get to know a lot about each other -- I'd say you're a great catch.
But being single with Sophie probably isn't so bad either.




It's so hard.


Hi - thanks for sharing your update.
Is there some reason that you want to go off the antidepressants?
It's great that you recognized that your symptoms are tied to your fears and not related to any physical issues. That's a huge win.

Staying off scary forums is critical. Your husband is 100% right. I remember one time reading horror stories about antibiotics. Antibiotics!

I am not on meds but I have many friends with varying degrees of health anxiety that say that taking meds have been life changing for them.
Unless you are on a form of antidepressant meant to be temporary don't feel bad if you want to continue on with them.

PS. How's the puppy doing? My little guy is now just about 3 months old.

Our puppy is doing great! Things have regulated around here and our routine is slowly falling into place. The initial anxiety/stress has dissipated. She acclimated wonderfully! How is yours doing and how are you?

The antidepressant was prescribed for the pain. It also helped the anxiety/stress/panic of irrational thinking that hugely contributed to my TMS blow up - I felt like I couldn't regulate my thinking and think rationally. The meds helped calm me down and to think rationally so I could work on my TMS and heal. My primary reason to get off is I feel like I am out of that stressful, irrational thinking and situation, if that makes sense. I would consider them again if needed, for sure.

 

[Booble]

I feel like I am out of that stressful, irrational thinking and situation,

Could that be because of the meds?
I'm not a meds advocate or anything I've just seen a lot of my friends with anxiety/stress/panic thrive on them and suffer without them.
I'm sure you and your doctor will come up with the right solution for you.

Glad your puppy is doing well! Routine sure helps, doesn't it? Our pup is doing well too. Still sometimes feels like 3 steps forward 2 steps back but we are getting there. He now loves to sit on my lap with me and chew his milk bone without biting me. That's a win! Potty training is still not 100% but getting there. When we go outside we have so many "yummy" things on the ground like palm nuts that it's really hard to get him to "drop" or "leave it." And large poisonous toads, speaking of anxiety.

 

[HealingMe]

Could that be because of the meds?
I'm not a meds advocate or anything I've just seen a lot of my friends with anxiety/stress/panic thrive on them and suffer without them.
I'm sure you and your doctor will come up with the right solution for you.

Glad your puppy is doing well! Routine sure helps, doesn't it? Our pup is doing well too. Still sometimes feels like 3 steps forward 2 steps back but we are getting there. He now loves to sit on my lap with me and chew his milk bone without biting me. That's a win! Potty training is still not 100% but getting there. When we go outside we have so many "yummy" things on the ground like palm nuts that it's really hard to get him to "drop" or "leave it." And large poisonous toads, speaking of anxiety.

Yeah, I mean, that’s a valid point. I have no doubt in my mind the medication helped, along with my actively working on myself mentally to really not spiral like that again. I don’t want to be dependent on medication for life though. I guess that’s my personal opinion. I have friends on medication and they vow to never get off. I fully support anyone that wants to be on it to help them.

I totally understand the 1 step forward and 2 steps back with the pup. It’s so real. Ours is starting to understand outside means potty so she’ll sit by the patio door. We're getting a fence installed very soon so I’m hoping both dogs spend more time outside playing. They love to play together all the time. I feel like it helped our 7 year old and aged him backwards!

And yeah all the yummy things outside too! She loves to eat mulch we have around planters. And random dead worms, lol. Disgusting. She tried to eat a dead lizard a week ago and I was absolutely horrified.